


Kiss my Scars Away

by KrellaTu



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Angst, Anxiety, Character Development, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Dirty Talk, Eating Disorders, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Foreplay, Hurt/Comfort, Kink Exploration, Light Dom/sub, Loss of Parent(s), Love Triangles, M/M, Meditation, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Oral Sex, Past Abuse, Praise Kink, Self-Harm, Smut, one-sided vmin, toxic masculinity, vkook is the main pairing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-09-27 02:32:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 43,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9946283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrellaTu/pseuds/KrellaTu
Summary: It’s been two years since Jungkook walked out of Taehyung’s life. Two years since he left him alone, broken, and miserable. And yet, Taehyung can’t forget – can never forget – the feelings he had, still has, for the unfairly gorgeous douchebag with hair as black as night.--Taehyung finds himself revisiting his traumatic past and carving a new future with the man who made him feel the most – good and bad. Has Jeon Jungkook really changed?





	1. The (Re)meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!!  
> This is a fic I've been working on for a long time. I'm quite proud of how it's come along so far, so I hope you enjoy it as well :) Most of this is based on a truly unfortunate true story that happened in my life, so... ugh.

Casual chatter fills the cozy café, echoing just slightly off the modest décor. The walls are painted in an almost metallic silver and are lined haphazardly with trinkets and photos. To the unsuspecting visitor, these walls may seem sturdy, or even welcoming, but any employee who’s been here long enough has become all too well-acquainted with the multiple rodent families that live behind the silver façade. The cheesy photographs of unsuspecting customers that line the metallic walls, trapped behind glass and between fake mahogany frames, never fail to give the café’s employees the creeps. Yes, indeed, as far as modest goes, one can’t beat the homely feel of Silverstreet Café.  
  
Unless, of course, you’re the broke college student working behind the counter as a barista.  
  
Taehyung squints his eyes as he fumbles with the touchpad register. He can’t find the goddamn button for ‘shot of expresso,’ and this damned guy ordered two extra. The man at the start of the quickly-building line is cocking his head at him, a judgmental eyebrow raised, but Taehyung can't let himself worry about that. He’s got one job to do, and that’s to take orders and make coffee, not to cater to people’s feelings. He chances a glance up at the man and pushes down the nausea that generally accompanies an irritated stare.  
  
“And… what size coffee did you want, sir?” he asks happily, incredibly thankful that his limited background in acting now has a purpose. Customers are generally too busy or peeved to notice the frantic panic that makes a home in Taehyung’s chest, which he masterfully hides behind a boxy smile and a casual tone.  
  
“I already told you, kid, it’s a medium! And I asked for a dirty chai, not for a damn coffee,” the man grumbles. He taps his foot against the hardwood floor and glances at his wristwatch. Taehyung lets out a giggle and ruffles his bleach-blonde hair. _Time to turn on the charm._  
  
“Right! Sorry for the wait, sir!” he says with a boxy grin. He types away on the keypad, which always seemed to be far too sensitive for his bony-yet-strong fingers, and finally manages to ring up the order. “That’d be five ninety-two, please.”  
  
The man furrows his eyebrows, forming a line of black fur speckled with the occasional gray strand. “Why the hell is it so expensive…” he mumbles. He still hands Taehyung his credit card, though, and with a masterful smile, Taehyung swipes it and shoves the receipt in the man’s hand.  
  
“One dirty chai, coming right up!”  


  


Two hours later, and it’s eleven thirty – only a half an hour more until Taehyung’s shift is up. He’s been here since 7:00 a.m., but he really can’t complain. The pay is decent and Lord knows he needs the money, so he can deal with the obscenely early alarm on his phone and the grumpy businessmen customers. It also helps that today is a Saturday, which means that Kent, his middle-aged asshole of a manager, is replaced with the weekend’s student manager, Namjoon. He also happens to be one of Taehyung’s friends. He’s the one who landed him this job in the first place less than three weeks ago.  
  
Speaking of the devil, Namjoon swings the door to the kitchen open and comes to stand beside Taehyung. He tentatively places a hand on Taehyung’s shoulder.  
  
“You did well today, kid,” he says with a soft smile. Taehyung only rolls his eyes. “No, really! It’s totally unfair that Kent gives you this entire shift by yourself but doesn’t even pay you an extra cent. I mean, Jesus, that line was nearly twenty people long! How the hell do you remember all those orders and shit?”  
  
Taehyung chuckles a bit, finally letting a genuine, albeit genuine smile play at his lips. “I fudge the orders all the time, Joonie-hyung! The important thing is to predict which costumers will notice.” Namjoon lets out a hearty laugh, his deep baritone voice filling the café. Some patrons look up at them, mostly out of curiosity. The atmosphere of the café is usually a quiet, dull chatter, so the regular customers in the café are always intrigued by loud noises. “Besides, hyung, I’m not that good-”  
  
“Nonsense, Tae!” Namjoon exclaims, giving Taehyung a firm pat on the back – and then one on the ass, which Taehyung promptly chooses to block out of his brain forever. “You’ve got to get some more confidence in yourself!” At this, Taehyung lets out a heavy sigh. If only his friend knew how much of a nervous wreck he always is underneath the surface…  
  
Replying with only a half-hearted nod, Taehyung turns around to wipe off the milk steamer. Namjoon bids him farewell until next week and returns to the manager's office in the back area. Taehyung finishes his cleaning and, after glancing around to make sure nobody’s looking, he pulls out his phone from his uniform pocket. A smile curls his full lips when he sees the message notification on his screen.  
  
_**From: ChimChim <3.** TaeTae, ur still coming to Krystal’s party tonight, right?_  
  
Taehyung glances around again and leans against the counter where the register rests, facing the coffee machines at the back of his little nook. He lets out a hushed giggle and hastily types out a response.  
  
_**To: ChimChim <3.** Who the fuck is Krystal? Are you high?_  
  
_**From: ChimChim <3.** You know, Soojung? The girl Yoongi’s trying to bone?_  
  
_**To: ChimChim <3.** Eew, shut the fuck up, TMI_  
  
_**To: ChimChim <3.** And… no… I was kind of hoping to catch up on some dances for the troupe…_  
  
Jimin’s response takes a little longer than usual to come in, but Taehyung hasn’t heard the café door open yet, so he figures he’s safe for a little longer before any other customers come up.  
  
_**From: ChimChim <3.** Look, just cuz ur gay as fuck doesn’t mean you have to find straight people gross. Also, what the fuck. You told me you’d come, Taehyung!_  
  
_**From: ChimChim <3.** If I go without you, I’ll be all alone when Yoongi starts flirting with her, is that what you want?_  
  
Taehyung groans. On one hand, Jimin’s too precious a friend to leave alone at some random college party… but on the other hand, he really was planning to be in bed all day once he gets home. He'd probably just pretend to do homework and relax… maybe he’d even learn some dances after all. That’d be a great way to impress Hoseok.  
  
_**To: ChimChim <3.** Sorry, Minnie. I promise I’ll come next time. I just really want to learn some more dances tonight. :’(_  
  
_**From: ChimChim <3.** Fuck you._  
  
_**From: ChimChim <3.** If you’re doing this cuz you think it’ll get you into Hobi’s pants, fucking think again. He just broke up with his ex like two weeks ago so leave him alone._  
  
Taehyung frowns down at his phone and starts to type out a message that will make it very clear to Jimin that he’s not in the least bit interested in Hoseok’s fine ass. It's not entirely untrue, considering Taehyung’s been eerily absent of romantic feelings for the past two years. While Hoseok does have a delicious-looking ass, Taehyung just can't bring himself to have feelings for _anybody_ anymore, although he certainly does wish he could be interested in Hoseok. He's a sweet boy with an even sweeter smile. The sudden sound of a deep cough causes his phone to fall to the ground mid-text. He spins around with cheeks already flushing, and when he makes eye contact with the perpetrator, his jaw drops.  
  
“Y-You…” Taehyung stammers. Unable to stop the quivering of his bottom lip, he takes the trembling flesh between his teeth and bends over hurriedly to pick up his phone. He shoves it in his back pocket. Taehyung stands as far away from the register as possible and, keeping his head downturned so his blond hair conceals the panic in his eyes, he clears his throat. “Wh-what can I get you?”  
  
“Maybe say hey or something, first?” Jungkook tries. Taehyung can’t see it, but he can just hear the smirk on that bastard’s lips. _Fuck._  
  
“Hey.”  
  
“Wow, and here I was thinking you’d be happy to finally talk to me again…”  
  
At that, Taehyung lets out an aggravated chuckle and finally meets Jungkook’s gaze and – _holy fuck, he got even hotter. Shit._ Taehyung gulps loudly and recovers surprisingly quickly from Jungkook’s visual improvements. “If I wanted to talk to you, I would’ve done it the millions of times I’ve seen you around,” he mutters.  
  
Jungkook has the fucking nerve to giggle. Not laugh, not even snicker – a fucking giggle. The most god-damned adorable sound Taehyung’s ever heard. And just like the black and blue bruises on Taehyung’s arms would tell him over and over those two years ago, Taehyung knows that Jungkook’s trouble.  
  
“Come on, Tae-”  
  
“What do you want to drink?” Taehyung interrupts curtly. Jungkook raises an eyebrow, but then hums and gives the menu over Taehyung’s head a thoughtful glance.  
  
“What should I get?” he asks, looking at Taehyung with curious eyes. Taehyung swallows and turns away. He asks what he always asks customers - and thoroughly regrets it before the sentence is even fully out of his mouth.  
  
“Do you want something sweet, or…?” As Taehyung cuts himself off, he's left with a grimace. Jungkook just giggles again, nearly inducing a heart attack from what must be hatred – definitely not adoration – and leans in closer. Taehyung’s body betrays him as he turns to face Jungkook again.  
  
“Yeah, something sweet,” Jungkook murmurs, a devilish grin playing on his lips. Taehyung can’t tell if he wants to punch that grin right off his face or kiss it off, so he wordlessly turns around instead. He grabs a cup and chooses the ‘one shot’ setting, intentionally leaving his back to Jungkook. “What are you making me, then?” he hears the raven ask.  
  
Taehyung shrugs. “Vanilla latte.” Jungkook breathes like he’s going to say something, but Taehyung beats him to it. “With soy.”  
  
Jungkook chuckles behind him and Taehyung just knows he’s leaning over the counter as far as he can without making a fool of himself. “You remember?” he asks, but his tone is infuriatingly playful. Something finally snaps in Taehyung’s stressed-out, sleep-deprived brain, and he whirls around, his face seething.  
  
“Of course I fucking remember, you idiot,” he hisses, “you think I’d forget all the times you made me wait half an hour to eat the pizza we ordered at two o'clock in the morning so you could go grab your god-damned lactose pills? Of course…” Taehyung trails off, suddenly finding the prospect of being swallowed whole into the earth below him to be quite appealing.  
  
Jungkook seems significantly dumbfounded, so Taehyung supposes he did something right. He can see the wheels turning in the boy’s head but he doesn’t give him the time to formulate that thought. He whirls around again, grabs the coffee, and slams it on the counter. Then, he glances at the time – 11:52, so nobody would mind if he left a little early, right? – and spins around towards the back to pick up his stuff and get the hell out of here.  
  
“Wait,” Jungkook calls, his voice suddenly sounding almost… broken. Taehyung stops but doesn’t face him. “You dyed your hair,” Jungkook says. Perhaps Taehyung’s even more of a fool than Jungkook is, because he lets out a sigh and turns to face the younger, finally letting down a bit of his fake, angry shield so the sadness can peek through.  
  
“Yeah, I did,” Taehyung nearly whispers.  
  
“You went blonde,” Jungkook observes. Taehyung sighs again and looks to the floor. “Didn’t I tell you it wouldn’t look good?”  
  
And Taehyung wishes he could be angry again. He wishes that the way Jungkook tells him what to do – the way Jungkook always told him what to do, even two fucking years ago - he _wishes_ that it made him furious. But just like always, it doesn’t. It only leaves him empty. The truth of the matter is, the only anger he feels is the anger that Jungkook abandoned him.  
  
“Sorry,” Taehyung mutters. _Not now, not fucking now, Kim Taehyung, don’t you dare cry-_  
  
“Don’t be,” Jungkook replies, his voice impossibly warm for a man as terrifyingly dangerous as he is. “It looks cute, Tae.”  
  
Taehyung rushes to the back door and throws it open, shuts it tight behind him, and slides along the surface to the floor. It’s ok for the tears to flow here, against a cold, hard wall, all alone. This, he’s used to. The warmth in Jungkook’s tone, the caring in his eyes, the genuine interest in his smile – that is what Taehyung finds unbearably unfamiliar. That’s what makes him feel like crawling into bed and never getting up again.  


  


**_Two Years Earlier..._**  


  


The familiar sound of knuckles rapping on the door is enough to get Taehyung out of bed. He throws on the nearest article of clothing he can find – which happens to be his pastel blue t-shirt with a cartoon Donald Duck on the front – and barely manages to tug on a pair of boxers before the door is thrown open.  
  
Jungkook saunters on in like he owns the place and, like clockwork, he takes his position standing in front of Taehyung’s floor-length mirror. He examines himself as he hums intently with appreciation. Taehyung sneaks behind him and shuts his door, then he timidly walks behind Jungkook so the raven can finally see him – or, rather, acknowledge him.  
  
“Hey, Tae,” Jungkook says with his fucking gorgeous smile, giving Taehyung the generous few seconds of eye contact he so desperately wants. And then the moment is past, and Jungkook is ogling himself in the mirror again.  
  
Taehyung sighs deeply. This scene is far too familiar to him – Jungkook trudges into Taehyung’s room, barely gives Taehyung a glance (occasionally a smile if the older is lucky), and proceeds to stare at himself in the mirror like the fucking prick he is. This time, though, when Jungkook lifts his shirt to expose his abs, Taehyung doesn’t feel so turned on. He just feels exhausted, so he walks over to his bed and lies down again.  
  
“Tae,” Jungkook calls, still staring at himself in the mirror. Taehyung just chews at the sides of his mouth and averts his gaze. “Tae!” Jungkook shouts. Taehyung flinches and looks at Jungkook again. “The fuck’s wrong with you?” Jungkook hisses. It’s so fucked up, but just the fact that Jungkook is looking at him for more than a few seconds makes Taehyung feel somehow satisfied. _At least he's looking at all._  
  
“I dunno,” Taehyung murmurs. It’s really not a lie. When Jungkook visits him, Taehyung usually feels something – be it excitement, comfort, or even shameful horniness – but recently, he’s been feeling dull. Maybe it’s because the exciting phase of having a crush is gone, replaced only by a sad knowing: Jungkook is very much straight, despite what all their friends _assume_ about the younger, and Taehyung most certainly doesn’t have a vagina, so he’s not in the running.  
  
“Fucking shit,” Jungkook curses, and Taehyung realizes he’s looking in the fucking mirror again. “Do you see this?” he asks. The younger is suddenly upon Taehyung, one knee resting on the mattress just inches from Taehyung’s crotch, his fist digging into the pillow near Taehyung’s head. Taehyung can only stare up at him with eyes as big as the familiar mixture of terror and arousal he feels. He shakes his head dumbly and Jungkook huffs in frustration. He slams his other fist into the bed on the other side of Taehyung’s head, encaging his thin figure with thick, muscular limbs, and now he’s basically _screaming_ he’s going to make out with Taehyung, right?  
  
Wrong.  
  
“Look at how fucking _built_ I am, Kim!” he exclaims, his face contorted in that disgusting douchebag smirk. Taehyung feels like gagging, but whether it’s on vomit or Jungkook’s cock, he’s not too sure.  
  
“Sure, Kookie,” Taehyung says with a roll of his eyes. Big mistake. Jungkook shoves down on Taehyung’s chest with his hand and brings his face just inches away from Taehyung’s. “K-Kookie?!”  
  
“I could fucking kill you right now,” Jungkook hisses, a devilish grin on his face. “I’m strong enough to, you know.”  
  
With how empty he's feeling upon Jungkook's visit, today seems like a day of firsts for Taehyung; so for the first time in Taehyung’s only year at college, he pushes Jungkook off him. Surprisingly enough, it’s not too hard – Jungkook probably wasn’t expecting it – but before the younger can retaliate, Taehyung is on his feet.  
  
“Get out,” Taehyung breathes. Jungkook stares at him, trying desperately to hide his shock with a look of rage, but Taehyung knows the boy well enough to see through it. Jungkook is _scared._ As much as he likes to make Taehyung think he’s the one who needs Jungkook, it’s all bullshit. It’s just like Jimin had said: _‘He needs you to make himself feel strong. That’s why he treats you like fucking trash… and the worst part is, you like it, you fucking love it, and he can tell.’_ And in that moment, as Taehyung finally prepares himself to do what he’s been dreading for six months, he finds himself reflection on all the bittersweet memories…

  


  


The first time Taehyung ever met Jungkook, it was the first day of their freshman orientation. Jungkook was standing next to Jackson, another first-year on their hall. They were grimacing at a sophomore boy wearing jean short-shorts and a crop top, his long blond hair pulled back into a ponytail. The boy, who Taehyung later found out was named Jokwon, was lanky and undeniably feminine – to Jungkook, he was an uncomfortably foreign sight; but to Taehyung, this sophomore boy would later become one of his queer “role models.” For now, though, he was someone Taehyung filed away in his brain to keep tabs on.  
  
“Is that guy… is he gay or something?” Jungkook had asked, a look of disgust twisting on his face. Jackson only snickered, but Taehyung was not having it with the homophobic remarks his first fucking day of college, even if they weren’t directed at him. He was lonely without his high school friends, bitter about having to leave home, and, most of all, heart-broken from his ex-boyfriend who had broken it off without a word of warning the moment Taehyung left for school.  
  
“Do you think what someone wears determines their sexuality? Jesus.” Taehyung interjected, eloquently crashing the conversation into a mess of flames. That was good - he wanted to watch it burn. 

  


  


It took Taehyung a month to realize Jungkook was in his chemistry class. Their dorm hall was tiny, with only sixteen people, so Taehyung knew who Jungkook was quite well by then. The younger man was a baseball player – an ‘athlete,’ _ew_ – but Taehyung couldn’t deny that Jungkook was quite possibly the most gorgeous man he had ever laid eyes on. He was all jet-black hair and deep brown eyes, with an insanely hot body and an adorable bunny-toothed smile to match. On top of that, Taehyung was still vulnerable from his recent breakup, and Jungkook was eye candy, so he indulged himself a little on those sweet biceps, those gorgeous eyelashes, that _phenomenal_ ass.  
  
One day, Jungkook approached Taehyung out of nowhere and asked him for help with chemistry. Taehyung, of course, had said yes. He was an innocent, kind-hearted person back then. Word had also gotten around on his floor that Jungkook was potentially in the closet, so Taehyung was very excited to see where these chemistry help sessions could eventually lead (and cue the dirty, forbidden fantasies).  
  
Taehyung hadn’t expected them to get so close. Within the span of two months, Jungkook had become one of Taehyung’s best friends, and the platonic aspect of Taehyung’s feelings were clearly mutual. Taehyung would lie on Jungkook’s bed as they did chemistry, and Jungkook wouldn’t even care if Taehyung’s sweaty feet landed on his pillow (a shocking development for an anal neat-freak like Jungkook). They told each other about their secrets and insecurities. Taehyung told Jungkook about how his mom had died, about how crazy and unreliable his depressed, recovering-alcoholic father was, and about how much he hated his own body. Jungkook told Taehyung about his failed sexual escapades (he never seemed to hook up with the girls he claimed to be interested in). He would often drop not-so-subtle hints that, despite his boisterous self-confidence, Jungkook was an insecure mess. Soon enough, everybody began to believe the rumors: Jungkook had the hots for Taehyung. Everybody except for Taehyung himself, of course.  
  
The beautiful blossom of friendship withered just as quickly as it had come. One month after they became close, Jungkook started hitting Taehyung. The first time, it was a playful punch on the shoulder, only bordering between annoying and painful, but over the course of a few weeks, they became more forceful. After a month and a half, Jimin noticed the bruises on Taehyung’s arms. Being the honest person he was, Taehyung told Jimin the truth. His best friend scolded him for hours, and Taehyung accepted it – under the condition that Jimin didn’t breathe a word to Jungkook.  
  
_“You still feel like you need him, then,”_ Jimin had said, and Taehyung could only try and pretend Jimin was wrong.  
  
After months of secretive pining, terrible wet dreams, and what he refused to admit was an abusive friendship, Taehyung finally snapped. 

  


  


And so, when Taehyung pushed Jungkook off him for the first time on that fateful night, he pushed back the memories and finally stood up for himself.  
  
“Jeon Jungkook, I said to get out.”  
  
Jungkook immediately retaliated, but verbally this time. If anything, it only hurt more. “You like me though, don’t you, Tae?” Jungkook said, his tone mocking to conceal the desperation that his huge, gorgeous eyes gave away.  
  
“Of course I fucking like you, Jungkook,” Taehyung groaned, unintentionally clutching a bruise on his arm. “I’ve had a crush on you since we started hanging out, wasn’t it obvious?”  
  
Apparently, it hadn’t been, because Jungkook simply stared at Taehyung for nearly five minutes. Finally, he replied. “I… I guess I’m really flattered, Tae.” Taehyung turned around in silence, and when he turned back, Jungkook was gone.  
  
For an entire year, it was the last thing Taehyung heard his best friend say.


	2. Love Tension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends!  
> This story is moving along!!!! I'm still not sure how long I want this to be; I have many, *many* chapters drafted out so far, but I may end it before I get to some of those.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy some sweet moments and more backstory, as well as some really sad TaeTae mental health stuff.  
> *CW: mentions of self-harm and disordered eating.*

_**One year ago…**_  
  
It was the last party of Taehyung’s sophomore year, and he wanted to get fucking wasted. He had been a dorm assistant on his floor, and keeping track of all those crazy freshmen who had no idea what they were doing was exhausting. Perhaps some of the exhaustion was because they reminded Taehyung of himself: the broken-hearted boy who had fallen so easily for an abusive bastard. Still, he couldn’t avoid his job, not when he relied on it for free housing. Being emotionally invested wasn’t necessarily a part of the job requirements (it really just required that you report underage drinking), but he still felt the need to protect his frosh, to keep them safe and support them emotionally. He wished he could detach himself. Let them make the same mistakes that he did. But that wasn't in Kim Taehyung's nature. Jimin had told him it was because he was a good friend, but Taehyung generally lacked the ability to view himself as anything remotely positive.  
  
And thus, Taehyung dragged himself to a crappy party to let out the pent-up stress. He walked haphazardly into the crowded room. It was dim, but not too dim to see the gruesome sight of students clingy desperately to each other, playing the unethical game of push and pull that governed their campus’s hookup culture. Taehyung knew it was a bad idea for him to hook up; he always got attached somehow, regardless of the person; but he wanted to get fucked _hard_ tonight. He wanted to finally feel wanted again, to feel beautiful. Lord knows he couldn’t feel that way without some sloppy-drunk, closeted asshole shoving a dick inside him. Not that he’d even been touched since Jungkook left.  
  
Taehyung sauntered into the crowd after tossing the bottle of beer he had been nursing into the already-full trash can. It was his second drink of the night, but two beers were not enough to get him where he wanted to be, so instead, he wandered towards the edge of the dancefloor in search of drinks. That was where he saw Jungkook.  
  
The raven was leaning towards the wall, both hands on either side of some random girls’ head, trapping her in like a helpless princess at the mercy of some evil maniac. Taehyung nearly gagged, his heart flaming with what was, unfortunately, jealousy. _Did I mention I get really,_ really _attached?_ Before he could process what he was doing, he was at Jungkook’s side, grabbing his shoulder and tugging him away. The girl glanced at him and immediately hurried away, her cheeks flushed in embarrassment. Jungkook licked his swollen lips sloppily and turned to face Taehyung. The moment their gazes locked, Jungkook honed in on him and moved towards him slowly.  
  
Taehyung gasped when Jungkook’s approach picked up speed, and before he knew it _he_ was being shoved against the wall, right where the stranger had been earlier. The raven’s lips were inches from Taehyung’s, sending out horrible waves of alcohol-breath into his nostrils. Taehyung summoned his courage and pushed him away.  
  
“Stop,” Jungkook muttered feebly. Taehyung’s eyebrows raised sky-high. Jungkook seemed so… so terribly broken. He hadn’t interacted with him in nearly a year, but this was clearly not Jungkook’s finest moment. “Stop it,” he groaned, clutching his head and squinting hard.  
  
“Stop what?” Taehyung asked, his voice level from his regretfully sober state of mind.  
  
“Stop… pushing me away…” Jungkook stammered. He nearly fell over, but Taehyung caught him and ended up cradling Jungkook’s head with a hand. Jungkook took the hand off, opting instead to rest his forehead in the crook of Taehyung’s neck. “T-Tae…” Jungkook murmured. Taehyung’s heart was hammering away at his ribcage and it felt like the bones were shattering into pieces from the force its pulsing, but he couldn’t give up, not when Jungkook seemed to be a single shot of vodka from dying of alcohol poisoning. Taehyung hoisted his arm over his shoulder. He tugged Jungkook all the way up the stairs and into an empty bedroom. There, he let Jungkook fall onto the bed and grimaced. Jungkook’s shirt was fucking covered in beer. _Horrible._  
  
Taehyung stripped Jungkook’s shirt and willed himself to avoid the raven’s abs, but then Jungkook grabbed his hand.  
  
“T-touch me,” Jungkook whined. Taehyung’s eyes widened. “Fucking touch me, Tae,” he begged. In a moment of weakness, Taehyung let Jungkook drag his hand closer, and then the irresistible feeling of smooth skin over hard muscle was at his fingertips. Taehyung breathed in a shuttered gasp and retracted his hands. “Why do… why do you always pull away…” Jungkook murmured, and _are those fucking tears in his eyes??_  
  
“Jungkook, you’re drunk,” Taehyung stated. His voice cracked multiple times, but he was pretty sure Jungkook wouldn’t be able to tell in his state. Jungkook shook his head weakly, but Taehyung didn’t let him complain. “Go to sleep.”  
  
"'M not drunk," Jungkook whined. His arms were waving sloppily in the air around his face, probably trying to touch Taehyung somehow.  
  
Taehyung let out a low noise of frustration and forcibly shoved a pillow under Jungkook's head. "Go the fuck to sleep. You'll feel better when you wake up." The look of pure fear on Jungkook's face forced Taehyung to resign a bit of his anger. "I promise, OK, Jungkook?"  
  
After a few more minutes of drunken rambling and sobbed pleas, Jungkook fell asleep. His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were still trembling. Taehyung sat on the bed next to the raven. He let out a heavy sigh and cradled his own aching head in his hands.  
  
This was not how his night was supposed to turn out. He just wanted to have fun and forget – but here he was, dealing with a wasted douchebag-meets-athlete, although the boy was acting more like an overgrown infant. The very boy who had broken his heart was now begging him to hold him? To touch him? Taehyung could write a fucking book about the irony of it all.  
  
Taehyung’s gaze flew from Jungkook’s face when a knock on the door sounded in the room. In his panic, he shot off the bed and cracked the door just an inch, only to be met with the very girl Jungkook had been practically humping only half an hour ago. She seemed shockingly sober for someone who had just been hooking up with a shit-faced baseball star, and Taehyung was immediately unnerved. There was something fishy about the consent in that circumstance.  
  
“Hey…” she began. Before Taehyung could react, she shifted so that Jungkook fell into her line of vision, and her mouth fell wide open. “What the _fuck-”_  
  
“Listen, I think you should go,” Taehyung said, keeping his voice as stern as possible. The girl looked at him like he was a maniac; and perhaps he was. Nobody in their right mind would take care of the man who had broken their heart and abandoned them for a year.  
  
“I’m not going,” she seethed. She glanced back at Jungkook and tried to shove her way into the room, but Taehyung was stronger than his lithe form would suggest – at least he was back then, due to his unhealthy exercise habits (which, of course, stemmed from his terrible body image). The girl stared up at him, incredulous with a fiery challenge in her eyes. After a moment, she huffed in surrender and crossed her arms over her busty chest. “Listen, we went on a date earlier tonight. I don’t know who the fuck you are, but I’m trying to make that boy my boyfriend, so let me take care of him, ok?”  
  
Taehyung’s heart contorted and fell and exploded all at once. Overtaken by rage and petty jealousy, he gave the girl the most vicious stare he could muster, and slammed the door right in her face. He heard her let out a yelp, but then the sound of high heels stomping on the ground faded down the corridor, and they were finally alone again.  
  
The room was eerily silent and it took Taehyung a total of five seconds to figure out why. Jungkook was no longer whimpering and breathing loudly in his sleep. Taehyung spun around, only to be met with Jungkook’s piercing gaze.  
  
“K-Kook… Jungkook,” Taehyung stammered, barely able to correct himself from using the familiar nickname while under the inspection of the muscular boy’s dark orbs. After a painful moment of silence, Jungkook blinked hard.  
  
“Stop that,” he muttered. He was clearly still drunk, but it seemed like something had changed in his gaze.  
  
“Stop… stop what?”  
  
“Take it off,” Jungkook commanded, his words only slightly slurred. Taehyung froze, a deer in the headlights. Only months ago, and in his wildest of fantasies, would he imagine Jeon Jungkook telling him to strip. His heart raced and he couldn't help but wonder... _is it possible? For something to happen?_. But then, the illusion was shattered. “Take off that mask.”  
  
Taehyung stared at him. He tried to find the words in his throat, but all that came out was “huh?”  
  
Jungkook’s expression turned to a scowl, his gaze fuming with rage. Even from across the room, Taehyung flinched. His arm was throbbing, perhaps a reflexive response due to all the times Jungkook had hurt him.  
  
“That mask… it makes you look like…”  
  
Taehyung raised an eyebrow. He couldn’t help himself. “Like who?”  
  
“Like… this person I used to be… am… am in love with…”  
  
Taehyung's body was out the door long before his mind was. He slammed the door behind him and trudged down the hallway, looking desperately for anybody to help. Taehyung’s mind was on overload, and all he knew was that he needed to get as far away from that devil as soon as possible. And yet, as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t bring himself to leave a horribly vulnerable Jungkook, eyes dried from tears, alone and wasted at some crappy party - especially with some suspiciously sober girl lusting after him. Even after all these months, he was still so horribly smitten.  
  
Jimin was grinding up on some random guy when he found him and pulled the older aside. Taehyung’s throat was dry and it took him a bit to find the words. Jimin’s slightly annoyed, but mostly very concerned expression wasn’t helping. And yet, when he imagined that fucking girl kissing a vulnerable, inebriated Jungkook, he suddenly found his voice.  
  
“Jimin… I need a favor.”

 

_**The present…**_  
  
Taehyung collapses into his bed the moment he pulls off his jeans. He sighs into his bed’s warm embrace, the soft touch that Jungkook could never provide him – and there that fucking bastard is again, _damn it,_ forcing himself into Taehyung’s thoughts. Taehyung hits himself a bit too hard on his face, and he winces.  
  
“You’re a fucking idiot,” he hisses to himself. He had gotten so good at keeping that asshole out of his mind, but talking to him just once at work forced his walls to crumble again, leaving nothing but dust. As horrible as it is, he can’t even bring himself to focus on the pain Jungkook had put him through. His mind keeps drifting to the beautiful moments they shared; the times they lay on opposite sides of the bed, feet barely grazing to a touch every so often. The time Jungkook had stolen his phone – from his unlocked room, which had nearly given Taehyung a heart attack when he got back from showering – and taken nearly a hundred selfies all around their dorm. The jerk had even invaded their hallmates’ rooms and taken creeper pictures of them as they studied. Their unsuspecting floormates had hated them for weeks because of that bullshit, and every time one of them scolded Taehyung, all he could do was smile.  
  
It wouldn’t be so bad if not for that night one year ago, when Jungkook drunkenly spilled that he had been in love with Taehyung. That night had reopened so many wounds in Taehyung’s patched-up heart. It had sent him spiraling into an entire month of depression, which had led to thoughts about losing his mom, and only a week later, he was self-harming again for the first time in years. This time, though, the pain from the cuts had made him think about the way Jungkook hit him.  
  
Taehyung knows he’s a fucked-up person. He’s come to terms with that. Nobody with a life like his deserves to be happy. Everything he touches turns to goddamn shit, and he has simply come to accept that. It’s why he’s isolated himself so much from all his friends – even Jimin, to an extent – and the warm embrace of his bed had become like a best friend to him. He’s taking five classes this semester, working sixteen hours a week at Silverstreet Coffee, and either dancing or working out sometimes more than three hours a day. Taehyung had convinced himself that he couldn’t rely on anyone, and that if he tried to, he would only bring them down with him.  
  
That’s why when Taehyung receives a snapchat from Jimin – a picture of him, Yoongi, Seokjin, and Hoseok partying it up at Soojung’s party – he chucks his phone down onto the bed next to him and chooses solitude again, for the hundredth night in a row. For a second, he lets himself think that he deserves better than another lonely night, but then he reminds himself that he deserves nothing. His friends are better off without him.  
  
Sad sleep takes him all too soon, and when he wakes up at 5:00a.m. to go to work, Taehyung is all too glad to escape the dreams filled with a certain bunny-toothed smile. 

  
  


It’s slow at work for a Sunday. Normally, the café is packed with churchgoers desperate to wake themselves up with some caffeine before they go pray to whoever the fuck their “God” is. Taehyung hates religion, almost with a passion. No God would take his mother, the only person he had ever trusted with all his heart and soul, away from him. Taehyung refused to believe that some person in the sky those bastards in fancy suits and dresses worshipped had driven his life into the ground.  
  
The weather is gloomy today. It’s the kind of day where the sky is completely cloudy, as if on the verge of nighttime, but only the occasional tear is shed from the melancholy heavens. Taehyung enjoys weather like this. It matches his gloomy mood, and something about that is strangely cathartic.  
  
A woman comes up to Taehyung, one of the few churchgoers who showed up today, and smiles at him. Taehyung smiles back. It’s genuine, too – this woman is a regular, and she always slips a few dollars into the bin labeled ‘tips’ after buying her chai tea with a shot of caramel sauce. Taehyung doesn’t even wait for her to order. He turns around and makes the drink. She gives him a pleasant laugh as he steams the milk and then she pulls out the normal $3.50 from her navy purse, but doesn’t forget to slip a $5 bill into the jar. Taehyung tries to convey his gratitude through a grin over his shoulder and he really does hope she sees it.  
  
“You seem down today,” the woman says. Taehyung gulps and turns to finish off her drink.  
  
“Must be the weather getting to me,” Taehyung replies as he turns around. He hands her the warm drink with a smile, although this one is clearly forced. The woman puts one hand on her hip and brings the other to touch her chin, a thoughtful look on her face.  
  
“You know…” she hums, and it’s shocking how soothing her normally-chirpy voice is now, “…I don’t know if you believe in any type of faith, but maybe you’d like to stop by the Holy Silver Church?” Taehyung feels a reflexive grimace cross his lips, and the woman is quick to backtrack. “Sorry, sorry, that was presumptuous of me,” she stammers, waving her dainty hands at her chest. “Honestly, I don’t really know if I believe in God for real, but the community at church helped me a lot when... my dad passed.”  
  
Taehyung’s grimace flops into a sad smile. He lets out a heavy sigh and nods sympathetically. “I’m sorry to hear that. My mom passed away as well.” His eyes widen when the woman takes his hand, her grip soft but sure. She stares at him with so much sympathy it nearly makes him flinch.  
  
“If you ever feel alone, look to someone. I don’t care if it’s God, your best friend, a random church-going stranger in your coffee shop, or your pet fish. Just… don’t let yourself be alone.” The woman’s words hit a chord with Taehyung and he is completely taken aback. Tears are welling up in his eyes now, but he can’t bring himself to pull away. The woman’s gaze is so assuring, so full of love, that Taehyung is unable to move. “My name is Sooyoung, by the way,” she says. Sooyoung shakes Taehyung’s hand and he returns the gesture.  
  
“Taehyung,” he replies. “That’s, my name, I mean.”  
  
The woman laughs softly at him and wipes a tiny bit of moisture from her tear ducts. “It’s really nice to meet you, Taehyung-ssi,” she says. She gives him a nod and then starts to turn away, but she pauses for a moment. “I meant it, by the way. My offer still stands. Just let me know when – if – you want to come to church, and I’ll take you.”  
  
Taehyung nods at her with a grateful smile and returns to the coffee machine. He wipes down the milk steamer, and by the time he’s done, Sooyoung is out the door, walking to the community she seems to love so dearly.  
  
Taehyung can’t help but wonder if he’ll ever find a home like that.

  
  


By two in the afternoon, the sky has cleared up significantly, and the café is crowded again. Namjoon had to take care of “important manager duties” in the back, so Taehyung is left with a line of over ten costumers. He frantically takes orders, scribbling down notes on a piece of paper so he doesn’t lose track of all the obnoxious details, and when the line finally dwindles down, he lets himself take a two second break.  
  
It’s then that he notices Jeon Jungkook sitting at a table in the corner of a café. The boy is wearing a loose-fitting, faded leather jacket (one Taehyung remembers telling him he looked good in) and a comfortable pair of jeans. Shockingly enough, the athlete is also wearing a caramel-colored scarf that screams ‘hand-made by my grandma!’ Taehyung can’t help but giggle at the muscled-up hunk of man in that disgusting scarf, but then he nearly slaps himself because _this is fucking Jeon Jungkook._  
  
Taehyung spins around and finishes the last drink, which he accidently puts three shots of expresso into instead of one _(oops, somebody won’t be sleeping for a while!),_ and hands it off to the scowling old guy behind the counter.  
  
“Next?” Taehyung calls. He’s greeted by none other than Jackson, the same douchebag who had been on their first-year hall and had made his blatant homophobia all too well-known. “Oh, hey,” Taehyung breathes. No matter how much of an uptight homophobe Jackson is, he’s still cute, and he seems to care a lot about his friends, so _maybe everyone deserves some respect once in a while?_  
  
“Hey, Taehyung,” Jackson replies, an obviously ingenuine smile on his face.  
  
“What can I get you?”  
  
“I’d like a large iced americano with a little bit of half-and-half and a shot of caramel sauce, and a small chocolate milk with skim. Oh, and could you make the chocolate milk with half white chocolate and half normal chocolate?”  
  
Taehyung gapes at him, and then lets out a pained chuckle. Jackson just stares at him. “Oh, sorry,” Taehyung quickly stammers. He scribbles down some notes and smiles sheepishly. “It’s just… that was kind of the definition of an annoying order.”  
  
Jackson raises an eyebrow at Taehyung and frowns pointedly. “Your point?”  
  
_Oh, dear God, if you really do exist, smite this idiot down now!_ Taehyung silently spins around and begins making the drinks. The line is bound to get huge because of this damn asshole, and of course everyone will think it’s Taehyung’s fault.  
  
When Taehyung’s finally done with the drinks, he hands them off to Jackson and rings up the total.  
  
“That’d be $7.58, please,” Taehyung chirps. Jackson grimaces at him and raises that annoying eyebrow again.  
  
“You’re charging me eight bucks for these two shit drinks?” he asks, and as if it weren’t enough that this bastard just insulted Taehyung’s drinks, he has the damn nerve to look at Taehyung like he’s a tiny bit of dirt stuck to the bottom of his self-righteous shoe.  
  
Taehyung doesn’t normally get frustrated at his costumers. Maybe it’s because Jackson once told him that he believes all gay people are sinners, and that all sinners go to hell. Maybe it’s because it’s a Sunday, and he has infinite amounts of homework (most of which he won’t do because he’ll probably be panicking on his bathroom floor for two hours, in typical pre-Monday fashion). Maybe it’s because Jungkook is walking over now, and he looks fucking pissed. Whatever it is, today, Taehyung snaps.  
  
“Listen up-” he begins, his tone absolutely seething, but then he’s interrupted by Jungkook. The younger reaches over the counter and puts a hand softly on Taehyung’s shoulder, causing the blonde to nearly pass out and grab onto the counter for support.  
  
“Yah, Tae, is this guy giving you trouble?” he questions. Jackson stares at Jungkook for a second, a hint of fear clear on his face, but then he scoffs.  
  
“Nice way to say ‘hey’ to your former buddy, Jeon,” Jackson hisses. He takes a sip of the Americano and promptly spits it onto the ground. “This tastes like shit, Kim.”  
  
Before Taehyung can get Namjoon out to talk some sense into the asshole, he hears the sound of two drinks falling to the floor, and Jungkook is holding Jackson by the collar. Jungkook’s face is pure rage, and everything about Jackson’s body language is pure terror.  
  
“Say that one more time,” Jungkook threatens. Jackson lets out a choked whimper and then stutters, desperately trying to save himself from the athlete-turned-monster that’s holding him a few inches above the ground.  
  
“S-sorry, I d-didn’t-”  
  
“That’s what I thought,” Jungkook hisses. He lets Jackson back onto the ground and gives the asshole a light smack on the shoulder. “You were quite a rude little fuck to our Taehyung-ssi here, so why don’t you make it up to him by cleaning up this mess, yeah?” Jackson simply stares at Jungkook, occasionally glancing at Taehyung and then at the tiny crowd that’s forming around them. All eyes are on them now, and Taehyung’s face is boiling in embarrassment. “Do I have to repeat myself?”  
  
Jackson only shakes his head vigorously and picks up the cups, now soaked in sugary drinks, and brings them over to the garbage. Taehyung grabs the mop from behind the counter and hands it to Jungkook, who is now grinning his bunny smile at Taehyung. Taehyung can’t help but return the grin.  
  
After ensuring that Jackson cleans up his disgusting mess in a frenzied panic, Jungkook moves calmly to the end of the line. People are still staring, but now, too many eyes are on Taehyung. They’re probably wondering why the hell that hot jock just stood up for the poor, scrawny barista. And yet, Taehyung can’t bring himself to care – he just wants to get through the line as fast as possible. He can’t help wanting desperately to talk to Jungkook and hoping to receive at least _some_ reason for that little display.  
  
Three small coffees, two lattes, and a few more-annoying orders later, Jungkook is the next costumer and he's the only one waiting in line. Taehyung hands off the last order to a professional-looking businesswoman and lets a shy smile play on his lips when Jungkook walks up.  
  
Now, with the barista nook’s brighter lights shining on Jungkook, Taehyung can tell that his normally jet-black, raven-like hair has a slight purple tint to it. Taehyung’s eyes go wide.  
  
“Did you dye your hair?!” he gapes. Jungkook grins at him and nods.  
  
“Yeah, I kind of wanted a change, you know? I got inspired last night after seeing you… your hair, I mean, uh… yeah, so I did this!”  
  
Taehyung can’t help but giggle. Before he can stop himself, he’s speaking again. “It looks good.” And that’s the understatement of the century, because Jungkook looks like a fucking model with his hair like this – a slight purple hue, parted in the middle to accentuate his face shape, plus that leather jacket is looking pretty hot under these lights. “Nice scarf, by the way.”  
  
“Thanks,” Jungkook says with a shy grin. "My grandma made it for me. She's not too good at knitting or anything, but she's the best and I promised I would wear it." Taehyung’s not sure if this is the same Jeon Jungkook he spent hours on end with two years ago and it’s quite unnerving, but he can’t bring himself to feel terribly concerned. It’s only leaving him with a disturbing giddiness, like a little girl meeting her elementary school crush for a playdate.  
  
“So… what was that back there…?” Taehyung ventures. He notices the way Jungkook’s brows furrow a bit, almost in a protective manner.  
  
“Jackson was acting like a shit, and it made me mad,” he explains. Taehyung hums in agreement and busies himself with rearranging the baked goods on display. Jungkook leans further towards the counter, a slight frown on his lips, and rests his chin on his hand. “Does that happen to you often? You know, getting treated like that?”  
  
Taehyung ponders it for a second, and then shrugs. “Yeah, but you get used to it.” This time, he flinches when Jungkook reaches out, but then Jungkook’s hand is resting softly on his own, and _this is too much contact._  
  
“You don’t deserve to be treated like that,” Jungkook says, his voice so impossibly soothing and genuine.  
  
This can’t be real. Taehyung wants to ask Jungkook why he treated him like a hybrid between a punching bag, a pile of shit, and a personal therapist for months on end if he doesn’t deserve to be treated like that, but all he can muster up is a feeble “I guess.”  
  
Jungkook seems thoroughly unsatisfied with the response if the way he cocks his head and chews the inside of his mouth means anything. Fortunately, the raven pulls his hand back to his side and hums.  
  
“Still, I’m glad he had to own up to his idiocy.”  
  
“Yeah,” Taehyung mumbles. “Thanks for that, by the way. You… you really didn’t have to.”  
  
Jungkook hurries to respond. “No, it’s totally fine. It’s the least I can do, after…” Jungkook trails off then, as if he reached a dead end, or perhaps the point of no return, and he coughs.  
  
“I appreciate that,” Taehyung says. Jungkook shoots him a thankful smile for letting him leave his previous rambling unfinished, and Taehyung finds himself smiling right back. “Really, though, it was too much for you to do.”  
  
An eyebrow is raised on Jungkook’s face, and Taehyung knows all too well that this is the Jeon Jungkook who rises to any challenge, no matter how fierce. “Yeah?” he begins, and Taehyung tenses behind the counter. “You can make it up to me, then.”  
  
“H-how?” Taehyung stammers, his eyes drawn straight to Jungkook’s tongue that’s subtly wetting his lips. Jungkook chuckles and puts his hand over Taehyung’s again, the barely-there caress burning hot on Taehyung’s skin.  
  
“Let me take you out to dinner.” 

  
  


“He said _what?!”_  
  
Jimin’s generally known for being an expressive person, but this takes it to a whole new level. His eyes are huge saucers underneath his hooded lids. His eyebrows are nowhere to be found, hiding way up under his fringe, and his agape mouth resembles a flounder. Needless to say, Jimin’s shocked.  
  
“He asked me to let him take me out to dinner,” Taehyung replies with a shrug. He clutches his pillow closer to his chest.  
  
It’s a good thing Jimin is as overbearing as he is. The older boy tends to barge into Taehyung's dorm room unannounced, and he never fails to pull Taehyung out of whatever self-deprecating thoughts he’s inevitably stewing in. Today, Taehyung realizes that Jimin’s comical reactions and heartfelt advice are exactly what he needs.  
  
“And what did you say…?” Jimin asks. He pauses before adding, “do I even want to know…?”  
  
Taehyung takes in a heavy sigh. “I said maybe,” he responds, always trying to be truthful.  
  
“Tae...” Jimin sighs. He pats Taehyung on the cap of his bent knee and then moves to stroke the blond hair from his eyes. “You can’t go back there, hun.”  
  
“I’m not, Chim. You know how much I fucking hate that douchebag. It’s just… he was being so kind to me, you know? It’s almost like he was a different person.”  
  
Jimin ponders that for a second with his hand on his chin. “Maybe he saw your blond hair and realized how much of a hot piece of ass he’s been missing,” Jimin muses, and the thought of Jungkook thinking about his ass does nothing but make Taehyung’s brain feel like mush. “If he really was acting that, well, nice, maybe he’s grown up or something.” When Jimin takes in the naively hopeful expression on Taehyung’s face, he hurries to finish his thought. “I’m not saying people just change like that, but I guess it couldn’t hurt to see what’s been up with him. As long as you don't let him hurt you again.”  
  
Taehyung nods and pulls out the slip of paper Jungkook handed to him before his shift ended. It’s got the letters 'JJK' on it, and a phone number with an area code Taehyung vaguely recognizes. He enters the number into his phone. After some consideration, he saves it as “Kook  >:( .”  
  
“What the hell do I say?” Taehyung groans, mostly to himself. Jimin shrugs and occupies himself by playing with the hem of Taehyung’s shirt. Jimin’s always been touchy and affectionate. It’s not like Taehyung dislikes it; in fact, sometimes some platonic physical comfort is exactly what needs to stay grounded.  
  
“Just say whatever the hell you want,” Jimin shrugs as he folds the soft fabric over. Before Taehyung can turn to type, Jimin grabs his hand. “I love you, Tae... you know that, right?”  
  
A familiar feeling off guilt bubbles up in Taehyung’s stomach, but he just stares at Jimin and pushes back the feeling. It’s not uncommon for Jimin to declare his love at times like this, but something about this time feels almost off – the way they’re touching intimately, discussing romance, and how Jimin’s face is merely inches away from his own.  
  
“Yeah,” Taehyung replies, his voice shaky. “I love you, too, of course.”  
  
Jimin just nods a bit solemnly and gestures at Taehyung’s phone. Taehyung would never admit it, but he knows Jimin has feelings for him that aren’t entirely platonic. He knows because Jimin’s tried to kiss him at least once while drunk. It’s not that Jimin isn’t good looking… it’s more that, like with Hoseok, Taehyung hasn’t felt love, or any real passion at all, since Jungkook left him.  
  
Taehyung shakes away the troubling thought and decides to type a simple “hey” into his phone. Less than a minute later, the reply is in.  
  
_**To: Kook >:( **: Hey_  
  
_**From: Kook >:( ** Who dis? Tae?_  
  
_**To: Kook >:( :** Yep, it’s me._  
  
_**From: Kook >:( :** Damn, I was getting worried you wouldn’t respond…_  
  
_**From: Kook >:( :** I guess, thanks?_  
  
_**To: Kook >:( :** For what?_  
  
_**From: Kook >:( :** Messaging me, I guess…_  
  
Taehyung cringes because this is just too awkward. He types back a simple “np” with a casual smiley emoticon and turns off his phone immediately. Jimin smiles at him and gets off his bed.  
  
“I’m gonna make dinner, you want any?” he asks.  
  
“Nah, I’m fine, not too hungry.”  
  
Jimin raises an eyebrow and Taehyung knows what’s coming before he can stop his best friend. “Did you eat anything today?”  
  
“I had breakfast-”  
  
“What did you eat?”  
  
Taehyung sighs because he knows he’s lost this battle. “A banana and a bagel,” he admits.  
  
“Kim fucking Taehyung,” Jimin scolds, quite literally shaking his finger in front of Taehyung’s nose. “You know that’s not enough food for one day. You can’t dance for hours every day and expect less than 1,000 calories to sustain you; you’ll die.”  
  
Feeling unjustly defensive, Taehyung huffs back his best excuse. “I had an apple with some peanut butter earlier-”  
  
“Oh, fucking hell, Tae, shut the fuck up and let me feed you!” Jimin nearly shouts, his face red from frustration.  
  
This kind of tense outburst happens far too often for either of their liking. Sometimes Jimin gets so frustrated with Taehyung’s nearly starving himself that he throws things across the room, red-hot tears prickling at his eyes. Sometimes, though, he shakes his head weakly and brings Taehyung a small portion of literally whatever he can find, and takes care of the dirty dishes after Taehyung’s eaten only a third of the food. Some days he even lets Taehyung get away with it, nodding quietly in defeat. Taehyung’s not sure if it hurts more when Jimin silently accepts it, or when he gets all enraged like this. Either way he only feels guilty.  
  
“Fine, fine,” Taehyung replies, his brain swimming with a horrid combination of guilt and self-loathing. He can’t help but envision the food Jimin’s going to get him traveling straight to his stomach and he wants to express his thoughts but he knows that if he does, Jimin will try to take him to an eating disorder clinic again and that did not end well last time.  
  
Jimin quickly makes Taehyung his favorite food in the communal kitchen, pasta with broccoli meat sauce, and brings it to his bed. Taehyung’s half asleep by this point, kept awake only by the knowledge that Jimin won’t let him slip into rest when he hasn’t eaten anything. Jimin perches the warm bowl in Taehyung’s lap and motions for him to start. When Taehyung nearly drops the food from his fork onto his comforter in his half-asleep stupor, Jimin sighs and grabs the fork from his hand. He proceeds to feed Taehyung, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.  
  
“Thanks,” Taehyung whispers when the food is all gone. Jimin flashes him a genuine smile and Taehyung can see the relief swimming in his eyes. Taehyung wishes his friends didn’t care about him so much. Things would be so much easier that way.

  
  


As if Monday mornings weren’t bad enough already, the first day of this particular week is plagued with insane rainfall. It’s almost like every drop of water that didn’t fall from yesterday’s gloomy clouds is coming down with a vengeance today. The sun is nowhere to be found, and by the time Taehyung makes it to his late-afternoon shift after classes, his casual jeans-and-sweater outfit is drenched.  
  
Taehyung clamors into the back room, waving casually at Yoongi, who works the shift before him, and finds his uniform in his tiny cubby. He trudges into the staff bathroom and changes. He uses paper towels to get the excess water off his skin as he does so and throws his soaking clothes into a plastic bag.  
  
When he’s finally done, he leaves the back area only to be greeted with a line of over ten customers. It looks like Yoongi decided to leave the moment his shift was up and leave the coffee bar unattended. _Classic Monday._  
  
The ease with which Taehyung handles the line is surprising even to himself. He’s going on autopilot, but today it’s an efficient kind of autopilot. His brain is a mess, so he lets his body do the work instead.  
  
Taehyung is snapped out of his daze when he’s greeted with Sooyoung at the register. She smiles sweetly at him and he smiles right back.  
  
“Afternoon, Sooyoung-ssi,” he greets. He turns to make her normal drink, but she stops him.  
  
“No, it’s fine,” she says hurriedly. “It’s just… I just wanted a cup for water, but also… I’ve been thinking about it, and maybe you’d like to go to some kind of support group with me? Like, one for people whose-”  
  
“Sooyoung…” Taehyung interrupts her. He gazes sadly into her hopeful eyes and shakes his head. “I'm sorry, I just don’t think I’m ready for that step.” Sooyoung’s eyes are so disappointed it almost hurts. He remembers what she said to him, about not letting himself be alone. _If only she knew how alone I really am…_  
  
“I understand,” she replies slowly. She offers him a forced smile and takes the water cup from his hand. “Thanks for the water, Taehyung-ssi.” 

  
  


After a shit-storm of classes, papers, midterms, work, and dance, Taehyung lets the joy of Friday sink into him. He doesn’t have much class on Fridays so he has nearly eight hours to work at Silverstreet. His boss had been especially rude this week, but much to Taehyung’s luck, he called in sick today. Namjoon has been replacing their ailing boss whenever the older boy’s not in classes of his own, and Taehyung is grateful for another presence, even if Namjoon barely has time to interact with him.  
  
While the week overall has been hell, Taehyung’s looking forward to this weekend more than normal. He actually wants to go out tonight for once in his life, because Jimin came back telling him the craziest stories about some guy named Jin, and he needs Taehyung to be his wingman. After being practically babied by the older boy the past Sunday, Taehyung knew he couldn’t refuse. Anything to get the guilt of burdening Jimin off his chest would be good.  
  
Taehyung feels his phone buzz against his pocket. The café is nearly full, like always, but there’s no customers at the counter, so Taehyung has a chance to check his messages. There are three from Jimin, as per usual, and one from Jungkook. Taehyung glances over at the table where Jungkook has being sitting almost every day for the past week and, sure enough, there’s the raven, staring at him with a gentle smile on his lips. Taehyung hides his blush behind his bangs and checks the message, but not before he changes Jungkook's contact name to reflect the side of Taehyung who is still hopelessly crushing on the boy.  
  
_**From: Kookie:** It’s slow today, huh?_  
  
_**To: Kookie:** Yeah, I guess nobody wants my coffee… :’( _  
  
Before Taehyung can even look up, Jungkook is at the counter, tapping his first finger against his chin and humming dramatically. He’s staring at the drink selection as if he's trying to make a decision, but Taehyung knows what he wants to order like the back of his hand after five days of making it.  
  
“Medium vanilla latte with soymilk, coming right up,” Taehyung announces with a childish giggle. Jungkook stares at him in mock amazement.  
  
“You must have read my mind,” he gasps.  
  
Taehyung chuckles despite himself and sets the machine to two expresso shots. “You’ve been here every other day this week, how am I supposed to forget?” he explains. “Do you come on days I have off, too?” He immediately regrets asking that question because the answer makes his heart race and twist and blow up.  
  
“Why would I? No point if you’re not around,” Jungkook says with a casual shrug. He scratches at his purple-tinged locks and flashes a bunny-toothed smile. _Oh, fuck._  
  
Without a word, Taehyung turns around and grabs the steamed milk. He pours it into the cup and hands it off to Jungkook.  
  
“Thanks,” Jungkook says. Taehyung nods and takes Jungkook’s card. He almost doesn’t see the note Jungkook slips into the tip jar. Jungkook smiles at him and returns to his table, where he sits facing the window so that Taehyung can only see a tiny sliver of his gorgeous face. Taehyung sticks his hand into the tip jar once he’s sure Jungkook’s not sneaking any glances towards him. He unwraps the note. It reads, ‘My offer for dinner still stands, you know…'  
  
Taehyung hides his embarrassed blush behind his sleeve. Only a few moments later, his phone buzzes.  
  
_**From: Kookie:** Your coffee’s great, they must be crazy. _

  
  


With his shift over, Taehyung exists the coffee shop and flips the sign to closed. Namjoon had to head out early that day, so they're closing up just after 8:00 p.m. Taehyung is more than ready to go party it up with Jimin and meet this Jin fellow he’s been talking about so much, but then he remembers he doesn’t have his umbrella on him and it’s fucking raining again. He steps over a few puddles and tries to use his sweatshirt for a jacket, but it’s not working too well. Eventually he gives up and walks the first block entirely soaked. It takes Taehyung a total of two minutes to realize that this situation is even less ideal than he had thought; being wet is only making the chilly wind more unbearable, and he's already shivering.  
  
He sees the headlights of a car pull up next to him and Taehyung immediately picks up his pace. He’s become too wary of strangers after all the fucked-up shit that’s happened in the past, so it’s second nature to assume the worst in dangerous situations. The driver picks up speed with him and when the window is rolled down, Taehyung’s greeted by Jungkook’s face, filled with genuine concern.  
  
“Get in,” he calls out. Taehyung just gapes at him, so Jungkook cuts the engine and rushes out the door. He opens the passenger door for Taehyung, but the older is so surprised and conflicted that all he can do is shake his head dumbly. Jungkook sighs and approaches him. He holds out a hand, which Taehyung fails to take. Finally, Jungkook huffs and wraps his arm around Taehyung’s waist. If Taehyung wasn’t dying of shock before, he certainly is now.  
  
“K-Kook…?”  
  
“You’ll fucking die when it’s this freezing and wet,” Jungkook explains simply. He closes the door after Taehyung gets in and he’s in the driver’s seat in a flash. “Plus, if you get sick, I may not be able to get my dinner with you for another week.”  
  
Taehyung can’t help but giggle at that. “Thanks,” he mutters. He lets his eyes shut to a quiet sleep as he hears Jungkook mutter something along the lines of “no problem, Tae.” 

  
  


When Taehyung opens his eyes, he’s in the familiar parking lot of his and Jimin’s dorm complex. Jungkook is carrying him–-  
  
“What the fuck?!” Taehyung gasps. He tries to squirm out of Jungkook’s hold but it’s too tight and he gives up the moment he remembers how sweet Jungkook has been acting for the past week. “How the hell do you know where I live?”  
  
“Jimin told me,” Jungkook replies casually. Taehyung gapes at him but that only makes Jungkook giggle. “You’re cute when you’re surprised.” Admittedly, Taehyung hasn’t masturbated in nearly a week, but the words go straight to his gut and the combination of the praise and Jungkook’s strong, capable arms carrying him to what he presumes is his bed... is getting to him. He tries to squirm again but Jungkook doesn’t let him go. “If you want me to put you down, just tell me, Tae.”  
  
It’s not that he doesn’t _want_ to tell Jungkook to put him down, but he simply doesn’t find the words to say it, so he decides it wouldn’t hurt anyone to let it rest.  
  
Soon enough, Jungkook is at the door to Taehyung’s apartment, and he finally puts the older down. Taehyung quickly adjusts his pants as subtly as possible; the obvious arousal would be too apparent otherwise. If Jungkook did notice it, he doesn’t say anything, so Taehyung simply unlocks the door and steps inside.  
  
He realizes then that this is a critical moment. He can either tell Jungkook to go home, or he can invite him in. Either one will probably lead to him masturbating to the thought of Jungkook’s strong arms and finding Taehyung cute, but he has to take this slow for both their sakes, so he settles for simply thanking Jungkook. Before he knows it, Jungkook takes his hand and places a barely-there kiss on the back of his palm. Taehyung blushes furiously and closes the door as fast as he can, leaving Jungkook with a bunny-toothed grin on the other side.  
  
Before he can think anything better of it, he shouts from behind the door, “Don’t touch me again, Jeon! And… uh… thanks!”  
  
Jungkook only responds with a muffled chuckle.  
  
After a bit of self-deprecating scolding, Taehyung decides to take a quick nap before the party. He dreams only of a certain boy with strong arms and a rabbit-like smile. 

  
  


Taehyung wakes up a few hours later to a runny nose and a throbbing headache. _Fucking hell,_ he thinks, because he knows what an impending cold feels like. He grabs his phone from beside his pillow and shoots Jimin a text.  
  
_**To: ChimChim <3: **Minnie… I’m not feeling so good, can you bring me some advil please?_  
  
It’s not easy to get into the bathroom with his head feeling as fuzzy as it is, but Taehyung makes it in time to see his nose swollen and red, his lips slightly puffy and his cheeks flushed. This doesn’t look like just a cold. It’s starting to seem like he may even have a fever, and that is not a good omen for an overworked college student. Taehyung promptly wanders back into his bed and sees that Jimin has responded.  
  
_**From: ChimChim <3: **Shit, yeah, be there in five_  
  
Taehyung stumbles over to his room’s door one more time so he can leave it unlocked, and then he buries his head into his pillow with a quiet moan. He barely has time to fall into that weird in-between of awake and asleep before Jimin barges in and shakes his shoulders.  
  
“Tae! Tae, get up, I brought medicine!” Jimin whisper-shouts. Taehyung groans and turns around so that he’s still lying down, but at least Jimin can see him now, and the older doesn’t look happy in the least. “Jesus, Taehyung, you look like shit,” he observes. He places the back of his hand on Taehyung’s forehead. “Well, looks like you’d better let Namjoon know you won’t be coming to work tomorrow, because you’ve got a fever and-”  
  
“Fuck, no,” Taehyung interrupts. His words come out as mumbled grunts but the way that Jimin’s eyes narrow indicate he understood just fine. “Minnie, I can’t miss work, I need the money-”  
  
“Fucking hell, Taehyung,” Jimin groans dramatically. “If you need money for food or something, just fucking tell me! Let me buy you the next few dinners or something, ok? And don’t complain, because you’ll be more of a burden on me if you go to work and make me worry than if you let me buy you some damn food.”  
  
Normally, Taehyung would put up a fight, but he’s not feeling too hot and Jimin’s love-filled scolding is making him feel unusually giddy. “You’re the sweetest, Jimin. Why don’t I just marry you?”  
  
Taehyung may be a bit oblivious at times, but he knows people, and he knows Jimin even better. The way his best friend’s face goes just the slightest bit tense and pale at the feverish comment makes Taehyung’s heart sink.  
  
“Go to sleep, Tae,” Jimin says, his voice defeated. “I’ll be back in a bit with some dinner.” Before Taehyung can even think to apologize, Jimin’s shutting the door behind him with a gentle, yet all-too-definitive click.  
  
After nearly ten minutes of sleepless discomfort, Taehyung grabs for his phone. He opens the unread message from Jungkook the moment he sees it.  
  
_**From: Kookie:** You feeling ok?_  
  
_**To: Kookie:** Eh… I think I’m getting sick… agh..._  
  
_**From: Kookie:** Shit, I had a feeling that might happen_  
  
_**From: Kookie:** You need anything, or?_  
  
_**To: Kookie:** Jimin’s taking care of me, thanks though. And really, thank you for driving me back._  
  
_**From: Kookie:** Any time ^_^ _  
  
Taehyung smiles brightly and hugs his pillow into his chest. He knows somewhere in this thick skull that this is bad, that Jungkook means trouble, but that doesn’t stop his heart from beating faster at Jungkook’s undeniably adorable gestures of affection.  
  
The door cracks open slowly at first and Jimin pokes his head in. When he sees Taehyung awake and grinning like an idiot, he raises and eyebrow and enters.  
  
“What’s up with you? Thought you were sick, or were you faking it to get out of the party tonight?” he asks, his tone indicating he’s only half-joking.  
  
“Oh, crap,” Taehyung breathes. He’d forgotten about the party entirely after… well, after his abusive ex-friend drove him home to save him from the freezing rain. “I’m sorry, Minnie, I can still go if you want-”  
  
“Shut up, Tae,” Jimin sighs, shaking his head. “You’re too fucking nice. Take care of yourself and stop worrying about me.” Jimin half-tosses a bag to Taehyung and quickly evacuates the room without another word. Confused but also curious, Taehyung takes out the bag’s contents. It’s a heat-insulating thermos filled with chicken noodle soup.  
  
As if Taehyung didn’t feel guilty enough already.


	3. Broken Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!! I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's a bit of a roller coaster, so hang on tight!  
> Also, CW: serious mental health issues, self-harm

It takes Taehyung nearly 24 hours straight of sleeping to feel better, but by Sunday morning, he’s out of his bed in time for work. Sure, his red nose and puffy cheeks have seen better days, but it’s nothing some Dayquil can’t fix. He rummages around for the medicine in his cabinet and downs a little bit more than the recommended dosage. Then he grabs his bag and heads out the door.  
  
It only takes a few blocks for Taehyung to realize that this may not have been the best idea. His head is starting to spin again, but he’s almost at Silverstreet, so he may as well make it the rest of the way and then reevaluate the situation. He half-walks, half-stumbles into the door and immediately plops down into the closest seat.  
  
Much to his surprise, it’s also the table that Jeon Jungkook is sitting at.  
  
“Morning, sunshine,” Jungkook says a bit too softly. Taehyung must be deliriously hallucinating again, because he could swear he sees Jungkook brushing the blond locks from his eyes, just like he did Friday night. “Tae… you’re clearly still sick, why did you come to work?”  
  
Taehyung tries to make a scoffing noise in response, but it just comes out as a weak whine. “I’m fine, I promise…” he tries. Before Jungkook can respond, Namjoon is upon them with a face full of pure fury.  
  
“God damn it, Kim Taehyung, Jimin told me you’d try to show up,” he seethes. “Looks like _I_ was the stupid one after all, because I told him there’s no way you’d be that stupid to try and come to work with a damn _fever.”_  
  
“H-hyung-” Taehyung whines, but Namjoon’s already more than done with this conversation. He directs his gaze to Jungkook.  
  
“Hey, sorry to bother you, but I’ve seen you talking to Taehyung before. If you’re his friend, would you mind taking him back to his room and making sure he doesn’t leave for the rest of the fucking day?” He turns to Taehyung with a look of sheer disrespect and then back to Jungkook again, putting a hand on the raven’s shoulder. “I’m sure you’re busy, so to make it up to you, I’ll give you free coffee every day for the next month. What do you say?”  
  
The look on Jungkook’s face makes it clear that he’d have agreed even without the free coffee. He nods his head, saying “sure, I’ll take care of it, Hyung.”  
  
“Promise?” Namjoon holds out a pinky finger in the most childish manner possible and Taehyung’s convinced that Jungkook will scoff and swat the hand away. Jeon Jungkook, varsity athlete and absolute hunk, pinky-promising to take care of some sick boy – even to a queer nerd like Taehyung, the thought is ridiculous –  
  
Jungkook takes the pinky into his own and smiles brightly at Namjoon. “Of course. I promise, hyung.”  
  
Taehyung’s too busy gaping at _Jungkook’s evil twin!!_ to realize he’s being pulled out of the café. Jungkook opens the passenger side of his car and guides a hysterical Taehyung in.  
  
“You’re not Jungkook! What did you do with him!” Taehyung yelps, trying to fight the imposter off as the he buckles the seatbelt over Taehyung’s lap. Jungkook’s evil twin has the nerve to giggle in the most fucking adorable way possible, and _that Jungkook impersonation is awfully impressive…_  
  
“You’re lucky you have a fever, or else I’d think you’re completely drunk,” Jungkook chuckles. He brushes the now-slightly sweaty hair from Taehyung’s forehead and for a second, it looks like he’s going to plant a kiss on the now-revealed skin, but he backs away instead. He shuts the door and jogs around the car. When he slides into the driver’s seat, Taehyung is still gaping at him, following the movements of his hand as the raven buckles his own seatbelt.  
  
“Who are you and what did you do with Jeon Jungkook?” Taehyung breathes. He’d be lying if he claimed the fever isn’t making him a little loopy, but mostly, he’s in shock. “Jeon would never pinky promise somebody like that.”  
  
Jungkook makes a thoughtful sound as he revs up the engine and pulls the car out of the parking space. “Maybe the Jungkook you think you knew so well was the imposter, and I’m the real one? Did you ever think of that?”  
  
Taehyung’s undeniably stumped by that one, so he simply groans and slumps back into the plush leather seat. “Whatever…” he murmurs. He hears Jungkook chuckle and give his arm a light pat.  
  
“You can take a quick nap if you want, Tae,” he says gently. “I’m going to stop by the pharmacy to pick up some medicine. I’ll wake you up when we get to your place.” Taehyung tries to scoff but nothing really comes out, unfortunately. _As if I’d just take a nap with some maybe-Jungkook behind the wheel…_ Jungkook turns on the CD player and presses a button labeled ‘2.’ Almost immediately, a very soothing ballad drifts lightly into Taehyung’s ears. He tries to make a noise of protest, but after a short while, he’s shutting his heavy eyelids and surrendering to the comfy warmth of Jungkook’s fancy car.

  
  


“Tae, we’re almost here,” says a fluffy, dark-purple bunny. Weirdly enough, the bunny is the same size as your average human. Taehyung’s standing in a meadow, and there’s a bunch of cartoon-looking birds flying above them. For some reason, though, the birds look like rainbow walruses. The meadow is sort of like a fairy tale, but with a bit of weird vertigo blended in because the ground is shaking and everything is moving. There’s a small family of four people way off in the distance, holding a bunch of multicolored balloons. Taehyung watches the youngest child let go of his balloon, and he notices that a piece of fried chicken is tied to the end. _That's kinda weird._  
  
Taehyung turns his attention back to the overgrown rabbit. The bunny grins it’s bunny-toothed smile and brushes the sweaty hair from his forehead, and when a disoriented Taehyung turns his bleary gaze down to his clammy hands, the scenery starts to blur. The light bends and twists and his head is spinning, but then he’s staring at the sleek leather of a car seat below his thighs. He looks to his left and, sure enough, this is Jungkook’s car, parked in the parking lot of his apartment complex. He turns back to the bunny and that may not be a real-life bunny anymore, but the bunny-toothed grin he’s flashing Taehyung sure makes him look like one.  
  
“Tae, it’s time to wake up,” Jungkook says, bringing his hand to Taehyung’s forehead again to wipe away his stubborn bangs. Taehyung shivers a bit at the touch and twists his face into a deep pout.  
  
“I… why are we here? Where’d the bunny go?”  
  
Jungkook stares at him blankly for a split second and then breaks into a laugh so bright it makes Taehyung’s delirious brain do somersaults. The way his deep voice huffs out ‘ha’s’ in distinct, little bursts; the way his grin twists so far upwards on his face; it all makes Taehyung want to curl into a little hole and meet a blissful, sunshine-y death. A still chuckling Jungkook offers Taehyung a hand and tugs him out of the car to standing. When Taehyung nearly falls over in his delirious instability, Jungkook snakes an arm around his waist and leads him into the apartment. Taehyung pretends it isn’t making his heart flutter in his chest.  
  
When they finally reach Taehyung’s room, he tries to open the door, but the damned key won’t fit in the stupid lock. He huffs in surrender and puts the key into Jungkook’s palm. Jungkook spares Taehyung by only giggling for a second and opens the door. He guides Taehyung in and over to his bed. Immediately, Taehyung feels better. He supposes his body is just happy to know he'll be resting today.  
  
“Wow,” Jungkook breathes, taking in the room with a shimmer in his gaze. He kicks off his shoes and puts them next to the huge pile of dirty clothes laying randomly on the carpeted floor. Taehyung winces because this was not the state he had hoped his room would be in when Jungkook visited him for the first time, but here they are. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen this stuff.”  
  
Taehyung glances up to see Jungkook slowly exploring his bedroom. The raven is taking in the posters and decorations with a thoughtful expression. He almost looks sad, and Taehyung supposes he understands why.  
  
“Been two years, actually,” Taehyung breathes. Jungkook turns around slowly and frowns at Taehyung.  
  
“Yeah,” he breathes. “Way too long.”  
  
Taehyung sighs. His brain is too messed-up to think logically about what’s happening, so he just flops down onto his bed. Jungkook stands there awkwardly for a while before finally deciding to kneel on the ground. Taehyung’s desk chair is on the other side of the room, but it’s currently occupied by a messy stack of textbooks, topped off by a half-eaten bag of chips.  
  
“You can just shove those things off the chair if you want,” Taehyung says. He gestures to Jungkook’s awkward seated position. “That doesn’t seem comfortable.” Jungkook only shrugs, his face almost in a pout, and Taehyung sighs heavily. After a few more seconds of severe awkwardness and irrational guilt at Jungkook's uncomfortable position, Taehyungs sighs again and scoots over a bit. He pats wordlessly on the space next to him and Jungkook looks up at him like a puppy would his owner.  
  
“I don’t want to make you feel-”  
  
“My room, Jeon,” Taehyung mumbles. “My rules.”  
  
That’s all Jungkook needs to hear before he’s climbing onto the bed. He lays above the covers on his side so that he faces Taehyung, his top leg bent slightly and his elbow propping up his upper body. Taehyung is laying on his back, but his head is turned to face Jungkook. For some reason, Taehyung is surprised to find that Jungkook doesn’t do anything – doesn’t take out his phone, doesn’t busy himself with looking around the room… he doesn’t even breathe a word. He just stares at Taehyung with what seems like a mixture of curiosity and concern. Taehyung’s still not used to this kind of attention. Even Jimin tends to busy himself somehow, although he knows that Jimin only does it so Taehyung won’t catch him staring. And as scary and unfamiliar as Jungkook’s constant gaze is, it’s also warm and caring. There’s a generous bit of intentional space left between them and Taehyung has to fight the urge to greedily close that distance.  
  
“Your bed is comfy,” Jungkook nearly whispers, his gaze still trailed unfalteringly on Taehyung. Taehyung returns the stare, his eyes wide and mouth slightly slack. His slightly feverish mind is overwhelmed, but it’s not entirely unpleasant.  
  
“Yeah,” Taehyung replies, and it’s hard to force his voice out at all. Jungkook appears to be scooting closer ever-so-subtly, and Taehyung can’t tell if it’s really happening or if he’s hallucinating. “The mattresses are so uncomfortable… I had to p-put a bunch of b-blankets on…” Taehyung falls silent because Jungkook is definitely getting closer, and now his face is only a few inches away from Taehyung’s. The space between them is thick with something, but Taehyung can’t focus enough to tell what. All he knows is Jungkook’s breath is warm on his face and it smells faintly like coffee and something sweet.  
  
“That was a good idea,” Jungkook whispers, and Taehyung’s not sure if he’s talking about the blankets or scooting closer. Either way, he can’t say he disagrees. Taehyung nods and swallows a heavy gulp. Jungkook suddenly moves his free arm to brush the golden locks from Taehyung’s face, a gesture that’s becoming oddly comforting. His gaze is searching for something, but Taehyung’s brain is short-circuiting and the little people in his head are screaming for him to just do something, anything.  
  
“T-that… that feels n-nice,” Taehyung stammers. Jungkook cracks a smile so bright it’s blinding and Taehyung is forced to return it.  
  
“Good,” Jungkook replies. He dares to move his hand a bit, this time stroking the back and side of Taehyung head instead. “I couldn’t have been more wrong back then… your hair looks really cute like this.”  
  
_Holy fucking shit, Taehyung, what the hell have you gotten yourself into…_  
  
“T-thanks!” Taehyung yelps and did his voice really have to pick that very moment to crack the most painfully it has since his adolescent years ended?!  
  
Jungkook giggles his fucking giggle and bites playfully on his lip. Taehyung’s gaze flickers instantly to it, following the motion and gulping down the saliva welling under his tongue.  
  
“Actually, I changed my mind,” Jungkook says thoughtfully. “It’s not just the hair that looks cute, it’s mostly just you.”  
  
_Oh… oh no._  
  
“J-Jungkook?” Taehyung whispers, because what the fuck else could he say at a time like this? When the man he had been unable to shake from his heart for years, the man who had made him feel the most – both good and bad – of anyone else in his life (except for maybe his late mother), is stroking his head and telling him he’s _cute?_  
  
“Yeah, Tae?”  
  
“I...” His mind is racing, desperate to come up with a response, but now Jungkook is wetting his lips ever-so-subtly and Taehyung feels like his entire body is going to explode. “I-I’m sick!” Taehyung yelps. He promptly covers his mouth with a hand, about ready to die of embarrassment for the sudden outburst, but then a chuckling Jungkook slowly pulls the hand away and interlaces their fingers. The touch is so sweet and steady it brings Taehyung back to earth. He relaxes a little bit, managing to lean in just a touch closer to show that he wants this, too.  
  
Jungkook wets his lips again. He trails the hand at Taehyungs’ hair to the back of his ear, and then down again so it cups Taehyung’s jaw softly. “I don’t get sick,” he whispers. “I’ve got an immune system of steel.”  
  
“That’s… that’s an obnoxiously masculine… thing to s-say,” Taehyung mumbles. Jungkook chuckles at him, his eyes crinkling in that adorable way they do, and then he opens them wide again, his gaze slowly shifting to a sort of gut-twisting desire.  
  
“I want to…” his gaze flickers down to Taehyung’s lips, and then his own lips part, a warm puff of air washing over Taehyung’s chin. “Can I?”  
  
“Y-yeah,” Taehyung breathes, and the moment the word leaves his lips Jungkook surges over the remaining inch between them, connecting their lips and moving his gently, all warm and soft. Taehyung can’t exactly say he knew what it’d feel like to kiss Jungkook, but considering their past, he certainly didn’t expect it to be so thoughtful. It’s slow and sweet, and Taehyung can tell that the younger is holding back from the way his hand grips a bit more firmly at his jaw. Jungkook remains there for a few moments, pressed against his lips, before pulling back. The younger unwraps his fingers from Taehyung’s hand and uses them to cup the other side of Taehyung’s face instead. Taehyung uses the free hand to clutch Jungkook’s shirt in his grip, bunching up the fabric to release the heated tension he’s carrying throughout his entire body.  
  
A too-long moment passes where Jungkook does nothing, just stares into Taehyung’s eyes, and for a moment Taehyung starts to fear he’s done something wrong; but then Jungkook moves back in. He’s slower this time, more deliberate as he moves his lips, even daring to part his lips and flicker a tongue out occasionally, and Taehyung follows the motions as best he can. It’s cheesy, it’s a little awkward, and it’s tinged with the sluggish, hazy awareness that comes with a fever, but it still feels so right.  
  
Jungkook pulls away again and breathes in a heavy, satisfied breath. Taehyung does the same and smiles bashfully at the younger. “That… that also felt nice…” He trails off because he thinks he can hear muffled voices from outside his room. At first it’s a lower voice, tinted with a slight dialect accent, but then there’s another voice – this one is lighter, more obnoxious, and all too familiar. His gaze shoots to the door and then back at Jungkook, a look of sheer panic on his face. “Fuck, I think it’s Jimin, he’s probably here to yell at me for trying to go to work or something,” Taehyung hisses.  
  
Jungkook giggles softly in response. “You deserve it, to be honest,” he replies casually, completely missing the point.  
  
“You don’t fucking _get_ it,” Taehyung hisses with more intensity. “He’ll kill both of us if he finds you kissing me in my fucking bed.”  
  
“What? Why?” Jungkook asks, but his eyes show that the realization is starting to hit him.  
  
“Jungkook, he knows you were being nice to me last week, but… that’s not how you were two years ago…”  
  
Taehyung watches Jungkook’s face harden. It’s as if all the carefree curiosity and sweetness is gone, replaced only by a thick, gray aura of remorse. The raven stands from the bed and wordlessly walks over to the closet. He opens it and shoots Taehyung a defeated nod, and then he enters and shuts the door, leaving his shoes as the only evidence of his presence.  
  
Right on time, Jimin opens the door, but he’s followed by a tall, handsome figure. The stranger waves at Taehyung shyly and rubs the back of his neck.  
  
“Hey, Tae,” Jimin chirps. “How are you feeling?”  
  
“Uh,” Taehyung stammers, glancing between Jimin and the man. “Fine, I guess, definitely still kinda sick though…”  
  
Jimin notices Taehyung’s confusion at the stranger in the room. His lips twist into an ‘o’ shape. Then he pats the man on the back and grins at Taehyung. “Sorry, sorry! Taehyung, this is Seokjin; Jinnie, this is Taehyung. He’s my best friend, the annoying little kid I told you about last night,” he explains as he turns to Jin. Taehyung doesn’t have the heart to be annoyed at the insult, not when Jungkook is hiding in his fucking closet. _Oh, the irony._  
  
“Sorry for intruding into your space,” Seokjin says with a smile. His handsome face is genuine enough, so Taehyung nods. He’ll need a bit more information before he approves this guy as boyfriend material for Jimin, but this is a nice start.  
  
“No problem. I’m actually not feeling too well, so-”  
  
“Nuh-uh,” Jimin scolds, his gaze turning harsh and condescending. “You think I’d let you get off that easy?” Taehyung gulps and turns his gaze to his hands. “Namjoon called and told me you tried to come to work. The fuck, Tae?!”  
  
Taehyung grimaces. He could try to explain, but that won’t get him anywhere. Maybe it’ll all be over faster and Jimin will leave him alone if he just accepts the scolding quietly for a little while?  
  
Apparently not, because that only seems to rile Jimin up more. “And where the fuck do you get off letting that asshole take you home?”  
  
“Jimin!” Taehyung yelps, his gaze inadvertently flickering to the closet. “You’re the one who gave him our dorm location…”  
  
“Yeah, but that’s because he messaged me saying you were trying to walk home in the freezing rain yesterday night. What the fuck is that about, Tae?”  
  
“B-but-”  
  
“But, what?” Jimin replies with a stone-cold voice. “Why are you defending him, huh?”  
  
“Jimin, you told me that maybe I should give him a chance-”  
  
“Yeah, well, I changed my mind,” Jimin interrupts, tilting his head upwards in a condescending manner. Jin looks absolutely lost in this, but Taehyung can see the wheels turning in his head as he tries to piece it together. “I realized that you deserve someone who doesn’t take two fucking years to realize how much of a shit he’s been.” Jimin’s tone turns warm again as he takes a seat on the bed and places a hand on Taehyung’s calf from above the covers. “You’ve been through so much, Tae. Have faith that someone who knows how to love you the right way will come along. Don’t ever let him convince you to settle.”  
  
Taehyung nods profusely. While he’s not convinced that Jimin is right – Taehyung doesn’t deserve anyone at _all_ , let alone a perfect man, and he’s also not convinced Jungkook wouldn’t treat him right – he’s still desperate to get Jimin out of there as soon as possible. The walls here are anything but thick and there’s no way Jungkook didn’t hear every single word, loud and clear.  
  
“Please let me sleep,” Taehyung breathes. Jimin smiles at him and gets up, but not before placing a chaste kiss on the top of Taehyung’s head.  
  
“Sorry, Tae,” he whispers. “Just checking in on you.”  
  
Jimin turns around with a wave and guides Seokjin out of the room. Seokjin shoots Taehyung a soft, almost sympathetic smile, and mouths ‘sorry’ before he leaves. Jimin shuts the door and Taehyung is left in silence.  
  
After a few seconds, he turns to the closet. “Jungkook, you’re good,” he says. The closet opens slowly and as Jungkook emerges, Taehyung’s heart sinks. The younger looks absolutely dejected. He’s the embodiment of how Taehyung feels whenever he looks in the mirror or when he thinks about his mom. Jungkook looks so ashamed and disappointed that Taehyung almost misses the way he kneels immediately by his shoes. He laces them up with shocking speed and stands to leave before Taehyung can gather his thoughts.  
  
“Kookie, wait,” Taehyung nearly yells.  
  
Jungkook turns to face him and only then does Taehyung notice the moisture collecting at his eyes. “I’m… I’m so sorry, Tae... so fucking sorry.”  
  
Taehyung lets himself gape at Jungkook for a moment before his brain kicks back in. “Jeon Jungkook, you promised Namjoon you’d take care of me today, so don’t you dare leave!”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Jungkook says again, like they’re the only words he has in his vocabulary. The raven turns to the door and places a hand on the knob.  
“Jungkook!” Taehyung shouts, laying his desperation barren before the younger. He doesn’t know why, but for some reason, it feels like if Jungkook leaves that door now, he’ll never see him again. “Please, Jungkook, please… don’t leave…”  
  
Jungkook turns again and smiles sadly. “I’ll be back later, I promise.” And with that, he slips out of the door and shuts it without another word.  
  
Taehyung prays with all his heart that it’s not a lie. 

  
  


By the time the sun has set, Taehyung knows that Jungkook was lying. He tried to give the younger the benefit of the doubt, but it just isn’t possible he’s coming back at this point. After the sweetest kiss Taehyung could have hoped for, the most affectionate attention he had ever received, Jungkook had been chased off by their past. If Taehyung could overlook it, why couldn’t Jungkook? The younger had looked so broken, and now Taehyung is broken all over again.  
  
Two years ago, Jungkook walked into his life slowly, like the sunset-stained tide riding up the sands of a beach. The moment it hit high tide, the waters had run red and Jungkook had dug himself with balled fists into Taehyung’s bruised heart. He hadn’t left no matter how many times Taehyung tried to push him out, cut him out. The scars on the tops of his thighs from his razor were proof enough. Then, Jungkook had come back in another wave, but this one was soft and deliberate. It didn’t sneak up on him; it was intentional and obvious. Taehyung had been given all the power – Jungkook was clearly interested in being back in Taehyung’s life in some way, and it was up to Taehyung to make the choice.  
  
But now, Jungkook has been ripped from him again. It’s like all those bruises on his heart and the scars on his thighs are opened again, bleeding fresh blood. He tried so hard not to, but now he’s crying in feverish sobs. He braces himself because he knows what will happen next. Whenever it comes to this, it always spirals down even further.  
  
Sure enough, within ten minutes, Taehyung is on his knees by his dresser and sliding open the bottom drawer. He pulls out the wooden jewelry box and, carefully, with shaking fingers, he opens the lid. The moment those shining gems meet his gaze, he falls to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. He fumbles blindly into the box and grabs what feels like a necklace. He doesn’t need to open his watery eyes to see which one it is. It’s the one with the small, silver pendant on the end. It’s a circular pendant with a gap in the middle in the shape of a hand.  
  
Taehyung’s mother had a small collection of jewelry. She rarely wore most of it, but she used to wear this necklace, as simple as the tiny hand-shaped engraving on it was, nearly every day. Taehyung can even remember the time when she had gotten it. She had lived in America for nearly 20 years after she studied abroad and had taught at a teacher there. That’s where she met Sooyoung, her best friend until death. Sooyoung had given the necklace to her as a present when she and Taehyung had visited. Taehyung had been five, but he remembers it so vividly. His mother’s smile – it’s the one thing Taehyung knows for sure he got from his mother: the way their mouths pull into that boxy shape when they really grin.  
  
And with that, he’s past the point of thought. All that’s left is an empty brain and a continuous stream of agonizing sobs.  
  
“Mom…” he gasps, his hands clutching for dear life at the pendant. Maybe, just maybe, if he holds the metal hand hard enough, his mom will feel the squeeze on her own palm, wherever she is. “I miss you so much…” Taehyung stands on shaky knees and moves to the door. He leans against it for a moment to flick the light off, and then he collapses onto his bed in the darkness. He can feel himself reaching the point where his body can no longer maintain the sobbing. The exhaustion will soon overtake him and he will welcome it with open arms, because he knows which stage will follow. He will finally get that release he needs.  
  
When the exhaustion hits him, Taehyung stumbles back over to the box and places the necklace inside. He carefully closes the lid and slides the drawer shut. Then, he moves to the bathroom. He doesn’t even bother shutting the door and opens the top drawer underneath the bathroom sink. He pushes aside the random items that conceal his forbidden goal. The moment his fingers curl around the razor’s grip, he feels his emotions stabilize just a little. He just needs a little more, the feeling of it, it’s itching at him and he needs the pain to make the far more horrible pain stop –  
  
The razor clatters to the ground and there are arms wrapping around his waist. He’s shaking and sobbing again and he doesn’t know what’s going on because his vision is too red and blurry to really see, but then he smells it. He’d recognize this smell anywhere. It’s Jungkook’s cologne, the one that his room always smelled like. Taehyung shuts his eyes tight and lets Jungkook guide him out of the bathroom and onto his bed. He processes it all in tiny bits – Jungkook stroking his hair in that now-familiar way; Jungkook holding his shivering figure tight; Jungkook whispering sweet comfort into his ear.  
  
It takes about half an hour for Taehyung to calm down. When his violent sobs have faded into gentle tears, Jungkook slowly unwraps his arms and pads into the bathroom. Taehyung hears the toilet flush and Jungkook returns with a wet towel, which he uses to wipe the drying salt of tears from Taehyung’s cheeks. Then, he kisses both cheeks and climbs back into bed.  
  
“Tae?” Jungkook whispers. Taehyung can only nod. “I want you to know, I flushed it.” Taehyung nods again. He knows what Jungkook did. It’s what any good friend would do. Taehyung doesn’t have any other razors, and he could go out and buy more, but he knows that it’ll at least deter him, if only for a while.  
  
Jungkook returns to soothing him, and Taehyung doesn’t necessarily _want_ to fall asleep; but with the strong, steady embrace and soft, soothing words that Jungkook is filling his eardrums with, how could he not?

  
  


When Taehyung wakes up, Jungkook is sitting at his desk with a paperback novel open in his lap. Taehyung is immediately cold, even under his covers, but he doesn’t want to bother Jungkook yet. Not when this is the perfect opportunity to spend a bit of time staring at the beauty of the man. He’s all strong, broad shoulders with strong thighs to match. And the way those thighs strain against the fabric of his pants when they’re pressed against the seat of Taehyung’s desk chair… it does funny things in Taehyung’s gut.  
  
Jungkook turns around abruptly and meets Taehyung’s gaze. The second he does he slams his book shut and practically leaps to his side, sliding under the covers and pulling Taehyung’s head into his chest.  
  
“Good morning,” Jungkook says, his voice raspy from being unused. Taehyung hums a reply and Jungkook chuckles softly. “Did you sleep OK?”  
  
Taehyung sighs before he answers. “About as well as I could after a day like that…”  
  
It’s silent for a moment and Taehyung starts to think that maybe he said something wrong. The thought is dead when Jungkook pulls him in tighter. “I’m so, so sorry, Tae,” he breathes. “I shouldn’t have left… you asked me not to, and I let _that_ happen…”  
  
“No, Kookie,” Taehyung says, and he doesn’t miss the way Jungkook’s cheeks flush just a tiny bit when he hears the nickname. “You shouldn’t feel so bad since you got here before… it happened, anyway. You… you’re the first person to ever get me to stop. One time…” Taehyung takes in a shuddered breath, but then decides it’s best if he tells someone. “Once, Jimin saw, but I locked him out before he could stop me, and… he didn’t forgive me for nearly a month.” Taehyung sighs sadly. Jungkook replies with a soothing rub on his back.  
  
“Thank God I came when I did, then.”  
  
Taehyung tries to frown up at Jungkook but his eyes are watering, so it comes out as more of a pout. “You won’t always be there in times like that, though-”  
  
“No,” Jungkook interrupts. “I _will_ be there. Every time.”  
  
After a few seconds of blank staring, Taehyung cracks up. He tries to contain the laughs but they break through anyway, and they’re tinged with more than a hint of sadness. “That’s so silly,” he breathes between chuckles. “You can’t just say something like that…” he trails off when he notices Jungkook’s hand hovering near his face. His pinky finger is sticking out.  
  
“I promise, TaeTae.”  
  
Maybe the naïve part of Taehyung’s heart has never died, because he wraps his own pinky around Jungkook’s and offers him a watery smile.

  
  


Taehyung isn’t sure how, but they’ve made it the entire night and morning without a single kiss. If Taehyung’s being honest, he _wants_ Jungkook to kiss him again, but he’s too afraid to initiate it himself. There’s still that lingering fear of rejection; that if he makes one wrong move, Jungkook will be gone for another two years, perhaps leaving him with a sore bruise on his arm.  
  
“Tae? You good?” Jungkook asks, looking up at him as he slides into a red, fake-leather booth near the end of the restaurant. They’re in Silverstreet Diner (not to be confused with the café of the same name - their college area is a little over-enthusiastic). The place is decorated like it’s been teleported straight from 1950’s America, complete with absurd, overtly-sexist posters of women slaving over ovens and men carrying home briefcases. The few waitresses lounging in the restaurant are dressed in red-and-white striped uniforms, but they sort of look like Halloween costumes, what with how revealing they are. Taehyung makes to sit opposite to Jungkook but the younger grabs his hand and pulls him into the booth next to him. Taehyung blushes when Jungkook wraps his right arm behind his waist in a secure hold.  
  
“Y-yeah,” Taehyung replies. He licks his lips, and he doesn’t miss the way Jungkook’s eyes dart to them immediately. Those deep orbs barely waver in their gaze. It’s as if Jungkook is studying his lips like they’re going to be on a final exam. “Kookie?” Taehyung begins, and now he’s stealing glances at Jungkook’s lips as well.  
  
“Yeah, Tae?” Jungkook whispers, his gaze now flickering between Taehyung’s eyes and mouth.  
  
Taehyung almost thinks he sees Jungkook moving in closer to his face, but then the raven pulls away and a waitress is smiling down at them. Taehyung grabs his glass of water and promptly drinks from it to conceal his embarrassment.  
  
“What can I get you two lovebirds this morning?” she asks with a tiny wink. Taehyung quite literally spits his water onto the table, causing the waitress and Jungkook alike to both snicker at him. Jungkook quickly dries the table off as he speaks.  
  
“We’ll have an order of blueberry pancakes with syrup and butter, and a breakfast omelet with hash browns, please,” he says casually, and the woman nods. She grabs the menus (one still quite wet with Taehyung’s spit) and gives them a quick smile before leaving. Taehyung groans and lets his hand fall into his hands. “What’s wrong, babe?” Jungkook asks. Taehyung lets out a defeated sigh, but then he jolts away from Jungkook, because-  
  
_“Babe?!”_  
  
Jungkook seems to flush a moment, but he quickly regains his composure. “What? The waitress thought we were a couple of lovebirds. I had to keep up the façade, after all.”  
  
“Oh…” Perhaps he’s distracted by Jungkook calling whatever they have going on a façade, but Taehyung almost falls for the excuse, what with the way Jungkook’s smiling so innocently at him. But the waitress was well out of earshot by the time Jungkook called him _that…_ “Yah, are you lying to me, you jerk?” Taehyung spits. Jungkook chuckles warmly and scoots over just a bit to cover some of the distance Taehyung’s jolting put between them. Still, the space between them leaves something inside Taehyung feeling unsatisfied. He sips on his water instead of entertaining the thought any longer.  
  
After a bit of only-slightly uncomfortable silence, their waitress returns. She places a heaping pile of pancakes and a tasty-looking omelet on the table. The food itself smells delicious and Taehyung’s stomach starts to growl. He starts to make that familiar mental space in his head where he can monitor how much he’s eating. _You need to watch your weight for the performance coming up,_ he reminds himself. _Out of six pancakes, you can have two… and a third of the omelet should be fine…_  
  
“Tae.” Jungkook’s voice rattles his brain a bit and he jolts out of his thoughts to find Jungkook’s arm snaking behind his back again. He leans into the touch despite himself. Perhaps he can use the excuse of pretending like they’re lovebirds to his advantage after all. “You there…?” Jungkook half-teases, but his face looks a little concerned.  
  
“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” Taehyung breathes. He turns his face towards Jungkook and suppresses a tingly shiver when Jungkook’s face is less than half a foot from his own, his handsome eyes full of that same concern as the day before. “I just… I guess I’m not too hungry, but it smells really good.”  
  
“You’re lying,” Jungkook says blatantly, as if he were observing a simple fact. Taehyung can’t help but stare at him with raised brows. “I heard your stomach growling, don’t give me that look.”  
  
Taehyung huffs and turns his head. “I have a stomach ache, if you must know,” he lies again.  
  
Jungkook turns his torso to face him this time and he leans in another inch, searching Taehyung’s eyes for something. “I don’t understand why you’re lying. You don’t have to tell me the real reason, but don’t lie to me, yeah?”  
  
“I…” Taehyung starts, preparing to defend himself again, but there’s no defense from that, not from Jungkook’s tender gaze and gentle touch. “Yeah, sorry,” he mumbles. “To be honest, there’s a performance coming up, so I shouldn’t eat too much.”  
  
Jungkook’s mouth drops just a fraction and he simply stares for a second. After a bit, his shuts his mouth and swallows. Taehyung can practically hear the gears turning and creaking in the raven’s head. Jungkook’s eyes slowly drift down Taehyung’s face and lower, until they’re examining his torso, his legs, and back up to his eyes again. Taehyung can’t help but turn away from the intensity of the gaze.  
  
“You know,” Jungkook says, his face still serious. “There’s a lot of stuff I want to say about that, but I get the feeling you wouldn’t believe me anyway.”  
  
“Wha… huh?” Taehyung stammers. He was fully expecting Jungkook to lecture him, just like Jimin always does, but Jungkook turns his head away and removes his arm from behind Taehyung’s back. He starts cutting the food into bite-sized portions and pops a piece of pancake in his mouth, not even bothering to give Taehyung a hint at the meaning behind his cryptic words. It’s not that Taehyung is desperate or anything, but he’s undeniably curious… so he finds himself speaking before he can think any better of it. “What did you mean? I mean, what did you want… to say?”  
  
Jungkook cocks an eyebrow at Taehyung, his head tilted to the side and his jaw frozen in mid-chew. He seems to be mulling it over, and then he gives a nonchalant shrug.  
  
“Just that you’re crazy if you think you need to lose weight,” he states.  
  
Taehyung scoffs. _And there’s the lecturing._ He’s long been tired of the lectures, of the people who tell him there’s nothing wrong with his body (mostly Jimin). It’s all so empty and meaningless, at least in his eyes. “Gee, thanks. It’s not like I’m doing it for anybody else, you know.”  
  
Much to his surprise, Jungkook hums in agreement and takes another bite. Then the raven lifts up a big fork-full of omelet to Taehyung's lips, and the older can't resist Jungkook feeding him. The silence is deafening as they chew and Taehyung is hanging onto it for dear life. He wonders if Jungkook knows just how desperate he’s suddenly feeling for a response.  
  
“Of course you’re not,” Jungkook finally says with yet another shrug. “It’s all in your head - not that it’s not valid, of course. You know better than anybody else in this whole world that I’ve got body issues, too." At that, Taehyung recalls Jungkook's rants in the mirror, about how _'fucking ripped he is,'_ which were often followed only a few hours later by rants about how he can't seem to gain those ten extra pounds of muscle. In fact, Jungkook was practically obsessed with his body. It screamed self-confidence issues. "I just wonder if you’d still think that stuff if… you could see what’s going on in my head.” He pauses for a second and Taehyung’s curiosity is only growing more unbearable. “Actually, that’s stupid. It probably wouldn’t change anything,” he decides with a shrug.  
  
“Try me,” Taehyung breathes, his eyes wide and bottom lip trembling ever so slightly. Jungkook turns to face him with a wicked glimmer in his eyes. He forces Taehyung to eat another huge bite, of sweet pancakes this time. Taehyung doesn't have the attention span to worry about how drenched in syrup the food is when he's so preoccupied by less-than-decent thoughts.  
  
“Promise I’ll tell you sometime… preferably when there isn’t a nosy waitress snooping on us from behind the counter,” Jungkook whispers teasingly. Taehyung’s face reddens immediately and he turns to see that, indeed, the woman is staring at them with a certain thrill in her eyes. He spins around and gapes, mortified, at Jungkook. The raven is simply chuckling and he ruffles Taehyung’s hair gently.  
  
Now it’s obvious that Jungkook is teasing him. Taehyung can’t help but doubt the raven’s intentions, especially after so long, especially when the scars on his heart still haven’t quite faded. It’s still all too possible that Jungkook is just playing with his heart again, but in a much more insidious way. Their closeness is so sudden, and, as much as he’d love for Jungkook to lick into his mouth right here, he needs confirmation that the boy really has changed first.  
  
“Kookie,” Taehyung pouts, not really sure what he wants to say, but feeling uncomfortable in the silence. “Quit fucking with me…”  
  
Jungkook hums and raises an eyebrow, faking deep thought. Then he shrugs. “No,” he says flippantly, “don’t feel like it.” Taehyung gasps and tries to shove Jungkook but the boy is still as strong as ever and he barely budges. Taehyung struggles for a grand total of a few seconds before giving up. He folds over the table and rests his chin in the crook of his elbow. Jungkook pokes his shoulder teasingly and hovers a forkful of omelet in front of his face. Taehyung scrunches his nose and pouts again. “You better eat, right this second, Tae,” Jungkook warns.  
  
“Or what?” Taehyung mutters, still pouting. He hopes that Jungkook thinks he’s just playing around – if he knew how moody Taehyung had become over a little teasing, he’d probably think he was even more of a freak.  
  
Jungkook grins at him innocently. “Or I’ll punch –”  
  
He cuts himself off immediately. Taehyung watches his expression shift from playful, to a sort of knowing, and then to horror. Meanwhile, Taehyung feels a distinct throbbing in his arm, and he scoots away slowly.  
  
“Fuck, I’m sorry, shit,” Jungkook breathes. He tries to scoot closer but Taehyung is already standing up from the booth, staring at Jungkook with wide eyes. Jungkook only gulps and lowers his head. “Tae, I’m so sorry. I fucked up.”  
  
“Yeah,” Taehyung sighs, wincing a little at how broken his own voice sounds. “You did.”  
  
Tears are never easy to hold back, but Taehyung barely manages to make it out the restaurant’s door before he breaks down. He makes sure to turn the corner into a small, secluded alleyway before he really lets himself sob, slipping to the hard ground and holding his throbbing arms.  
  
He knows the pain’s all in his head.  
  
It still hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you!! I hope you enjoyed the chapter.  
> Comments are greatly appreciated!! I love hearing how my writing sits with other people. It gives me inspiration <3


	4. Pray for Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I'm back with another update!  
> I'm so glad people are enjoying this story... it means so much to me, since it's basically a therapeutic thing for me to write to make sense of the craziness of life. 
> 
> Your comments keep me going, so please tell me how you feel about this chapter!! I love hearing all your predictions on whether Jungkook has changed so keep 'em coming!

When Taehyung gets home from the diner, he pauses at the top of his dorm building’s staircase to catch his breath. He wonders briefly if hanging out with Jungkook some kind of secret way to boost his immune system – ever since the morning rolled along, he hadn’t felt even a little bit feverish. Another wave of guilt washes over him for letting his emotions take control. Jungkook had been so sweet, but Taehyung let one little mistake ruin all the good the boy had done for him. And yet, it was still so ambiguous… perhaps Jimin had been right. Perhaps Jungkook isn’t good for him after all. Would his scars ever be healed enough? Would Jungkook ever let go of his old ways?  
  
_“Aish,”_ Taehyung mutters, rubbing his temples with tired fingers. _“Too much to deal with.”_ He shakes off the thoughts for now; he’d only overanalyze things too much if he kept dwelling on them.  
  
As he nears his door, Taehyung recognizes a soft voice from inside. It’s Jimin, and at first it sounds like he’s talking with somebody. Taehyung half-expects the asshole to have invited Seokjin into his room without permission, but no matter how long he waits, he doesn’t hear another voice. He moves to cup the doorknob, but then hesitates. He opts for eavesdropping instead – it’s his room, after all – and leans his ear against the door.  
  
“Tae…” he hears Jimin sob. His heart wrenches in his chest and he suddenly feels like he’s going to throw up. “Why, Tae…? Can’t you like me instead?”  
  
Taehyung’s head is spinning and his stomach is threatening to reject whatever few meager bites of breakfast he had before Jungkook scared him off. He rests his hand on the doorframe and tries to breathe deeply but it’s just too hard. He lets himself hunch over for a while, his head swimming too much to hear Jimin’s broken voice from inside his room, and manages to calm down enough to straighten up and open the door.  
  
He knew Jimin had been crying, but he didn’t quite expect to find him curled up in his bed, smothering his face in one of Taehyung’s pillows and quite literally _inhaling_ his scent. If it had been anyone else, Taehyung would have called the police. But this is Jimin. He looks so fragile curled up on Taehyung’s bed, and in this moment, Taehyung really does wish it could be Jimin he loved.  
  
Taehyung takes a deep breath, hoping it’ll be enough to alert Jimin of his presence, but it doesn’t work. He walks silently over to the bed and rests a hand on Jimin’s shoulder. The boy lets out a yelp and jolts up. The moment he locks eyes with Taehyung, he sniffles away the snot dripping from his nose and tries to wipe away his tears.  
  
“Oh, T-Tae,” he whispers, voice still clouded behind tears, heart-wrenchingly pathetic. “I’m sorry, I…”  
  
“Why did you never tell me, Minnie?” Taehyung breathes. He wants to wipe his best friend’s tears for him, but there’s suddenly an invisible shield between them. He’s too conscious of how terrifyingly exciting it feels when Jungkook pushes into his body space, so he refrains from doing the same to Jimin.  
  
“I don’t know… what…” Jimin stammers, his eyes darting around the room. His face is red and his features distorted with fear. Taehyung stays silent for a moment and hopes Jimin won’t make him explain, but Jimin clears his throat and speaks. “How was your, uh… date?” he asks.  
  
Taehyung looks at him with furrowed brows. “What do you mean?”  
  
“Don’t play dumb, Tae,” Jimin scolds, and his façade is already back. He’s Taehyung’s devoted best friend again, not the pathetic boy who buries his head in his crush’s pillows. “Jin texted me because he saw you and Jungkook in the diner below his apartment.”  
  
That’s right, Jin is in the picture. It dawns on Taehyung that Jimin is still talking to Jin while he’s madly in love. And yet, as much as Taehyung wants to scold him for doing it, he understands. A sick, twisted part of him wants to lie and tell Jimin he loves him too. Maybe he’d learn to, and he could finally get over Jungkook.  
  
Taehyung knows that Jimin isn’t in the right state to hear about somebody else’s problems, but the boy is looking at him like he’s desperate to hear it. Like he needs something to distract them both from the obvious tension that’s found its way between them. Taehyung tries in vain to gulp down the massive lump in his throat.  
  
“It was going so well,” Taehyung finally manages. “Last night, he found me on the floor… about to…” Taehyung trails off. He chances a glance at Jimin, but the boy’s just staring at the mattress with a heartbreaking look in his eyes. “He flushed it down the toilet, Minnie, it’s ok.”  
  
At that, Jimin seems to flinch a bit. “You let him flush it?” he asks, his voice unreadable.  
  
“I didn’t _want_ him to, but he didn’t ask me either.”  
  
“If I did that without asking, you’d…” Jimin trails off, and Taehyung is thankful he won’t have to address it.  
  
“He stayed with me overnight… h-he just kept me company! Nothing more, I mean,” Taehyung rushes. Jimin doesn’t seem phased in the least, so Taehyung continues. “This morning he took me to breakfast. He was being so… sweet? He kept trying to make me feel good about myself, you know?”  
  
Jimin’s gaze falls just a bit. “Yeah,” he says, his voice cracking like a teenager’s. “You deserve it, Tae.”  
  
Taehyung swallows again, his resistance slowly crumbling. He just wants to touch Jimin and make him feel safe. “But then, we were being flirty or whatever, and he accidently said he’d punch… well, he technically didn’t get a chance to finish that thought, but I _assume_ he meant me.”  
  
“Fuck, Tae,” Jimin breathes, finally meeting Taehyung’s gaze to examine his expression with worried eyes.  
  
“It’s fine, I’m… I’m fine, now, at least,” he responds. “At the time, though… it was like I could feel the punches again. My arms started throbbing. I feel like such an idiot, Minnie! It was so long ago, so why am I still letting it ruin my life?!”  
  
“Taehyung, you know that’s not how it works,” Jimin scolds. He moves his hand like he’s going to rub Taehyung’s knee, but he pulls it back and instead opts to bite at his nails. “What he did to you back then... it was so fucked up, Tae. Anybody would be affected by that.”  
  
“Yeah, but after two _years?”_  
  
Jimin takes a deep breath and meets Taehyung’s gaze. “TaeTae, listen up. I think that we both can agree you’re a sensitive person, yeah?” he asks. Taehyung only shrugs, and Jimin lets out a weak chuckle. “I’ll take that as a yes. Like I was saying – you being sensitive means you get upset about things more easily than other people do. You hang onto the way you feel for longer, and it hurts more. But it also means that you care so much more, you feel so much more. You think about other people more than you think about yourself, Tae; and that’s not just your best friends, it’s _everyone._ Remember when you spent like a week writing an apology letter to that girl who was hooking up with Jungkook at that party?”  
  
Taehyung shudders a bit at the memory, but he lets himself chuckle. “Yeah, jeez… that shit was intense to write.”  
  
“Exactly! You cared about how she felt so much that you slaved over that thing. And when she didn’t even bother to respond, you just shrugged it off. You’re so fucking understanding, Taehyung… being sensitive isn’t a bad thing, it’s just a part of who you are, and –” Jimin stops to take in a sharp breath. He turns his head meets Taehyung’s gaze, and this time, there’s a sort of resolve in it. “-And it’s one of the reasons I love you so much.”  
  
“Jimin…” Taehyung finally gives in. He wraps his arms around Jimin and feels the other’s shuddering sobs return. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”  
  
“What the hell was I supposed to say, Tae?” Jimin gasps. “’Oh, by the way, Taehyung, I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been in love with you for over a year. Sorry if this makes things awkward between us, it’s not like I’m your only trustworthy friend or anything… it’s not like you tell me at least once a week that you’d probably end up in a mental hospital without me…”  
  
“You were the one who said that, Jimin,” Taehyung remarks. Jimin slaps his back weakly and Taehyung giggles.  
  
“I’m so sorry, Tae,” Jimin breathes. “I wanted to ignore it… I tried to for so long.”  
  
“I’m sorry, too,” Taehyung replies. They’re both sobbing messes now, but it feels strangely like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. “I’ve had a feeling for a long time, but I was too afraid to say anything.”  
  
Jimin lets out a husky laugh at that and pulls away, staring fondly at Taehyung. “Am I that obvious?” he asks.  
  
“Yeah,” Taehyung laughs, finally allowing himself to wipe the tears from Jimin’s cheeks.  
  
A long moment of silence follows. Jimin’s face begins to shift from a bittersweet smile to a sort of regret, and Taehyung doesn’t like it at all.  
  
“This doesn’t change anything, Jiminie,” Taehyung says. Jimin looks up at him and that bittersweet smile is back.  
  
“I wish that were true,” Jimin says. “I’m really sorry, Tae.”  
  
“Please, don’t say that,” Taehyung breathes. He tries to reach out again but this time Jimin is backing away, lifting himself weakly off the bed. He smiles down at Taehyung again.  
  
“You’re still my best friend, Tae,” Jimin assures him. “You always will be. I just… I think I need some time away. I already told Jin that I’m dealing with my feelings for you. He said he’d be around to help me figure things out, so I’m going to try and spend time with him.”  
  
Taehyung purses his lips into a thin line. He’s trying not to imagine a life without Jimin, even temporarily. It’s too dark to dare picturing. “I understand,” he says anyway. “You’ve done so much for me, Minnie. It’s the least I can do.”  
  
Jimin smiles and strokes Taehyung’s hair for a moment. “Please, don’t try to contact me or anything – if you can avoid it, I mean. I just think I need time _really_ to myself.”  
  
Nodding his head, Taehyung shifts to lie down on the bed. “I’ll miss you,” he breathes. “A lot.”  
  
“I’ll miss you, too,” Jimin replies. And then he’s at the door, putting on his shoes and sweater. He smiles back at Taehyung for one last time. “I’ll ask Namjoon to check in on you every once in a while.”  
  
And then he’s gone, and Taehyung is left with a broken heart and a throbbing arm again – but this time, he really is all alone.

  
  


The following week goes by in the sort of hazy blur that feels unbearably slow, but also like a rush, disconnected from reality. Taehyung tries to find ways to ground himself, but he doesn’t have Jimin to play videogames with. Namjoon has forced him to cut back on shifts – ‘for your own health,’ he said – and when Taehyung tried to pull the ‘I need money!’ card, Namjoon convinced the week manager to give him a raise. Jimin has also convinced Hoseok to give Taehyung a month-long suspension from the dance team. As a result, Taehyung will miss this semester’s performances (which he honestly isn’t too upset about after all). Instead, he spends most of his time in bed pretending to do homework.  
  
It’s a new kind of experience for Taehyung. He’s never had so much free time in college. If anything, it makes him even less motivated to do his work, which is definitely not a good thing. Four of his five professors have reached out to him within the first five days, asking him where he’d been (skipping class to stay in bed) and if he’s ok (no). He considers lying to them, but figures it’d be a waste of everyone’s time, so he tells them the truth: he’s depressed as fuck, and he will try to keep up, but he hopes they will understand. So far, every one of them has been kind enough. And for some fucked-up reason, it only makes him feel guiltier.  
  
Jungkook hasn’t texted him since their breakfast at the diner. He also hasn’t been at the coffee shop during the four hours Taehyung’s worked so far. It’s hard keeping rational without Jimin to ground him, and even harder when he has hours a day of lying in bed to overanalyze Jungkook’s behavior.  
  
It’s that Sunday, one week after Jungkook chased him off, when Taehyung finds himself going through orders at the café at the most sluggish pace he’s ever had. Namjoon would never yell at him, not when Jimin clued him in on how shitty Taehyung is doing, so instead, the older spends most of his time helping Taehyung behind the counter. As Sundays usually operate, the customers come in waves, and when the biggest wave of the morning is finally up, Taehyung slouches against the back counter and plays with his fingers.  
  
He thinks about Jungkook a lot, probably a bit too much. Every time the café door opens and that little bell dings, he looks up hoping – praying, even – that it’s Jungkook, coming to say he’s sorry. Taehyung doesn’t even want another apology. He just wants Jungkook to move on and show him that he wasn’t just in it for a heated kiss and a little teasing.  
  
The bell rings and, just as always, Taehyung looks up hoping for a bunny-toothed grin to meet his gaze. He’s a little surprised when he finds Sooyoung instead, smiling softly at him and approaching the counter tentatively. He doesn’t make her signature order this time, and instead waits. _Perhaps life's gotten shitty enough that I should take her up on her offer, after all._  
  
“Good morning, Taehyung-ssi,” Sooyoung says happily, although it’s not quite her usual Sunday morning chirp.  
  
“Morning, Sooyoung-ssi,” he replies. “The normal order, I take it?”  
  
“Yes, please.” Sooyoung pulls out the typical five dollars extra and plops it into the jar.  
  
Taehyung gets the coffee machine going and walks back to the counter. “How have you been, friend?” he asks. Sooyoung’s head practically flies up to meet his gaze, and she looks absolutely shocked. _Wow,_ he thinks, _am I really that bad a person that being nice is shocking?_  
  
“Good, actually,” Sooyoung replies, and Taehyung can sense her chirp is coming back full-force. “Today’s service at church is supposed to be about love, so I’m looking forward to hearing all the latest gossip.” She leans in close and gives Taehyung a silly wink. “May not be the most holy of pleasures, but I’m not hurting anybody, right?”  
  
It’s impossible to stop the giggle from escaping Taehyung’s lips. He can’t even remember the last time he’s been in this stage with someone – growing from acquaintances to friends – and Sooyoung is quite funny, too. On a whim, he decides to do something other than vegging out today. “That sounds nice, actually,” Taehyung says. Sooyoung’s eyes widen again. “Would it be the right day to –”  
  
“Absolutely!!” she nearly shouts, rattling Taehyung a little more than he’d like to admit. “I’d love to have you join me, really! When are you off work?”  
  
“Technically I was off work ten minutes ago,” Taehyung admits, rubbing his neck bashfully. “Yoongi isn’t here yet, so I decided to stay a bit longer, but I’m free to go whenever.”  
  
Sooyoung grins, and Taehyung decides it’s about time he made some new friends after all.

  
  


St. Thomas’s Church is beautiful, to say the least. The windows are all stained-glass, decorated with intricate depictions of biblical scenes. Taehyung has to admit, he’s always been fond of how glorious places of worship seem to be. It fascinates him that people would spend so much money on something as superficial as this kind of beauty, but there’s also impressive artistry there.  
  
Sooyoung wraps a gentle hand around his forearm and leads him to the back-post pew, where they sit next to a stern-looking family. She leans in to whisper in his ear, tickling him a little as she does. It’s only then that Taehyung truly accepts how miserable being isolated has made him.  
  
“I promise this will be over soon,” she whispers, and Taehyung nods pliantly. She grins and hands him a piece of paper in the small paper holder in front of them, then draws out a tic-tac-toe board on it. Taehyung can’t help but chuckle, and he receives a stern look from the adjacent parents in return.  
  
After learning about five new games that can be played on the back of a church pamphlet, the service ends, and Sooyoung turns to him.  
  
“The discussion is about to start, so I’ll move to the front. If you want to join, you’re welcome to, but people may be a little nosy.”  
  
Taehyung nods and shoots her a regretful smile. “I think I’ll hang back today, just to see how it all feels.” Sooyoung nods in understanding and moves to the front.  
  
Surprisingly enough, only a few families leave after the service. Most people stay, and even more people enter the church, filing in the front-most seats. Sooyoung abruptly stands and turns to face everyone from her seat, clapping his hands daintily. Just as she does, a man rushes down the aisle, and –  
  
Taehyung has to forcibly cover his mouth to keep from gasping, because that was Jungkook, and there’s no doubt about it. He watches the boy sit in the third row from the top, and Sooyoung and he exchange waves. _They know each other?!_ Sooyoung clears her throat and silence ensues, leaving Taehyung with chills down his back.  
  
“Hello, everyone!” she chirps, an excited grin gracing her lips. “I’m Sooyoung, if you don’t know me already.” A few laughs ensue in the crowd, as if not knowing Sooyoung would be a joke. “Today, our topic is none other than _love._ That’s right, friends! Today is the day to discuss everything. Remember, of course, that we’re in the holy place of the Lord, so nothing inappropriate – but also remember that if you lie or hide the truth, the Lord will know!” She waves her hands exaggeratedly as she speaks, and a number of churchgoers let out mock-scandalized gasps and giggles. Watching Sooyoung speak is like watching a talk show host, and it’s a whole level more entertaining than watching T.V. in his bed.  
  
Taehyung risks a glance towards Jungkook and notices the boy is sitting awkwardly, with his head bent forwards and fingers fidgeting. As he stares at Jungkook, consumed in trying to read the boy’s body language, he almost misses how the conversation has already begun between the people sitting among the pews.  
  
“…and so,” one woman continues, her chubby arms waving in frustration as she speaks, “I told him that if I could get my mom to accept me marrying a Jew like him, he should be able to get his Grandmother to do the same for a Christian girl like me!”  
  
Supportive words and chuckles ensue, and the woman grins proudly in the response. Taehyung can’t help but notice how Jungkook opens his mouth as if he’s going to speak next, but then closes it, a blush creeping up his cheeks. This doesn’t seem like the old Jungkook in the least, and it reminds Taehyung of how the younger treated him when he was sick. How he _fucking pinky promised my boss to take care of me._  
  
“…but isn’t this a very common theme in love?” Sooyoung asks, raising an eyebrow as she looks through the crowd. She’s sitting on her knees, turned around so she can face the crowd behind her, a wicked smirk on her face. “We fall in love, but then there’s something in the way. Like something… forbidden.” As she speaks, her voice turns dark, tinged with that animated quality only present in storytelling. “How about we keep this conversation going on this track? Does anybody have an issue related to this?”  
  
Taehyung giggles despite himself, hoping nobody up front will hear, because it’s so obvious that Sooyoung is just looking for juicy gossip. And yet, it’s clearly working, because he hears a deep voice clearing its throat. He nearly falls out of his seat when he realizes it’s Jungkook standing up. Taehyung’s too stunned to even consider what Jungkook may be about to say.  
  
“There’s a person I’m… uh… in love with,” he says, his voice barely audible over the tiny murmurs of _how handsome that boy is!_ “The problem is, h-they, uh, she! A-anyway, I didn’t treat her that well. Like, very badly. Back when I was going through some difficult times.” He pauses to take a breath and Taehyung takes one with him, staring at the back of Jungkook’s head like it’ll let him into his brain somehow. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that Jungkook isn’t talking about a girl right now. Also, _‘am in love with?!’ As in, currently?!_  
  
“I see,” Sooyoung says, nodding slowly. She motions for Jungkook to continue and he takes in a shuddered breath.  
  
“The thing is, I accidently said this thing to hi- her, um, I said something bad to her last week. She hasn’t contacted me since, and I haven’t contacted her, because I know that h-she deserves a real, genuine apology.” Murmurs of praise and agreement ensue, and Taehyung’s lips twist into a grin as he processes Jungkook’s words. In a place like this, with Jungkook looking as genuinely stressed as he does, it’s becoming more clear that he’s changed. That fact alone is more than enough to make Taehyung’s entire being smile.  
  
“Good for you!” the heavy woman from earlier says. “If this young lady is as kind as a boy like you deserves, I’m sure she’ll come around.”  
  
“Yeah, why don’t you apologize?” a man questions in an airy voice.  
  
_“Yeah, why not?”_ Taehyung can’t help breathing to himself.  
  
“The thing is, I’ve been so busy and stressed out that I haven’t had time to yet.”  
  
“Jungkook,” Sooyoung says, her voice growing more stern than Taehyung has ever heard it. “Is this person somebody that’s worth the effort?”  
  
Jungkook stammers, wringing his hands as his eyes go comically wide. “I… of course! I just, I hurt th-them so much before, so what if I don’t deserve them? I mean, I really fuc- m-messed up. Just one mention of it made them look like I punched them. I don’t know if I’m right for them anymore.” Taehyung’s eyes are just as wide as Jungkook’s and his heart is thumping hard in his chest. What he’s doing – eavesdropping so blatantly on Jungkook’s personal thoughts – is not the right thing to do. Plus, it’s practically giving him heart palpitations thinking about Jungkook still being in love with him. He stands slowly, as cautiously as possible, and backs out before Jungkook will notice.  
  
“If they’re worth fighting for, you had better make the time to do it,” he hears Sooyoung say as the door slips shut behind him.  
  
On his way home, Taehyung decides to wait everything out. He has to learn to trust Jungkook - so for now, he’ll put his faith in the beautiful boy with a bunny-toothed smile.


	5. Meditate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!! Wow, this story is getting long! I'm trying my best to keep up with it; I wrote another like 40,000 words or something, but it veered off the plotline majorly and I need to have an intervention somewhere around word 38,000, so when things get there I'll probably slow down my updates. For now, enjoy some adorable moments <3  
> Also, thank you all so much for your comments!!!They make my day and I'm so proud of how this story is turning out. The response I'm getting has already surpassed my expectations by so much, so thank you <3 <3 <3

Waiting turns out to be harder than it original seemed. By five days later, on the second Friday he’s been alone, Taehyung starts feeling a bit too shitty. He’s taken up the habit of biting the skin around his fingers, a step further from biting at his nails. It’s gotten so bad that they bleed quite frequently. The skin itself is starting to change texture – it’s getting rough and almost leathery, and every time it tries to heal, he rips off the new skin.  
  
It’s fucked up, just like him.  
  
Taehyung still hasn’t gone to most of his classes this week, but he’s started looking for other things to make him happy. He grabbed coffee with Sooyoung on Tuesday, and he snuck into his dance group’s dress rehearsal Wednesday night just to check in on things. So, that Friday afternoon, he busies himself by going to a meditation class he saw an email notice about. He walks through the brisk, early-spring streets with an oversized hoodie and baggy pants. Taehyung has always loved baggy clothes. They make him feel less exposed. It’s maybe a bit too much clothing, since the weather isn’t that cold today, but he feels more comfortable overall.  
  
The meditation class is in the athletics building, so Taehyung is immediately terrified. He’s learned to fear male athletes and there’s bound to be a lot of those. The worst-case scenario, of course, is that he runs into Jungkook. But that would be an absurd coincidence.  
  
He walks up to the building’s glass sliding doors and steps inside. There’s a girl at the receptionist desk. She smiles up at him, and he shifts his weight between his feet, too shy to speak first.  
  
“Can I help you?” she asks as her face twists into a knowing smirk. _I suppose I really do stick out like a sore thumb here. Or a bloody thumb._ He takes a moment to glance down at the ripped skin of his fingers.  
  
Taehyung swallows hard and nods. “Can you please tell me where the meditation class is?”  
  
“Oh, sure,” The girl says with a more genuine smile. She points up to the staircase behind her desk. “It’s room 218. You want to walk up the stairs behind me and make a left, then go down to the last door.”  
  
“218, right?” Taehyung asks as he begins to walk towards the stairs.  
  
“Yep!” she chirps. “I hope it goes well!”  
  
Taehyung flashes her a fleeting smile. “Me, too.”  
  
When Taehyung reaches the door, he takes a deep breath. _This is going to help, Taehyung,_ he reminds himself. He slowly turns the handle and pushes the door open. He’s met with a much smaller crowd than he had expected, only six other people. Five of them are sitting cross-legged on mats, probably students, and one, the instructor, is standing in the front of the room. She smiles at him and ushers him in, pointing to a pile of mats in the corner.  
  
“Welcome! It’s great to see a new face!” she calls out, and Taehyung feels like he recognizes that voice from somewhere. “You can go ahead and take a seat.”  
  
Taehyung grabs a hot pink mat from the top of the pile because he’s feeling surprisingly comfortable here. The other kids are clearly not athletes, and they’re all nice-looking girls, so he doesn’t have to worry about scary, homophobic men, at least. _Avoided toxic masculinity, check!_  
  
The instructor tells them to take a few moments to find a comfortable seated position. As they do, she approaches Taehyung and leans down to give them some privacy as she speaks.  
  
“Hey, would you be willing to introduce yourself? If not, that’s totally fine,” she whispers. Taehyung can’t get over how familiar that voice is, the kind of familiar where it’s reminding you of someone so distinctly. It’s out of character to agree with a request so exposing, but he nods at her.  
  
“Sure,” he whispers back.  
  
“Great!” she exclaims, a little louder this time. She heads back to the front of the room. “Before we get started, let’s go ahead and do some introductions. I’m Mrs. Kim, but you can just call me Taeyeon. I’m the instructor of this class. I also coach ultimate frisby for the college, but mindfulness is my real passion. Don’t tell anybody in athletics that, though!” she giggles. Taehyung giggles along with her. “Let’s go ahead and do names, class years, and a little about what you hope to get out of this class.”  
  
Taeyeon points to one of the girls in the front, and they all go around introducing themselves. Most people want to relax from all their school work. It finally comes to Taehyung, and he takes in a deep breath.  
  
“I’m Taehyung,” he says. “I’m a junior and I guess I just need something to keep me out of bed?”  
  
The girls in the class nod along with him, and a few of them offer sweet smiles. Taehyung feels unusually bubbly. _This is the part where something bad happens,_ he thinks. _Nothing is supposed to be this pleasant._  
  
“Let’s go ahead and start,” Taeyeon says, and there’s that itch again. Her voice is so eerily familiar and it’s making his heart clench a little. And yet, it still makes him feel at ease. “If you’re comfortable, close your eyes and start to be aware of your breathing. Try to feel the way your breath moves. Can you visualize your windpipes? The way your lungs are expanding and contracting? Focus on the sensations, how cold the air feels when you breathe in through your nose.”  
  
Taehyung doesn’t know what’s supposed to happen, but he can’t keep the thoughts out of his head. He keeps thinking about Jungkook and Jimin and class and work and dance and it’s almost stressing him out more, because now he’s hyperaware of what he’s _not_ supposed to be thinking about.  
  
“If you find yourself thinking about other things, don’t hold it against yourself,” Taeyeon says, right on cue, her voice cutting through the cloud of thoughts like a beacon. “Picture tying that thought to a balloon and just letting it go, watching it fly up into the air.”  
  
At first, it’s difficult – very difficult. Taehyung imagines tying Jungkook’s remorseful face to a string and letting it drift to the sky, but then he’s caught somewhere between a laugh and a wince at the thought. It takes him quite a while, so he imagines doing it with the other thoughts that are plaguing him first. After what must be around ten minutes, Taehyung starts to get the hang of it; but then suddenly, Taeyeon is standing up.  
  
“All right, class, good job!” she chirps. “We will meet again next Sunday – note the change of day. Thank you all for coming!”  
  
Taehyung stands up slowly, feeling a bit dizzy. He can’t believe that the hour has already passed – he could have sworn it was less than thirty minutes. After rolling up his matt and putting it in the corner, he makes to leave the room, but Taeyeon catches his arm just before he does. She pulls him aside to let the rest of class leave.  
  
“You did a good job for your first time,” she says. “I don’t think I saw you open your eyes even once.”  
  
“Oh, thanks,” Taehyung chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. “It was actually really nice. I guess I didn’t know what to expect, but I enjoyed it, so thank you.”  
  
“You’re very welcome, Taehyung,” she grins, her voice so sweet and almost maternal. “You’ll come back next week?”  
  
And that’s when it hits him. Taeyeon’s voice… it sounds almost exactly like how his mother’s voice did.  
  
“Y-yeah,” he yelps, and then he bolts from that room like it’s filled with flames. He doesn’t stop until he’s out the athletic building’s front doors, and even then, he speed-walks back home as fast as his shaky legs will take him. He throws the door open to his dorm room and sobs into his pillow. Unable to find release through a fresh wound on his thigh, he opts instead for picking the flesh from his fingers until small traces of crimson stain his sheets. There, he lets himself fall asleep to the memories of his mother’s voice. 

  
  


Taehyung finds himself in a club with Sooyoung and Jimin. Things are hazy, and it’s a kind of strange awareness that makes Taehyung think maybe it’s not real. Then again, that may just be the three shots of vodka he’s had in the past twenty minutes. It's hard to tell.  
  
Taehyung giggles profusely as Jimin gives Sooyoung an erotic lap dance and downs the fourth shot. He finds his slightly-hazy mind already succumbing to the throbbing beat of the music, calling his hips to sway ever-so-slightly. Sooyoung tugs him and Jimin a few steps away from the bar and they dance there, albeit a bit awkwardly, for a few moments. Sooyoung promptly walks back to the bar and brings over a final shot for each of them, which they all down after shouting, ‘cheers to friendship.’ _That’s your limit, buddy,_ Taehyung thinks. He’s already eyeing the crowd, observing the gorgeous men all around him, wondering if anyone besides Jimin will stare at his lips like they’re hungry for him tonight.  
  
Something flashes in the corner of Taehyung’s eyes. It’s a head of black hair, tinged a slight purple, and his stomach immediately does a sort of somersault, but then the image is gone. He writes it off as a drunken hallucination due to his intense desire for Jungkook to kiss him. Sooyoung snaps him out of his daze, tapping incessantly on his shoulder, and he turns to her. She winks at him and drags him further into the dance floor. There, they sway their hips together, and Taehyung even feels goofy enough to spin around and let Sooyoung grind against him in the most absurd way possible. Jimin hoots and hollers at them and Taehyung suddenly finds himself wondering when his best friend started hanging out with him again. In fact, he doesn’t even remember talking to Jimin once… but then Sooyoung pulls away and shoots him a wink, and his attention span is even worse than normal when he’s drunk.  
  
_“He’s cute,”_ she mouths to him, and Taehyung doesn’t have time to consider what that meant before a pair of hands are circling around his waist and a chest is being pressed flush against his back. As much as he hates to admit it, the touch is exactly what he needs – his hips sway immediately as he feels a pelvis push against his ass.  
  
There’s a strangely chilly breath fanning down his neck and it smells a bit too much like alcohol, but Taehyung couldn’t care less – not when he swears he could feel a hard-on pressing against his tight jeans. “What’s your name, cutie?” comes a gruff voice. For some reason, the tone leaves something to be desired. _It’s not Jungkook,_ Taehyung realizes, _but it can’t hurt to at least try._ Taehyung throws his head back and finally meets the stranger’s eyes, shining dark with an evil sort of lust. It makes his cock twitch just a bit, but his brain is screaming at him to stop. _This isn’t what you want._ He listens to his brain after a bit of inner conflict and tries to pull away, but the man tugs him back in. “What’s wrong, hun? Don’t want me tonight?”  
  
“I- n-not really,” Taehyung mutters. The man gives him an annoyed frown as Taehyung tries to pull away again and tugs him back into his chest. Taehyung’s heart is beating too fast in his ears, his blood rushing furiously through his veins, and yet, his mind is blank, leaving only a growing sense of helplessness. He turns to where Sooyoung and Jimin had just been, but they’re gone now, replaced by a line of strangers, forming a wall of broad-shouldered backs closing him in. _Nobody can see you,_ he realizes. _They abandoned you._ s  
  
“You’re alone,” the man behind him whispers, and hot, panicked tears are stinging at his eyelids. Taehyung tries desperately to think back to the self-defense he’s been taught, but he can’t fight back. He thinks it's probably the alcohol, but then there's a sudden awareness that he's not drunk at all. In fact, he he's never felt more horribly sober. He still can't move, though, as if his entire body has been paralyzed. The man grabs Taehyung’s hips and pulls him back against his crotch and Taehyung can’t help the tragic, sobbing whimper that escapes his lips. He feels a slimy tongue against the skin of his neck and instead of burning, it feels like venomous ice, freezing to the touch as if the man behind him is dead.  
  
Then it all happens in a blur. One second, the man is grazing the crook of Taehyung’s neck with his teeth, and the next, he’s on the floor. There’s another guy on top of him, wearing a light-washed jean jacket and tight, black-leather pants. Taehyung immediately notices the toned thighs threatening to rip straight out of the material – and then the hair: jet-black with a purple tinge.  
  
Jungkook delivers a devastating punch to the creep’s face, and Taehyung gasps when he sees the guy’s face. He doesn’t quite look human anymore. He’s wearing an expression somewhere between a look of agony and a sinister grin. It’s almost like he’s missing something in his eyes, as if they’re almost entirely black. The man’s now-crooked nose is bleeding profusely and he’s letting out a rattling groan in his pain. He slowly stands up and scurries away, leaving Jungkook half-kneeling on the floor, looking like a fucking superhero in his tight pants. Jungkook shouts a final threat at the creep, but Taehyung can’t hear it over the too-familiar heat suddenly building in his gut.  
  
Taehyung is sure he’s never been so attracted to anyone in his life.  
  
Jungkook leaps off the ground and grabs Taehyung by the hand, pulling him to the corner where the bathrooms are. The moment there’s even a lick of available wall space, Jungkook pushes him against the wall and leans in nice and close. Taehyung’s gut nearly explodes, and he immediately parts his lips, letting his tongue drift out slightly in a silent plea for Jungkook to kiss him.  
  
“Taehyung,” Jungkook says instead, his voice low and dangerous, “what the hell are you doing here? Don’t you know how dangerous night time is? All sorts of evil creatures come out at night.”  
  
“Jimin and Sooyoung brought me,” Taehyung breathes back, his gaze now entirely focused on Jungkook’s plush, red lips.  
  
“I know that!” Jungkook groans. He looks like he’s actively trying not to look at Taehyung’s mouth, but it’s all for naught, because then Taehyung pouts and Jungkook stares, wide-eyed, at his lips. “T-Taehyung, why…”  
  
“I wanted to have fun,” Taehyung explains, still sticking out his lower lip. “You left me alone for so long, Kookie.”  
  
Jungkook leans in closer, his lips so terribly close to Taehyung’s, and then he tucks his nose into the crook of Taehyung’s neck. His teeth brush up against the same spot that the stranger’s tongue violated, and the difference is like night and day. This time, it’s like Taehyung’s entire body has been electrocuted. All the discomfort of earlier is magically gone, erased by Jungkook’s beautifully warm breath. Taehyung shivers incessantly as Jungkook inhales a deep breath through his nose.  
  
“You smell so good, TaeTae,” Jungkook breathes, and Taehyung nearly gasps out loud. The raven pulls away, staring at Taehyung with an incredibly dark gaze, his pupils wide and deep as black oceans. “And you look so fucking hot, too.”  
  
“J-Jungkook,” Taehyung stammers, desperate for Jungkook to just kiss him, or _anything,_ really.  
  
“You know how it made me feel when I saw that guy hanging on you?” Jungkook whispers. Even over the loud, throbbing music, Taehyung can hear him perfectly. Taehyung shakes his head, twisting his lips into a pout again, and Jungkook’s gaze immediately returns to the action. “Made me fucking furious,” the raven growls. “Nobody else gets to touch you like that.”  
  
“Oh God, Kook,” Taehyung gasps, reaching to curl his fingers into Jungkook’s shirt, tugging him in. Jungkook allows it for just a bit, until his lips are barely grazing against Taehyung’s, and then he lets out a hot breath. Taehyung has to will his inebriated body from giving out on him.  
  
The music is gone now, and there’s only him and Jungkook – nobody else in sight, the entire room void of any other life. It’s just them, and Taehyung has never been more satisfied. “I want you so badly,” Jungkook murmurs. “Want to fucking wreck you, baby.”  
  
Taehyung can’t help the loud, whiney moan that slips from his throat at that. “Please, K-Kookie,” he gasps, “please take me.”  
  
Jungkook doesn’t waste a second. He tangles his fingers into Taehyung’s hair with a rough, firm grip and pushes the other hand behind Taehyung, slipping them underneath his tight jeans and kneading the flesh of his ass. The raven surges forward with a feral groan and their lips collide. Teeth clash and tongues dance and Taehyung is getting more and more dizzy, as if the entire room is slipping out from under him, leaving him floating in Jungkook’s sinful grasp. Jungkook’s hand is sliding around Taehyung’s hip, still under his pants, and it doesn’t take a genius to know where he’s headed. Taehyung breaks the kiss to roll his head back in anticipation – the warm touch is so close to his crotch – 

  
  


Taehyung wakes with a jolt. Jeon Jungkook isn’t here, and this isn’t a nightclub at all. His brain aches and his chest fucking hurts, like something’s been ripped from him. He’s not sure if he’s ever wanted Jungkook to hold him more than now, to tell him everything will be ok. He notices that there’s a throbbing erection between his legs, demanding his attention, but he can’t resolve the feeling of arousal with the tears streaming down his face.  
  
_Would Jungkook really save me like that?_ Taehyung takes in a shaky breath and clutches the sheets pooling at his waist. He glances at the alarm clock. The number 3:45 is blaring back at him in an unforgiving red. _Jesus, have I really been asleep for nearly twelve hours?_  
  
The tears fade slowly, but the arousal is more stubborn. It would be easy to do it now, at least, with the image of Jungkook caging him against the wall still fresh in his mind. Taehyung shudders out a sigh as he wraps his long fingers around his cock. He hasn’t done this in too long – his sex drive had taken a serious hit with the most recent bout of depression – so it’s instantly gratifying. Just the heat of his own hands is enough to make a shallow wave of pleasure pulse through his veins.  
  
He imagines where his dream would have gone if not for the rude awakening. Would they have found somewhere more quiet? Or would Jungkook have taken him right there, against the wall of a crowded club, grinding each other to orgasm through their sweaty clothes? Just the thought of Jungkook’s strength and confidence brings Taehyung shamelessly close to the edge. He recalls the adorable Jungkook he had witnessed in church, confessing his forbidden love, flustered beyond anything Taehyung has ever seen from him before. Jungkook _loves_ him. _He loves me. He must want me, then, right?_  
  
Taehyung doesn’t see stars when he comes, and the moment is marked only with a shuddered sigh through slightly chapped lips. After the short burst of pleasure it provides, he’s left stroking himself absently with a sort of aching in his heart.  
  
That’s when Taehyung knows he’s had enough. He grabs his phone on the nightstand with his clean hand and doesn’t let himself think twice.  
  
_**To: Kookie:** When will I see you again?_  
  
Taehyung swallows hard as he rereads the message over and over again, hoping against all odds for the small bubble indicating Jungkook is replying to pop up on the screen. On his third time rereading the message, a small notification pops on the bottom corner: _Seen, 3:57._  
  
Jungkook read it. He saw the message. Taehyung’s heart is thumping in his chest and he stares wide-eyed at the phone, but the tiny chat bubble never comes. He watches with a sinking heart as Jungkook’s messenger goes offline. The sheets make a rustling sound when he drops his phone onto them and covers both his eyes with his clean hand. _Why can’t he just reply to me? Am I that much of a burden on him?_ He glances at the clock and forces himself to relax a little through deep breaths. _I suppose it is early… I probably woke him up. Maybe he’s just too tired to respond._  
  
Going back to sleep would be an effort in vain at this point. Twelve hours has been more than enough rest, especially considering how little Taehyung has exerted himself over the past few weeks. He opts instead for checking his email (after checking his text messages a few desperate times) and sees that Namjoon has requested him to sub for Yoongi today, since nobody else has offered to take the shift. Taehyung gladly agrees and takes his time in getting ready – after all, he has nearly three hours before he has to be at the café. He spends the too-early morning watching anime and YouTube. Jungkook’s caring voice echoes in his head, _‘you have to eat, Tae,’_ so he even decides to eat some yogurt for breakfast.  
  
When he gets to the café, he sets up the store in his normal routine. Taehyung takes pride in his efficiency, but today is a different level. He gets everything done in record time and ends up leaning against the counter for twenty minutes before opening time. He pulls out his phone by instinct. Still no reply from a gorgeous boy with eyes like the night sky, unfortunately, so he lets out a frustrated puff of air. Taehyung almost texts Jimin for a moment, but then he remembers. _I wonder how Minnie's doing after all this time._  
  
Taehyung puts his phone away hastily when Namjoon comes out to see him.  
  
“Morning, Taehyung,” he says with a smile. Namjoon’s a good-looking man, with a smile that’s wise and comforting. He’s not somebody Taehyung has ever really considered getting to know better, but maybe Sooyoung isn’t the only friend he should have. Taehyung smiles back at him, but doesn’t get a chance to start a conversation, because Namjoon speaks again, placing a hand on Taehyung’s shoulder. “Sorry about asking you to come in… although I guess you were happy about it, considering how hard you begged me to let you work more this week.”  
  
“Yeah, I’m really glad for it. Thank you, Joonie.”  
  
“No problem, Tae,” Namjoon says with an easy smile. “Saturday mornings are kind of busy, just so you know. I’ll open in a few.”  
  
“Gotcha!” Taehyung chirps, happy to be back in his work element and with the potential of a better friendship. “No worries, boss-man. I can handle it!” 

  
  


After three hours of long lines and petty customers, Taehyung starts to realize why Namjoon thinks Saturday mornings are hard. On Sundays, the church crowds come in, but they come in short, concentrated waves. Saturdays are constantly busy, it seems, and the line hasn’t been fewer than three people in over an hour.  
  
Taehyung finally manages to finish off the line for a bit around lunch time, so he pulls out his phone with a heavy sigh. His eyes nearly pop out of his head when he sees the home screen.  
  
_**From: Kookie:** Busy day?_  
  
Taehyung gasps embarrassingly loud and scans the store. He gapes at Jungkook’s broad back, sat facing the opposite direction at his usual spot, typing away on his laptop. Taehyung blinks a few times to make sure it’s real. When he’s sure, he texts him back as quickly as possible.  
  
_**To: Kookie:** Yeah, not used to this shift._  
  
_**From: Kookie:** Really? Couldn’t tell, of course._  
  
Taehyung’s not sure if he’s being sarcastic, but either way, knowing that Jungkook has been watching him for at least some time makes him unreasonably giddy. With a skip in his step, he turns around and whips up Jungkook’s signature drink.  
  
_**To: Kookie:** Medium vanilla latte with soy!_  
  
Jungkook whips around and Taehyung meets his gaze with a smirk. The raven smiles gently and stands up before walking over. Taehyung notices he’s a bit more clumsy in his approach than usual. When he reaches the counter, Taehyung can see that Jungkook looks different. He’s got huge bags under his eyes and his hair is messier than usual. He’s also holding his body in a lethargic manner. Taehyung immediately recognizes this as case of sleep deprivation.  
  
“Hey,” Jungkook says, his smile surprisingly timid. _So cute!_  
  
Taehyung smiles back at him. “Hey, Kookie.” Jungkook’s eyes seem to widen at that a bit. He almost looks surprised, but before Taehyung can ask him why, Yoongi is coming out from the back.  
  
“Shift’s up, bud,” he calls out.  
  
“Thanks,” Taehyung says, throwing Yoongi a quick nod. He turns back to Jungkook and hands him the cup. “Wait at your table, OK?” Jungkook nods, albeit reluctantly, and goes to sit back down.  
  
Taehyung can’t get out of his uniform fast enough. He throws on his normal clothes and stuffs his uniform in his locker. Unfortunately, though, Taehyung realizes that he forgot to unload some of the crates that Namjoon asked him to take care of before he left. He does it as quickly as possible (which is still over ten minutes), and then darts over to the manager’s office and knocks on the door.  
  
“I’m off, see you, Joonie!” he calls. He hears Namjoon grunt a confirmation, so he walks out to the café area. Jungkook is still sitting there facing his laptop, but his head is hanging a bit and his back is hunched forwards. Taehyung approaches him curiously and sees that Jungkook is, indeed, asleep. He tries not to make too much noise when he pulls out the seat next to Jungkook and plops down in it. He has a strange urge to watch Jungkook sleep for a while, but that position can’t be good for his neck, so he shakes him awake instead.  
  
“Kookie!” he whispers. “Jungkook, wake up!” Jungkook only stirs slightly and moans a bit. “Kookie, come on, I’m sitting here, wake up!”  
  
“Tae… go back to… bed…” Jungkook half-mumbles, half-groans. Taehyung cocks his head. He’s suddenly conscious of his own heartbeat accelerating in his chest. _Where the hell does he think we are?_  
  
“No, Jungkook, it’s time to get up!”  
  
“I don’t wanna!” Jungkook yelps. Taehyung can’t help but crack up at that, and his laughter seems to coax Jungkook of his daze just a little more. “Where the hell – ugh, Taehyung, how long have I been out for?”  
  
“Fifteen minutes, tops,” Taehyung replies, still chuckling. Jungkook’s exhausted face pulls into a tired smile.  
  
“It's nice hearing you laugh when I wake up,” the raven muses lazily, still groggy from sleep. Taehyung gulps and his heart thumps a little faster in his chest.  
  
“No more of this for you,” Taehyung scolds as he snatches the latte cup. He sips on it and hums to himself. “I may not make the coffee blend, but I always know the right ratio of milk to vanilla to coffee, right, Kook?”  
  
Jungkook grins at him. “Of course, one of your many talents.” Taehyung feels like an idiot for blushing at that, but he does anyway. Jungkook blushes right back at him and Taehyung’s getting giddy again. _Why the hell did he have to disappear for two weeks like that?_  
  
“So…” Taehyung begins, averting his eyes to Jungkook’s coffee. He takes another careful sip. “Where have you been?”  
  
Jungkook frowns, hesitating for a quick moment, and glances at his laptop. “I’ve been super busy. I’m taking five classes this semester so I can do an English minor, and… well, maybe that wasn’t a good idea after all.”  
  
“Wow,” Taehyung replies. “But you hate writing essays! Plus, you don’t even like fiction, so why would you want to be an English minor?” Jungkook looks at him with a bit of surprise.  
  
“You remember that?”  
  
“Duh, Kook,” Taehyung says with a playful grin. “I don’t forget that kind of stuff.”  
  
“What kind of stuff?” Jungkook presses, leaning in a little closer, his eyes shining.  
  
Taehyung swallows down the tension in his throat. _I need to do this._ He summons his courage and meets Jungkook’s expectant gaze. “Stuff about you.”  
  
Jungkook smiles softly and pulls away, much to Taehyung’s discontent. “Listen, I’m… I’m sorry about falling off the face of the planet. But even more, I'm so sorry about what happened at the diner. It hasn’t been very long since I stopped hanging out with the team all the time, so the habits are still kinda there.”  
  
“I get it,” Taehyung half-lies. It’s not that he _doesn’t_ get it, he just hates that side of Jungkook. It’s far too similar to the oppressive, manipulative side he knew so well. But if there’s one thing Taehyung knows now, it’s that Jungkook really does regret what he did. “Don’t worry about it too much. I just needed to get some air after that.”  
  
“I fucking hate that I did that to you,” Jungkook hisses. He clenches a ball of napkins in a fist. Taehyung frowns up at him and places his hand over Jungkook’s. The raven’s grip immediately relaxes, dropping the napkins to the tabletop. “You… you deserve better than a guy like me, Taehyung.”  
  
“You don’t think I can make that decision for myself? Don’t make this into some stupid drama, Jungkook,” Taehyung says with a roll of his eyes. Jungkook purses his lips, but then he nods.  
  
“Yeah. Let’s just not rush into it, ok? I want you to trust me fully before anything happens. I don’t want to hurt you again.”  
  
_No crying, Taehyung, not now!_ “Yeah,” Taehyung replies, his voice a bit shakier than he’d like from holding back a bit of moisture in his tear ducts. “I really appreciate that, Jungkook.”  
  
There’s a long moment of silence, but it’s anything but awkward. The two stare at each other’s faces, and Taehyung takes the chance to trace the curves of Jungkook’s eyes, the slope of his nose, the tired bags plaguing his eyelids. He wants to wipe Jungkook’s face clean of the exhaustion.  
  
“So, is it just classes?” he eventually asks. Jungkook shakes his head and glances back at his computer screen, where an essay is currently in-progress.  
  
“No, not just that. Baseball season just started, so I have a ton of shit to do for that. Plus… hanging out around the team can be exhausting.”  
  
“I’ll bet,” Taehyung nods. He grabs Jungkook’s other hand, bringing his gaze back to his own, and waits for him to continue.  
  
“They’re such… such fucking jerks. The way they talk about women, gay people, poor people… it’s all so fucked up. I can’t believe I never realized earlier, God! I was just like them, too.”  
  
Taehyung can’t help but laugh at that. He pushes down the urge to ask why – why things changed, why Jungkook isn’t like that anymore – and trusts the time will come. Instead, “do you remember the day when we first met?”  
  
“Of course, I do. You fucking schooled me!” Jungkook chuckles. They both fall into laughter then and Taehyung could swear the bags under Jungkook’s eyes are just a little bit lighter. “To this day, whenever somebody brings up queer stuff, I always think of that.” He pauses for a bit, and Taehyung is left feeling proud he left a mark somewhere in Jungkook’s mind. “I’m actually taking a gen/sex class this semester.”  
  
“Really? That’s great, Kook!” Taehyung grins. “I want to take one too, but I didn’t have room.”  
  
“Still, I’ve probably learned more stuff from you than I have from this class, at least so far,” Jungkook admits with a smile. Taehyung isn’t sure how to interpret that, so he just shrugs. They’re silent for a bit until Jungkook speaks again. “Yeah, so it’s gender and sexuality, intro to Shakespearian literature, health studies and the obesity crisis, advanced genetics, a biochem lab, and evolutionary psychology.”  
  
Taehyung gapes at him. _And I thought my schedule was hard._ “Kookie, you’re a varsity athlete _and_ you’re taking six classes?!”  
  
“Yeah, but it’s only five and a half credits, so I usually round it down.” Taehyung can’t help but remember how Jungkook would always exaggerate his course load in the past just so he could feel more justified in his complaints. _There’s another change._ “The lab is a half credit… although it feels like a full credit sometimes with all the homework. Plus, we’re usually expected to spend like three hours a week in the lab.”  
  
Taehyung sighs and gives Jungkook’s hand a light slap. “That wasn’t good planning,” he scolds. “You should drop something. I can see how exhausted it’s making you, Kook.”  
  
Jungkook’s lips curl downwards into a slight frown. “It’s nice that you’re worried, but I really can’t drop any of it. I need my biology major and the health studies minor if I want to open my own practice, and my parents are forcing me to do the English minor so I can keep my options open.”  
  
“No way,” Taehyung groans. “They’re still trying to get you to be a fucking lawyer?”  
  
“Bingo,” Jungkook sighs. Taehyung shakes his head in disbelief. He knew Jungkook’s parents were overbearing – where else could his insane expectations of himself come from – but he never expected them to hang onto an idea like that until his junior year of college. Jungkook gives Taehyung a weak smile. “So, it’s all necessary, ya know?”  
  
“No,” Taehyung pouts. “You’re still doing baseball-”  
  
Jungkook shifts their hands so his is on top of Taehyung’s. “Tae, I’m not going to quit baseball. It keeps me in shape. Plus, I enjoy the sport itself, just-”  
  
“You hate the team, you hate the coach, and you hate the obligation, right?” Taehyung interrupts, reciting the exact same complaints Jungkook would throw at him almost daily two years ago. Jungkook nods and Taehyung huffs in frustration. “Jungkook, you do realize you can stay in shape without the sport and free up like fifteen hours a week, right? Plus, there are casual, student-run sport teams that have optional practices. You could join Frisbee! The coach is super sweet, I think she’d love you! Nothing like Coach what’s-his-face, Ryan or something?”  
  
There’s a flash in Jungkook’s eyes that seems like longing, like hope, like he really does want to take the way out of the hell he’s putting himself through. But it’s gone in an instant, and that makes Taehyung sad. “You can’t really expect me to abandon one of the best varsity teams in the region to join Frisbee, right?”  
  
Taehyung takes a deep breath. “Look, Kookie. It’s weird, because we haven’t really talked that much in, like, two years, but I can tell that you’ve changed a lot. There’s still so much more you can be… you’re just still stuck to this cycle: work for insane amounts of time, sleep for too little, and relieve your stress by exercising and working more. It’s not healthy, and it leads to you getting way too drunk and confessing your love for me at a trashy party-”  
  
“Wh-what?!” Jungkook gasps. Taehyung tugs his hands away from Jungkook’s to cover his mouth and averts his gaze to anywhere that’s not the younger. Jungkook just stares at him, eyes wide with horror, for so long that Taehyung starts to feel a panic coming on, but then Jungkook blinks a few times. He lets out a deep sound, and it sounds like a sob at first, but Taehyung quickly realizes that Jungkook is laughing, almost hysterically.  
  
“K-Kookie?”  
  
“I can’t believe I fucking told you,” Jungkook gasps. “I remember that night a little bit, but I thought I told Jimin! I figured he wouldn’t tell you.” He slams his palm on the table’s wooden surface to ground himself, shaking with the force of his laughter.  
  
“Well, you did tell Jimin, too, but you also told me,” Taehyung says, smiling awkwardly. It takes a bit for Jungkook’s infectious laughter to reach him, starting out as a disbelieving smile, but it does soon enough, and then they’re both hysterical messes. “That’s… that’s not all,” Taehyung gasps. “You were making out with this girl, and I got so jealous I pushed you off her! Can you fucking believe that? After a year, I got jealous!”  
  
“Wow,” Jungkook says, wiping a tear from his eyes as he begins to recover from his fit. “You got jealous? That’s… that’s kinda hot,” he says, his tongue flickering out to wet his lips. Taehyung blushes profusely and sends a shy smile towards the floor.  
  
“Yeah, well, I guess I was a little tipsy…” he admits. Taehyung feels a soft touch on his jaw and he’s then being turned to look at Jungkook. Much to his shock, the raven is inches from his face, staring deep into his eyes.  
  
“You’re really cute, you know that?” he muses. Taehyung has to remind himself to breathe. He manages a weak shrug, which apparently doesn’t please Jungkook. “No,” he says with a stubborn frown. “You’re _cute,_ and that’s the end of the story.” And as if to confirm his point, he plants a kiss right on Taehyung’s nose. Taehyung is pretty sure he’d have passed out if it weren’t for Jungkook’s free hand moving to rub his own under the table. “Got it, Kim?”  
  
“O-Ok…” Taehyung stammers. Jungkook smiles at him so brightly with that bunny-toothed grin that for once, Taehyung thinks he may actually believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What'd you all think? Sorry for the little bit of "it was just a dream" teasing; I promise something more real (and _much_ spicier) is on the way ;)


	6. Crumble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhhh......... so this is awkward... but thank you to a lovely commenter who pointed out that I literally forgot an entire chapter!!! So here it is! I'll post the following chapter (the one I accidentally put up yesterday) ASAP :) <3
> 
> Sorry about that, and I hope you get a chance to read this if you already read the last one! It will make much more sense...
> 
> God I'm an idiot.  
> <3

After nearly an hour of talking, Jungkook offers to drive Taehyung back home. Taehyung can’t refuse (literally – Jungkook won’t let him), so he climbs into the passenger’s seat and hums to himself as he waits. Jungkook opens the driver side door and slides in. He doesn’t forget to flash Taehyung a comforting smile as he turns on the engine. It seems Jeon Jungkook is all smiles these days, and Taehyung couldn’t find it in himself to mind even if he wanted to.  
  
“You know,” the younger starts, “as crazy as it sounds, Evolutionary Psych is probably my hardest class. I never took Intro to Psych, so everyone else is so familiar with the terminology. My professor just blows past it and I have to spend nearly an hour after every class looking up all the crap she said.”  
  
“Damn, that does sound hard,” Taehyung empathizes. He’s taken so many psych classes by now that they all seem like slightly different viewpoints on the exact same stuff. He’s pretty sure he learned about false memories in every single psych course ever.  
  
“Yeah. You probably thought it was a piece of cake, though.”  
  
“Well, I took Intro before I took Evolutionary,” Taehyung counters.  
  
Jungkook grins at him for a second before returning his gaze to the road. “But you’re also hella smart,” he says, a teasing lilt in his honey voice. He doesn’t give Taehyung time to even try and deny it. “You just got chemistry so easily. To be honest, I was jealous of you back then… you basically never studied and still got perfect scores on everything.”  
  
It’s almost sweet thinking Jungkook was jealous of Taehyung, because Taehyung has always been jealous of Jungkook for his work ethic. It’s probably the best he’s ever encountered – if by best, you mean ‘most productive;’ not to be confused with ‘most healthy.’  
  
“Hey,” Jungkook says after a few minutes. “You should help me out with psych. All the kids in my class are assholes, so I don’t wanna ask them for help with it.”  
  
Taehyung snorts at the request. “Is that why you’ve been so nice to me then?” In the short silence that follows, he glances over at Jungkook, and certainly hadn’t expected to see how disappointed – hurt, even – the boy seems.  
  
“Taehyung, of course not,” he replies, his tone serious as stone.  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that-”  
“No,” Jungkook interrupts. “Don’t apologize. It… it makes sense that would cross your mind after what I did. It just makes me mad that I fucked with you so badly.”  
  
Taehyung chooses to remain silent on that front. He watches Jungkook carefully for a bit until the raven’s expression seems less conflicted. Then he turns to watch the buildings and occasional pedestrian fly past. His mind is racing with thoughts, but none of them really serve much of a purpose.  
  
“I’ll do it!” Taehyung blurts out. “Tutoring, I mean. I’ll tutor you.”  
  
Jungkook glances over at him with that huge, adorable grin again. “Really!? You’ll do it?” Taehyung rolls his eyes but gives him a nod nonetheless. “Yes! Thanks, Tae! I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”  
  
Really, Taehyung can’t help the way that his mind drifts to dirtier thoughts, especially with the dream from last night still lingering in his subconscious, so Taehyung turns to Jungkook despite his better judgement. “How?” he asks.  
  
Shrugging slightly, Jungkook only offers him a disappointingly nonchalant reply. “However feels right, I guess.”  
  
Most of the flirting Taehyung’s done was in high school, when he was seeing the only boyfriend he’s had over the course of his life. He wonders if he still has it in him; it’s almost like not interacting with people that way for so long has rendered him an awkward twig. Then again, perhaps he’s always been an awkward twig. Either way, he decides to trust his instincts; he figures Jungkook will get the message.  
  
“And here I was, thinking you had something more specific in mind…” Taehyung mutters, just loudly enough so Jungkook will hear it. “That’s a shame.”  
  
The raven raises an eyebrow and glances at him for a moment. “You really wanna know right now?” When Taehyung turns to him eagerly, he speaks again. “It might drive you crazy, sitting in the car where you can’t even move…”  
  
Taehyung nods profusely. The urge to reach out to touch Jungkook is too strong, so he sits on his fingers instead to keep them both from crashing the car. _God, he hasn’t kissed you in two weeks, Taehyung. It’s not like it’s been a year. Desperate, much?_ Yes, apparently, because he lets out in a very desperate whisper, “yeah, p-please?”  
  
Jungkook smirks as he glances out the driver side window. He places a hand on his chin, making his fake ‘I’m in thought’ face, complete with an exaggerated hum. “Well, for starters, I’d take you out to dinner, like I promised I would three weeks ago,” he begins. Taehyung blushes a little at that. “Then, after dinner, I’d drive you home like I’m doing right now. And then I’d ask if I could show you some YouTube videos on your laptop, but it’d really be because I want you to invite me to your place,” he continues.  
  
Taehyung can’t help but chuckle at that. “You’re a sneaky one,” he chides. Jungkook winks at him, causing a whole range of tumultuous emotions to stir in Taehyung’s stomach. He still finds courage for a response, though. “And what if I said yes?”  
  
“Then we’d go upstairs to your room. While you’re trying to get your key out from your pocket, I’d walk up right behind you and lean in nice and close so you could hear me breathing. And then I’d whisper into your ear that you’re too fucking cute to be real.”  
  
With his heart pounding in his chest, Taehyung is suddenly finding it harder to control himself. It’s like his fingers are burning and it physically hurts to keep them restrained. “What...”  
  
“And you’d be all cute and flustered, of course.” He turns to Taehyung and smirks knowingly for a moment. “Just like you are right now. All blushing and squirming and cute. So I’d take the key from you and unlock the door myself.” Jungkook pauses for a moment, so Taehyung chances a glance at him. He watches in utter fascination as Jungkook’s gaze on the road darkens. “At that point, in your room, with your hand in mine… I don’t think I’d be able to control myself anymore.” Taehyung lets out an embarrassing whimper and finally frees a hand to cover his mouth with, but Jungkook pulls it away. “No, Tae, I want to hear it.”  
  
Taehyung gulps hard and nods his head. “What do you mean… lose control…?”  
  
“Oh, you fucking know what it means, Taehyung. I’d push you up against the nearest wall and show you how badly I’ve been-” Taehyung jolts in his seat as a piercing ring comes from Jungkook’s pocket. “Fuck!” the boy mutters. He tugs out his phone and passes it to Taehyung. “Could you tell me who it is?”  
  
For some reason, being entrusted with a ringing phone seems like a sign of trust, and it makes Taehyung feel a little warm. He’s still very much hot and bothered by whatever the hell just happened, though, so when he sees the caller ID, he freezes. “It’s your mom,” he says.  
  
Jungkook groans immediately. “Answer it, and put it on speakerphone. You can pretend like you’re not here if you want.”  
  
“If I want-?”  
  
“Tae, come on,” Jungkook rushes. Taehyung realizes that phones don’t just ring forever. He turns on speaker phone and hovers the phone between him and Jungkook.  
  
“Hello?” Jungkook says.  
  
“Jungkook-ah,” comes a surprisingly pleasant voice. “How are you, darling?” Taehyung is struck by how regal Jungkook’s mother sounds. So far, he’s met two sides to Jungkook – the asshole-douchebag, and the adorable flirt. He wonders if he’ll get a peek at a third side today.  
  
“Hello, mother,” Jungkook says back, and sure enough, his voice is distinctly different from before. It’s calm and respectful, polite almost to a fault. It’s hard to find the emotion in his tone.  
  
His mother continues without much prompting. “I wanted to ask you about the girl you mentioned this summer. What was her name? Jiyeon?”  
  
Taehyung freezes. He recognizes that name – it’s the girl he tore Jungkook away from at that party one year ago. _Why the hell did he mention_ her _to his mom?_ He sees Jungkook go rigid out of the corner of his eye.  
  
“What- what about her?” Jungkook asks.  
  
“It’s just that she seemed so nice! You promised you’d bring her home on the next vacation, but we never heard anything about it since. Could it be you broke up?”  
  
_Broke up?!?_ As if reading his mind, Jungkook shoots Taehyung an extremely worried look and holds up a finger. _‘Wait, I’ll explain,’_ it means, but Taehyung can just picture the excuses Jungkook’s sorting through in his head.  
  
“Mom, we were never together,” he says, his voice losing a bit of its regality. Now there’s a sort of anger peaking through.  
  
“Don’t you dare raise your voice to me, young man,” his mother hisses back. Taehyung’s eyes go wide. That _was raising his voice?_  
  
“Sorry, mother,” Jungkook replies, his face falling a bit in shame. He pulls the car over outside Taehyung’s apartment and glances anxiously towards the passenger seat. Taehyung doesn’t give him any signs that he’s going anywhere, and Jungkook seems relieved for it. “I meant that she was interested in me, but I didn’t return the feelings in the end.”  
  
“Why not? She seemed like such a nice girl.”  
  
“She was, but she was very demanding. I needed time to focus on my studies and on athletics, but she kept complaining that I wasn’t giving her enough attention,” Jungkook explains, and something about his expression makes Taehyung think he’s lying through his teeth.  
  
“I see,” his mother replies, her voice calm again. “Well, I understand if you were focusing on your studies. In the future, however…” she begins, her voice going a bit cold, as if she just knows that there’s an insecure gay boy sitting in the front seat of Jungkook’s car. “If you find a nice girl like her, hold on to her no matter what. You will need to be married eventually, you know.”  
  
Taehyung’s heart sinks down to his stomach. He reaches for the door handle, but Jungkook locks the car just before he can open it. Taehyung shoots him a betrayed expression, but Jungkook is looking at him with pleading eyes. Taehyung huffs a bit and sinks back into the seat, his arms crossed stubbornly at his chest.  
  
“Mother, I’m not prepared to discuss this right now. I will call you back later this week when I’m not working on three papers at once, forgive me, please.”  
  
“Jeon Jungkook-!”  
  
Jungkook grabs the phone and hangs it up immediately. He stares at the screen for a moment, and then huffs out a heavy sigh. “I’m so sorry you had to hear that, Tae,” he breathes. Taehyung raises an eyebrow and taps his foot against the floor of the car, attempting (and most likely failing) to mask his growing insecurity behind anger.  
  
“You had better explain, Jungkook,” he hisses. Jungkook raises an eyebrow right back.  
  
“I’m sorry, but why?” he questions. “Am I obligated to explain something like this?”  
  
“Because,” Taehyung bites back, hot tears building at his eyes, “you can’t just keep it from me that you and Jiyeon were fucking _dating_ and expect me to not be upset!”  
  
“Taehyung, we weren’t actually _dating._ The woman made that part up. And I’m sorry, but I was going to tell you. We aren’t even together yet; how can you expect me to tell you everything like that before we even start? Can’t you trust me a little?”  
  
“I… I don’t know,” Taehyung sighs, and with that, the tears are falling.  
  
“Oh, fuck,” Jungkook whispers. He pops his seatbelt and scrambles out of his position so that he’s hovering between the seats, his knee resting on the console. He takes Taehyung’s hands and holds them in his own. “Fuck, I’m so sorry, just… don’t cry, ok? Please?”  
  
Taehyung chokes on a sob and turns his head away so Jungkook won’t see the snot running from his nose. Jungkook turns his face back to his own, his touch so gentle, and Taehyung tries to at least close his eyes, but the younger squeezes his hand in a pulse to keep him looking.  
  
“Taehyung, don’t cry, please,” he breathes, staring into Taehyung’s eyes from where he looms above him. He used the hand on Taehyung’s chin to wipe the tears from his cheeks and kisses his forehead.  
  
“I’m so pathetic,” Taehyung gasps. He stares up at Jungkook, unable to keep his bottom lip from quivering.  
  
“No, Tae,” Jungkook breathes. “You’re not pathetic at all. It’s not that I’m pitying you, I promise. I just don’t want you to cry because it… it makes me so fucking sad, _fuck._ ”  
  
Taehyung gasps another sob and scoots towards the door, tugging Jungkook down towards his seat. The raven maneuvers himself so he’s awkwardly sideways on the available strip of cushion, and after an uncomfortable moment, he lifts Taehyung’s body so the older is resting on his lap, long legs swung over the transmission and pressed against the driver side window. Taehyung lets Jungkook wrap his arms around him and pull him into his chest. There, he curls into the warmth and continues his sobbing, in the comfort of Jungkook’s scent. At this point, he’s not even sure why he’s crying. It doesn’t feel like it’s about Jiyeon anymore. He supposes it’s more about the situation in general – Jungkook’s mom is clearly an authoritative jerk who wants Jungkook to marry a woman.  
  
“I can’t – can’t marry y-you,” Taehyung gasps out. “Can’t give you kids, can’t satisfy your mom…”  
  
“Shit, Taehyung, calm down, OK?” Jungkook pleads, his voice wavering. “None of that is important right now.”  
  
“Yeah, not right now,” Taehyung retorts. He turns his head to look up at Jungkook and sniffles back another trail of snot. Jungkook seems to notice, and the raven takes mercy on him, wiping his face clean of snot with the back of his sleeve. “B-but… someday, maybe? I don’t want a relationship to be limited by something like that, and I don’t… I don’t want this to be a fuck-and-done thing.”  
  
“Taehyung,” Jungkook says. “If this were a fuck-and-done thing, would I be holding you in my car like this? Would I have let you answer the phone for me? I wouldn’t have held back all this time. I want things to be… to be right with you. I understand if you can’t trust me. If I were you, I wouldn’t either. But please, try and believe me when I say that you’re more important to me than that!”  
  
“But I do trust you, Jungkook, and that’s the problem. I don’t understand why, but I do, so much. The only thing I ever resented you for was leaving me alone. Not the way you would barge into my room unannounced like you owned the place, not the way you would encourage me to work out so much I nearly passed out, not the way you’d torture me by practically getting naked in front of me… not even the way y-you’d… hit me…”  
  
“Fuck,” Jungkook curses, voice strained and spiteful as he rubs circles into Taehyung’s shoulder.  
  
“When I said that I couldn’t do it anymore, couldn’t be your friend and that I liked you more than that, I thought you’d change. I thought you’d stop showing off to me, and would start treating me like a person. At the very least, I didn’t think you’d just give me up.”  
  
“I’m so sorry,” Jungkook whispers. “So fucking sorry…”  
  
“But why? Why, Jungkook?” Taehyung breathes. He turns to meet Jungkook’s eyes again. They’re both crying now, he sees, and Jungkook looks like he’s regretting the biggest mistake of his life.  
  
“It’s really hard to explain, Taehyung. I promise I’ll tell you everything when I’m ready – and I will be ready, someday, preferably when you’re not as upset and vulnerable – but for now, believe me when I say that I was going through some horrible shit. I was in such bad denial that I couldn’t figure it out. I just… I knew you were into me, but I couldn’t let myself admit I was into you. I just knew that being _something_ to you – anything – was better than nothing. It started out as playful, it really did, but by the time I realized you were getting bruises, things changed. I realize now that I was doing it because I was trying to suppress my feelings, and that only made it worse.”  
  
“That’s… that’s so fucked up…” Taehyung breathes. It’s almost impossible to see that evil Jeon Jungkook of the past as the same person who’s holding Taehyung in his loving arms, tears streaming down his godly face.  
  
“I know, Tae. That’s why I left. It’s because I knew how horrible I was being, and I didn’t realize it was breaking you so much until that night.”  
  
“How could you not know?”  
  
Jungkook breathes in a shaky sigh. He brings the hand at Taehyung’s shoulder to his blonde locks and strokes through them soothingly. “I was so wrapped up in myself. Listen, Tae, I already told you I’m not ready to tell you everything right now, but I will say this: my mother is crazy and controlling, right?” Taehyung nods weakly in response. “Well, my dad’s ten times worse. He does it in a… physical way, too.”  
  
As soon as the words settle in, Taehyung stares up at Jungkook in horror. “You… you don’t mean…”  
  
“Please, Tae, n-not now, ok?” Jungkook practically begs, and Taehyung realizes that the raven’s crying even more than he is now. “Promise me you’ll be patient, and I promise to never hurt you again.” Taehyung manages a nod before collapsing back into Jungkook’s chest. They sob there together, Jungkook wrapping him up in his arms, breathing in each other’s scents.  
  
Finally, that wall is down, and Taehyung knows that Jungkook really has changed.


	7. Breathe Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, here's the next chapter in its proper place teehee  
> I'm sincerely sorry for fucking up, and I hope the previous chapter gives this one more context! Thank you again to the reader who pointed this out <3   
> As always, let me know what you think! I love hearing from you all <3333  
> Also, I hope you like dirty talk ;D

After spending nearly an hour crying in Jungkook’s car, Taehyung’s stomach starts to grumble. Timidly, as if afraid of shattering the vulnerable intimacy between them, Jungkook taps him weakly on the shoulder.  
  
“TaeTae, you’re hungry, right?” he asks. Taehyung shakes his head, but Jungkook isn’t buying it. “Taehyung, you can’t lie, OK? I don’t want us to lie to each other anymore.”  
  
“I’m hungry,” Taehyung admits with a labored breath. “But I don’t want to eat.”  
  
Jungkook shudders in a sigh and begins to lift Taehyung in his arms. “I know, Tae. But I’m not going to let you do that anymore. I’m going to take care of you, so have faith in me.”  
  
Dumbfounded, Taehyung can only nod his head with wide eyes. Jungkook smiles at him and plants a kiss on his still-red nose, and then he climbs into the driver’s seat to turn the car back on. He drives them to some crappy fast food chain where he orders them two burgers. Under Jungkook’s watchful gaze and reassuring touches, Taehyung finishes most of his. It’s quiet, almost silent, but it’s so relaxed and strangely intimate that it makes Taehyung’s heart flutter.  
  
When they’re done, Jungkook turns the car back on and drives back to the dorm. He opens the door for Taehyung and takes his hand as they walk up to his room, exchanging a light conversation about Jungkook’s favorite fast food restaurants. He likes Burger King over McDonald’s, Taehyung learns, because he once found a hair in a Big Mac. Taehyung makes sure to store that knowledge in his long-term memory for future late-night junk food runs.  
  
That’s right, isn’t it? Jungkook likes him. They’re… well, it hasn’t been defined yet, but now Taehyung gets to do this. He gets to steal glances at Jungkook’s thin lips when he wants to. Now, finding new restaurants and places to people-watch isn’t an impossible dream anymore. Taehyung wonders if he’ll ever get used to it.  
  
When they make it to his door, Taehyung reaches into his pocket for his key. He pushes past his phone and a random receipt that he must have gotten a few days ago. _Nope, must be the other pocket._ He reaches into the other, and just before he finds it, a hot breath puffs out onto the back of his neck. Shivers instantly fly up his spine and his arms shake. A soft, low snicker sounds from just behind him. _Oh, fuck…_  
  
“You’re so cute, Tae,” Jungkook whispers, and Taehyung is pretty sure he just fucking peed or something. “So damn adorable.” Taehyung feels Jungkook’s arms snake around his waist and hold him tight and Jungkook’s chest is against his back and his head is resting in the crook of his neck and- _oh god, is that his crotch?!_  
  
An embarrassing, choked noise echoes in the space between them and the doorway. “F-fuck, Jungkook, I can’t…”  
  
“Here,” Jungkook whispers, his voice husky and unmistakably mischievous. His left arm slowly drifts across Taehyung’s lower stomach – and then _downwards?!_ – until it’s just to the left of his crotch. Taehyung gasps for air and he hears Jungkook giggle into his neck. The hand travels to the left again and reaches into Taehyung’s pocket. Taehyung can only hold his breath as Jungkook rummages around. It feels like a fucking hour before Jungkook holds the key up for Taehyung to use, so he’s just about done with the teasing.  
  
“F-fuck you,” Taehyung yelps, “do it yourself!”  
  
Jungkook laughs his hearty laugh, his ribcage shaking against the older’s back, and Taehyung can’t help but smile shyly when the sound brings butterflies to his stomach. “Aww, babe, you won’t let me watch you struggle a little more?”  
  
“God damn it, Jungkook…” Taehyung whines. He dares to turn his head slightly, a pout on his lips, and he nearly gasps when he finds Jungkook’s face centimeters from his own. “K-Kookie?” he pouts.  
  
The sound that leaves Jungkook’s throat is unfamiliar, deep and raspy, and in a second, the younger spins Taehyung around and cages him in against the closed door. Taehyung’s eyebrows nearly fly off his head in shock. His heart is practically bursting and he feels a familiar heat building in his stomach.  
  
“You’re so damn cute,” Jungkook breathes, and his face is so dark and full of confidence it makes Taehyung’s head spin. “You drive me crazy, TaeTae.”  
  
“S-shit,” Taehyung gasps. With every second, Jungkook is getting just a little bit closer, pushing him even more into the wall. “We’re- we’re outside, Kookie,” he manages to stutter. Jungkook grins at him, and after a second, he removes his arms and backs up a bit. Taehyung lets out an involuntary whine at the distance, but that only makes Jungkook chuckle more.  
  
“Open the door, Tae,” he commands. Taehyung nods shakily and takes the key from Jungkook’s hand. He slides it into the doorknob after a bit of fumbling and swings the door open. By now, Jungkook is up against his back again, wrapping strong arms around his waist – but this time, the raven’s hands drift a bit so they’re holding his hips. “Good, good job,” Jungkook purrs. Taehyung nods, mostly to himself, and lets Jungkook guide him into his room, his hands still gripping Taehyung’s hips.  
  
“Close the door already!” Taehyung breathes, insistent, and there’s that tiny, barely-audible growling noise again. The second he hears the door click, Taehyung feels himself being turned and pushed up against it, and Jungkook’s face is inches from his own. “J-Jungkook!”  
  
“I haven’t kissed you in so long,” Jungkook says, his voice gruff and tinged with so much lust it makes Taehyung’s blood boil. “Can I kiss you, Tae?”  
  
Taehyung stares into Jungkook’s eyes, mostly out of pure shock. “O-of course,” he stammers.  
  
“You sure?” Jungkook asks, a hint of a smirk playing on his lips.  
  
“Don’t fucking tease me, Jeon Jungkook,” Taehyung yelps, his face twisting into an exaggerated pout, “and after making me wait two fucking years for this, you had better not hold back-”  
  
“Shit, Tae,” Jungkook breathes. He leans in closer and presses his lips to Taehyung’s, all warm and soft and tingly. Jungkook remains there, pressed against his lips, for a few seconds, before pulling back. “You’re not the only one who’s waited two years for this,” he breathes. The lust is still there, but there’s something else in his voice, too, and Taehyung recognizes it as sweet affection.  
  
“If you make me cry again, I won’t forgive you,” Taehyung whispers.  
  
“If you do, I’ll kiss every tear from your beautiful face and hold you until you’re better,” Jungkook breathes back. Taehyung feels those tears at his eyes again, but Jungkook leans back in and kisses him a bit harder this time. The raven moves his arms from the wooden door by Taehyung’s head, and rests one securely on his hip. He places the other on the cusp of Taehyung’s jaw to turn the older’s head a bit so their noses are out of the way.  
  
After a few moments, he pulls away again. He breathes in this time and stares into Taehyung’s eyes for a moment. Taehyung takes the chance to wrap his arms around Jungkook’s neck, because he doesn’t think he can move at all when Jungkook’s velvety lips are on his own. He uses the leverage to tug Jungkook towards him, and the raven dives back in instantly. Jungkook parts his mouth just a sliver this time and Taehyung follows suit. He feels Jungkook’s tongue swipe along his lower lip and he opens his mouth further, desperate for more. Jungkook pushes his tongue in, exploring the shallow area around Taehyung’s teeth for a bit, and Taehyung moves in to explore more of Jungkook as well.  
  
When Taehyung unwinds his hands from behind Jungkook’s neck and instead drifts them to rest against Jungkook’s chest, Jungkook starts to dig in deeper. He uses the hand on Taehyung’s jaw to turn the older’s head more to the side, allowing him better access, and he pushes further into his mouth. Taehyung lets out a quiet moan when Jungkook’s tongue slides even further over his own, lapping at the roof of his mouth. He grips at the sweatshirt on Jungkook’s chest in firm clutches and pulls away for a bit of air.  
  
“Tae,” Jungkook manages between hurried breathes, "would it be weird if I told you that you taste amazing?”  
  
“Yes, it would,” Taehyung breathes back. “Now come back here, it’s my turn to taste.”  
  
Jungkook lets out another little growl and dives back in. This time he keeps his mouth open, but saves his tongue, opting instead to slip the hand at Taehyung’s hip under his shirt. Taehyung gasps at the cold touch. He realizes that Jungkook is waiting for him, so he pushes his tongue in tentatively. Jungkook doesn’t quite taste _good,_ but he understands what the younger meant – the taste is somehow addicting. It’s a lot like coffee with a hint of vanilla ( _makes sense_ ), and in that way, Taehyung supposes the taste is amazing. It’s so undeniably Jungkook.  
  
Jungkook’s hand slowly travels up his stomach to his chest, and Taehyung shudders when Jungkook’s fingertips graze over his nipples. Clearly sensing something, Jungkook returns his fingers there and slowly circles the bud until it’s hard. Then, he rubs it with his fingers, and Taehyung can’t hold back the low moan that escapes his throat. Jungkook pulls back to stare at him with black fire in his eyes.  
  
“You like that?” he murmurs, bringing his free hand to brush the blonde locks from Taehyung’s forehead, sticky with sweat.  
  
Taehyung gulps hard and nods his head. “Yeah, it… it feels nice – agh!” Jungkook cuts him off by rubbing at the nipple again.  
  
“Fuck, Tae, you’re so gorgeous,” he breathes. Jungkook dives back in and wraps his lips around Taehyung’s bottom lip. He sucks softly on it and Taehyung shudders. Then he sucks a little harder and flicks at Taehyung’s nipple again and a loud, needy whine bubbles up Taehyung’s throat. It seems to trigger something in the raven, because then he growls more loudly than he has before and bites down on Taehyung’s lip. Taehyung gasps and his eyes shoot wide at the pleasure. His arousal is so painfully hard by now, and if Jungkook’s intense gaze is any indication, he’s in a similar state. Jungkook pulls away and stares at Taehyung’s lips.  
  
“Did… did I hurt you?”  
  
“No!” Taehyung yelps. “No, God no, it felt incredible.” The raven lets out a pleased hum and cards his fingers through Taehyung’s sweaty hair. Jungkook’s hair is a bit messy as well from all the cuddling in his car and his lips are slick with spit, swollen almost a bright red. Taehyung gulps at the fire in Jungkook’s gaze.  
  
“Good,” Jungkook replies, his face shifting into a smirk. He trails his fingers down Taehyung’s torso and to his lower abdomen, daring to curl a single finger right under the waistband of his jeans. He watches Taehyung the whole time, studying his shivering reactions. “I’m gonna make you feel good in so many ways, baby.”  
  
Taehyung gasps and nods his head. He fumbles with less-than-nimble fingers to grab the zipper of Jungkook’s hoody. Then he pulls it down and pushes it off his shoulders. Jungkook is wearing a plan white t-shirt underneath, the crisp material a bit wrinkled where Taehyung was clutching it at. The younger removes his hands only to tug the offending clothing off his arms. Then, much to Taehyung’s horror, he pulls off the white shirt as well, leaving his torso barren.  
  
The sight is about as gorgeous as he remembers it from years ago. Jungkook’s abs may as well be made of steel they’re so defined, but they’re still lean in that boyish way Taehyung finds so attractive. His chest is well-defined as well, and the pale skin around his clavicle looks so soft that Taehyung has a strong urge to kiss it. His arms seem to be nearly the size of Taehyung’s slim thighs. He shivers and ogles Jungkook, but he can’t bring himself to do anything else.  
  
“Taehyung,” Jungkook says, catching Taehyung’s gaze to meet his own. Jungkook’s eyes are cautious, almost worried. “You can touch, you know.”  
  
“I… yeah,” Taehyung breathes. He reaches out cautiously and brings his fingers to the top of Jungkook’s chest. Then he lets them drift down to Jungkook’s abs, feeling the ridges beneath his fingertips. Jungkook shivers as he gets further down and Taehyung makes it a long-term mission to see how Jungkook will react to every kind of touch he can provide.  
  
“Tae, can I take yours off, too?” he asks, his voice a bit strained with worry. Taehyung gulps and looks away bashfully.  
  
“I just… it’s kind of –”  
  
“It’s fine, really,” Jungkook interjects hurriedly. “We can take our time with it, I mean.” Taehyung nods his appreciation, albeit weakly. He tries not to, but he feels guilty making Jungkook stand there barren when he’s too afraid to do the same. “Taehyung, don’t you dare feel guilty about this,” Jungkook scolds, _clearly_ reading his mind.  
  
“Are you fucking psychic or something?” Taehyung asks with a shy chuckle.  
  
Jungkook chuckles right back. “Yeah, but only with you, babe.” Taehyung flushes a deep red and averts his gaze. “You’re so cute,” Jungkook says as he takes Taehyung chin between his fingers and guides him to meet his gaze again. “Do you like it when I call you baby?”  
  
“I-I guess…” Taehyung says with a pout. Jungkook smiles at him and leans to kiss him. He starts out slow, lip to lip, but it gets a bit heavier when Taehyung starts running his hands along Jungkook’s bare chest. He lets their tongues flicker against each other, a playful fight for dominance that Taehyung already knows he’ll lose. The moment Taehyung’s fingers brush against Jungkook’s pert nipples, the raven stutters in the kiss with a short gasp. Taehyung smiles against Jungkook’s mouth and flicks his nipple a bit harder. Instantly, Jungkook growls and grabs Taehyung’s shoulder with a hand, pushing it into the wall. He tilts his head and shoves his tongue more harshly into Taehyung’s mouth, reaching in desperately. Taehyung moans so loudly he begins to worry if someone will hear them from outside, but then Jungkook licks into him again and he moans all over again. Jungkook squeezes his shoulder hard and moves his other hand down to Taehyung’s hip, which he holds in a secure grip.  
  
A sudden, light-headed feeling starts to cloud Taehyung’s mind, and Jungkook, ever-attentive, pulls away. “Breathe,” the younger reminds him, his own breath sounding just as labored.  
  
“Hard to breathe when you’re shoving your tongue down my throat,” Taehyung retorts. Jungkook looks a bit conflicted for a moment. “No, Kook, I like it. I love it when you do that.”  
  
“Do what?” Jungkook breathes, his eyes growing wide in disbelief.  
  
Taehyung struggles a bit to come up with an answer, caught between his pathetic desires to be dominated and whatever shred of dignity he has left. He recalls his dream, where Jungkook didn’t hold back, and he nearly whimpers aloud. “When… when you take control like that,” Taehyung replies, his face beet red.  
  
Jungkook pushes him against the wall again, eliciting a small yelp from the older. “You like it when I take control, baby?” he growls. Taehyung whines out a moan and nods his head. “Fuck, that’s hot,” Jungkook groans. He tugs Taehyung away from the wall and guides them to the other side of the room. “Is the bed OK?” he asks after-the-fact.  
  
“No,” Taehyung says with a sassy roll of his eyes. “Only against the wall, it’s a rule.”  
  
Jungkook’s gaze darkens just a fraction. “I don’t think I’d mind that too much,” he bites back. Taehyung gulps a little at the way Jungkook’s staring at him, like he’s going to devour him.  
  
“I… I don’t think I would either,” Taehyung chokes out. Jungkook grins at him and tosses him onto the bed. Then he climbs over him so their bodies are just barely grazing and their faces are centimeters apart.  
  
“Taehyung, I don’t know if… I can hold back,” he grunts, his face flushed and almost contorted in his intense focus.  
  
“Don’t,” Taehyung breathes. “Don’t hold back, _please._ ”  
  
“Fuck, Tae…” Jungkook breathes. He kisses Taehyung like he’s claiming his mouth, like he owns Taehyung, and Taehyung’s body is getting so hot under his sweatshirt it’s almost unbearable. He pushes Jungkook away weakly and the younger moves back a bit, confusion written on his face.  
  
“It’s too hot,” Taehyung chokes out. He reaches to the hem of his sweatshirt and starts to pull it up, but Jungkook stops him.  
  
“You sure, Tae?”  
  
Taehyung stares at him with wide eyes. “Yeah, I’m ok now,” he says.  
  
“I just… want to make sure you’re comfortable,” Jungkook says bashfully.  
  
“You’re so sweet, Kookie,” Taehyung says. He grins up at him and Jungkook looks down at him in awe. “I’m so glad I waited for you to do this.”  
  
Something in Jungkook’s eyes flashes a little and he leans in a little closer. “What do you mean, waited for me, TaeTae?”  
  
“I… I mean, I didn’t… didn’t-”  
  
“You’ve never been with anybody?” Jungkook coaxes, his gaze thick with desire.  
  
“Not… not since I met you,” Taehyung replies, his face reddening from embarrassment. He’s positive Jungkook has been with other people since him, but every time Taehyung would try, the night would always end badly. Just like the night one year ago when he saved a drunken Jungkook from his… _future sort-of ex-girlfriend? Weird._ “I mean, my ex from high school and I fooled around a little, but… nothing like this…”  
  
Jungkook stares at him like he’s something made of magic. “You fucking waited two _years_ for me?”  
  
“Well… it’s not like I _waited,_ exactly… I just-”  
  
“Nobody’s touched you since when we met?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Jungkook lets out another one of his gut-twisting growls and he mouths at what little skin is showing of Taehyung’s neck from under his sweatshirt. “That’s so fucking sexy,” he grunts. “You’re _mine,_ Taehyung, got it?”  
  
Taehyung gasps as Jungkook bites down onto his neck and sucks along the mark. “Y-yes, Jungkookie,” he stammers. Jungkook licks around the bruise to sooth it. “I’m yours, I’ve been yours for so long…”  
  
“Take this off,” Jungkook commands, tugging at the hood of Taehyung’s sweatshirt. Taehyung nods dumbly and pulls off the sweatshirt and the shirt in one go, tossing it to the floor. When he looks back up, Jungkook’s eyes are dragging over his body like he’s eating him up, and Taehyung’s gut does flips and summersaults. “You’re fucking breathtaking, baby,” Jungkook breathes. He slowly drags his fingers over Taehyung’s bare torso and Taehyung flushes furiously. “Don’t be embarrassed, Tae. What other people think? None of that matters anymore. It’s just you and me, because you’re mine now.”  
  
Taehyung clenches his jaw as tears well up in his eyes. As if it weren’t enough that Jeon Jungkook is here, now, with him in his bed, now the hunk is declaring that Taehyung's his? It’s more than the broken Taehyung of only a month ago could have dreamt. “K-Kookie…” he starts, and then Jungkook kisses his cheeks and his forehead, and when Taehyung’s eyes flutter closed, he kisses the moisture from the lids as well.  
  
“Mine,” Jungkook declares as he kisses Taehyung’s lips a final time, his voice a gentle whisper. “And I’ll be yours, too, if you’ll have me.”  
  
“I want you, Jungkook,” Taehyung breathes, fighting back tears. “So badly.”  
  
“It’s ok, Tae,” Jungkook whispers, stroking the hair from Taehyung’s forehead. “You can have me. However, whenever, wherever you want me.”  
  
Taehyung closes his eyes again. “Keep going,” he breathes. “I want you to show me.”  
  
“Show you what?” Jungkook asks, but Taehyung gets the feeling he knows, because the raven is brushing his hands along Taehyung’s bare chest.  
  
“If other people don’t matter, then show me what _you_ think,” Taehyung whispers, his eyes still shut tight. “Sh-show me, Kookie.”  
  
“Of course, baby,” Jungkook breathes. He brings his lips to Taehyung’s and kisses him slowly. It’s so tender and passionate that Taehyung wants to cry all over again. He moans into Jungkook’s mouth as the raven claims his lips, sucking and biting at them, brushing his fingers along Taehyung’s nipples. Jungkook pulls away and kisses upwards along Taehyung’s jaw until his lips are ghosting against Taehyung’s earlobe. Taehyung lets out a yelp when Jungkook takes his earlobe between his teeth, licking at the skin.  
  
“F-fuck, Kook,” Taehyung gasps. He grabs at Jungkook’s hair as he searches blindly for anything to hold, and when he tugs on it, Jungkook lets out a growl. He releases Taehyung’s earlobe and pulls back just an inch so their eyes can meet.  
  
“You like that? Huh, Tae?” he asks in his gruff voice. Taehyung gasps and nods his head quickly. “Do you like pulling my hair, baby?”  
  
“I… oh… sorry,” Taehyung murmurs. Jungkook grins his toothy smile and shakes his head.  
  
“No, babe, it’s fine. I like it.” He leans in closer, his dark gaze leaving Taehyung’s vision again. “Makes me want to feel you pulling my hair while I fuck into you,” he whispers into Taehyung’s ear, and Taehyung can’t help but let out a high-pitched moan as his back arches high above the mattress.  
  
“Jungkook, p-please…”  
  
“Please what, baby?” Jungkook smirks. Taehyung pouts and slaps Jungkook’s strong shoulder. The raven only grins at him and moves back down. He kisses and licks down Taehyung’s jaw until he reaches his neck, and then he kisses near the first mark he placed and begins to suck there, tugging the skin with his lips and nipping it. Taehyung gasps again. “Is your neck sensitive, TaeTae?” he asks. Taehyung only nods. “Good. I’ll make sure to suck it everywhere, then.”  
  
Taehyung’s hips buck into Jungkook’s thigh at a little at that, and Jungkook chuckles darkly. He makes good on his promise, riddling Taehyung’s neck with marks. Then, he licks downwards and along Taehyung’s collarbones. He leaves little nips there as well.  
  
“God, you’re so hot,” Jungkook breathes against Taehyung’s skin. “I’m gonna mark you everywhere.”  
  
Taehyung lets out a whine. The pool of heat in his stomach is starting to overflow and he may honestly come from just this, just the subtle friction Jungkook’s thighs are supplying to his crotch, if the younger keeps it up. “K-Kookie, I’m… you’re…”  
  
“Shh, I know, baby,” Jungkook whispers, bringing his lips to Taehyung’s and placing a comforting kiss there. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to tease, I just want to show you how gorgeous you are.”  
  
“B-but… I’m going to…” Taehyung throws an arm over his face in sheer embarrassment. _To think I’d come just from a little sucking and dirty talk… how mortifying._  
  
“TaeTae? What are you going to do?” Jungkook coaxes, his eyes smoldering with fresh flames.  
  
“Don’t tease me!” Taehyung yelps.  
  
“I’m not, baby. I’d never judge you, so just tell me, OK?”  
  
Taehyung gulps. “It’s so… so much, I may come if… if you k-keep doing this,” he stammers. Jungkook stares down at him with wide eyes.  
  
“God fucking damn it, Taehyung, that’s so fucking hot,” he growls. Taehyung looks up at him in utter shock just as Jungkook dives right in, nipping at Taehyung’s lower lip. “Why the hell would it be a problem if you came from this? I love how turned on you are. God, Tae, you worry about the silliest little things.”  
  
Relief bubbles up in his chest and Taehyung finds the wherewithal to cup Jungkook’s face. “How the hell did you change _this_ much?” he asks. “You’ve got a lot of explaining to do when we’re done, Jeon.” Jungkook chuckles up at him, and then licks an abrupt, lewd stripe straight along Taehyung’s collar. “F-fuck, Jungkook!”  
  
“Even your skin tastes amazing,” Jungkook whispers. Taehyung’s long been too far gone to even consider how strange that statement is; all he knows is that Jungkook’s voice is so damn sexy and full of lust it makes him want to die. Jungkook licks downwards until his tongue is swirling just around Taehyung’s nipple. Taehyung braces a hand in Jungkook’s hair and tugs. “Pull harder, Tae,” Jungkook growls. Taehyung squints his eyes shut and tugs, and Jungkook growls again. “Better.”  
  
Taehyung nearly screams when Jungkook cups a hand over his clothed crotch and gives it a sure squeeze. Jungkook glances up at him and finally lets his tongue lap directly at Taehyung’s nipple, and this time, Taehyung really does scream. Jungkook licks harder, pushing his tongue into the flesh, and Taehyung can only whimper desperately. He tugs hard on Jungkook’s hair, but it only seems to edge him on more. The raven switches to the other nipple and dives right into it. He takes the bud between his teeth and nips down. Taehyung cries out Jungkook’s name frantically, his brain entirely short-circuited, and the raven hurries just as frantically to unzip his pants.  
  
“P-please, Kookie,” Taehyung gasps. _“Please!!”_  
  
“It’s ok, baby,” Jungkook breathes, but the look of impatience on his face says otherwise. “Just… have to get these damn things… off you…” Finally, he drags the pants down past Taehyung’s ankles. He tosses them onto the floor and tugs off his own pants more swiftly so they’re both left in their underwear. Taehyung would be embarrassed if he weren’t so preoccupied with staring at the size of the tent in Jungkook’s boxers. He can only imagine how huge Jungkook is… it makes him shiver in anticipation.  
  
“You’re so fucking hot, Taehyung,” Jungkook hisses. “I don’t care how many times I have to tell you that, I’ll keep saying it until you believe me.” Taehyung blushes profusely and tugs a bit on Jungkook’s hair. “What do you want me to do, babe?” Jungkook asks.  
  
“I… I don’t know… just, _please,_ ” he begs. Jungkook grins up at him.  
  
“How about I jack you off, baby? How does that sound?”  
  
“F-fuck, yes – good, I mean, that sounds good,” Taehyung gasps. He shuts his eyes tight and Jungkook slips his dick through the hole in Taehyung’s boxers. He wraps a hot fist around his cock. “Kookie! Shit…”  
  
“You’re so cute, baby,” Jungkook drawls. He moves upwards as he tightens the fist around Taehyung’s dick. “And you’re so wet, too, God,” he breathes. Taehyung whimpers in shame and turns his head away. “TaeTae, quit worrying. I love it. It shows me how much you want me.”  
  
Taehyung nods bashfully and throws his head back when Jungkook starts pumping his fist. "Oh, fuck...”  
  
Jungkook smirks at him and claims his lips again, shoving his tongue to the back of Taehyung’s lax throat. Taehyung whines and whimpers into the kiss and his orgasm is so terribly close already. All he needs is –  
  
Jungkook pulls back and stares Taehyung right in his eyes. “I’m gonna fuck you, Taehyung,” he groans. “I’m gonna fuck you so hard you can’t stand for days.”  
  
– and Taehyung comes as he cries out Jungkook’s name, sending hot liquid onto both their stomachs. Jungkook kisses him deep and sweet as he rides out his orgasm, pulling back occasionally to pant into his mouth.  
  
“Oh God, Jungkook,” Taehyung gasps. He winces as Jungkook continues to tug on his overstimulated cock. “K-Kookie…”  
  
“Sorry, babe,” Jungkook breathes. He pulls his hand away and brings it up to his lips. Taehyung watches in awe as Jungkook licks his fingers clean. “Yep, you taste great there, too,” he smirks. Taehyung throws his head back.  
  
“Shit, Jungkook, you’re a fucking god,” he whines. Jungkook chuckles and nuzzles his head into Taehyung’s neck. His crotch presses up against Taehyung’s hip, making his throbbing erection well known. “Kook, get up,” Taehyung says, shoving on Jungkook’s shoulder weakly. “It’s your turn.”  
  
“Baby, I’m fine,” Jungkook says, but Taehyung isn’t buying it.  
  
“Kookie, I can feel your dick, and it doesn’t seem terribly satisfied to me,” Taehyung pouts. Jungkook looks up at him with a face that’s almost pained.  
  
“Really, Tae, I promise I’m fine. What we just did has given me enough to masturbate to for weeks.”  
  
Taehyung scoffs at that and shakes his head. “I will not be having my Kookie masturbating when I’m right here,” he states firmly. Jungkook stares up at him and bites his lip.  
  
“What… what do you want to do, then?” he asks tentatively, almost like he’s afraid of the answer.  
  
“Wanna suck you off,” Taehyung breathes. Jungkook’s eyes flash dark and he pushes down on Taehyung’s waist.  
  
“Don’t say stuff like that unless you mean it,” Jungkook breathes.  
  
Nodding his head, Taehyung slowly slides out from under Jungkook and stands by the side of the bed. He gets down onto his knees and looks up at Jungkook with a shy smile. “I mean it, Kook.”  
  
Jungkook growls low as he tugs off his underwear and moves over slowly until he’s sitting on the bed’s edge, a knee on either side of Taehyung’s shoulders. He stares down at Taehyung with an expression so lustful it threatens to make Taehyung hard all over again.  
  
“I’ve… I never…” Taehyung starts. Jungkook stares down at him and nods his head.  
  
“Take it slow, baby,” he says. “Open up nice and wide for me, OK? Most importantly, remember to breathe.”  
  
Taehyung nods and moves closer until his mouth is an inch from Jungkook’s crotch. He tests the waters by breathing out hot air onto Jungkook’s dick, and grins in satisfaction when the younger winces. He looks up to meet Jungkook’s dark, hooded gaze and plants a kiss on the underside of his cock. Before Jungkook can respond, he positions Jungkook’s dick so it’s upright between his fingers and licks a stripe all the way from the base to the head. Jungkook groans and moves a hand to card through Taehyung’s blonde locks.  
  
“T-Tae,” he groans. “Come on, baby, open up.”  
  
Taehyung opens his mouth obediently and wraps his lips around Jungkook’s cock. The taste is salty, like Jungkook’s sweat, and the small bit of precum is almost bitter. And yet, it’s a sort of heady taste, clouding his mind with reinvigorated lust. He moves his head down slowly, taking in the massive length little by little. Jungkook grunts and curses the whole way, trying desperately to keep his hips from bucking into the warm heat of Taehyung’s mouth.  
  
“Fuck, you feel incredible,” Jungkook gasps. Taehyung hums at the praise and slowly begins to move. He can’t get much more than half of Jungkook’s dick into his mouth without gagging, so he places a fist around the other half and start pumping it. When he starts to bob his head as well, Jungkook groans low and desperate. Taehyung tries to increase the pace, but soon his lungs are screaming from a lack of air. His throat tightens and it makes him gag a little.  
  
He pulls off and stares at Jungkook with a pathetic pout. “S-sorry, I guess… guess I’m not good at this…”  
  
Jungkook strokes his cheek with a fond look. “I disagree,” he soothes, his voice like velvet and his gaze like lava. He moves his hand to tangle it in Taehyung’s soft hair. “Just remember to breath, baby. Take it as slow as you need to.”  
  
Taehyung nods, feeling much more comfortable this time. He licks at the head for a bit, watching Jungkook try to control his breathing above him. He lets the thick shaft slip into his mouth, relishing in the loud moan that leaves Jungkook’s lips, and shifts his angle a bit, raising himself on his knees. The new position lets him take in much more of Jungkook’s cock until his hand is barely needed at all and he feels the head nearing the back of his throat.  
  
“Oh, fuck, Tae,” Jungkook groans, tugging hard on Taehyung’s hair. The sharp pain sends waves of arousal through his body. _I guess I know why he likes it so much, he muses._ “You’re so good for me, baby, so hot and wet.”  
  
Taehyung hums around Jungkook’s cock and the younger bucks his hips slightly, pushing against the back of Taehyung’s throat. He feels his throat tighten, gagging a bit, but he wills it down for both of their sakes. He stops for a second to breathe in through his nose and then gets back to work, bobbing his head at a faster pace, trying every time to take in more.  
  
The grip on his hair tightens and Taehyung takes that as a good sign. Then Jungkook growls at him, loud and unabashed. “You sure you’ve never done this before? Feels so fucking good, shit…” Jungkook brings his other hand to stroke at Taehyung’s cheek and then at his swollen bottom lip, still wrapped around Jungkook’s huge cock. “So cute, even with my dick in your mouth, baby.”  
  
The filthy praise effects Taehyung a little more than he’d like to admit. He bobs his head more quickly, shamefully desperate to hear more, and hallows out his cheeks. Jungkook groans in his raspy voice and cards a second hand through Taehyung’s hair. By now, Taehyung is getting used to this, so he pulls up for a few breaths and licks at the head to keep Jungkook occupied. Emboldened by the younger’s encouragement, he tries his hand at a little dirty talk of his own.  
  
“You’re so big, Jungkookie,” he breathes.  
  
“Fuck, Tae,” Jungkook mutters, wiping a bit of stray spit from the older’s swollen lips. “You like that? You like my big cock in your mouth?” Taehyung nods fervently and dives back in, wrapping his lips around Jungkook’s member and swallowing it down as far as he possibly can. His lips almost meet the base and he feels Jungkook’s hands pushing roughly on the back of his head. He can tell the younger is losing control, and that fact alone is so hot it _burns._  
  
Taehyung bobs his head as fast as he can while sustaining a steady pace, letting out the occasional choked whimper. The noises leaving Jungkook’s lips are just as deliciously sinful.  
  
“Fuck, Tae, I’m gonna come,” he gasps. “L-look at me, baby, wanna see your pretty face when I come in your mouth.”  
  
Taehyung flutters his eyes open, tears building at the corners, and meets Jungkook’s gaze. Of all the looks Jungkook has ever given him, this is by far the most filled with erotic, black passion he’s ever seen. Jungkook is staring at him like Taehyung is the sexiest thing he’s ever laid eyes on, and it makes his entire soul swell with pride. He feels Jungkook’s cock start pulsing and soon enough hot liquid spurts onto the back of his throat, forcing him to fight back a gag. He swallows the first wave of his hot load dutifully, making sure to keep eye contact with Jungkook the entire time.  
  
“Oh, God,” Jungkook groans, thrusting shallowly into his mouth as he rides out his orgasm. As more cum sprays out, Taehyung is forced to pull back, and the last bit shoots out onto his cheek. After letting out a relieved breath, Taehyung licks at Jungkook’s cock to wipe it clean. “Look at you, Tae,” Jungkook whispers in awe. He wipes the cum from Taehyung’s cheek and pushes the finger between his plump lips. “Fuck. You look so hot I could get hard all over again, babe.”  
  
Jungkook pulls Taehyung up by the waist so he’s sitting in his lap and kisses him hard. They lick into each other’s mouths and the older is too far gone to even care that his mouth probably tastes bitter with cum and sweat. Jungkook’s hands roam all around Taehyung’s torso, and after they’re satisfied with the kiss, they collapse on the bed, Taehyung curled up into Jungkook’s sturdy chest. The raven wraps his arms around Taehyung’s body and holds him close.  
  
“I… I can’t believe we did that,” Taehyung breathes. Jungkook chuckles in agreement and runs his fingers through Taehyung’s hair, scratching lightly on occasion, and Taehyung never imagined being pet could feel this lovely. “I meant it, you know. I never really wanted to touch anybody else. Does that make me stupid?”  
  
“No, baby,” Jungkook whispers. “I’m the stupid one. I deserve to be run over by a damn truck for what I did to you, and yet, now you’re…”  
  
“Yours.” Taehyung finishes with a grin. Jungkook stares down at him, his eyes starting to water, and proceeds to plant kisses all over Taehyung’s face. “K-Kook, quit it!” Taehyung giggles, swatting at Jungkook’s head weakly. Jungkook chuckles down at him and tugs him even closer into his body.  
  
It’s quiet for a while, beautifully quiet, with nothing but the gentle sound of their breath to occupy the tranquil space. Taehyung’s mind is the most at ease it’s been in years, and for possibly the first time in his life, he’s not afraid for when the storm returns. He’s entirely at peace, sort of like when he went to meditation.  
  
Jungkook breaks the stillness when he starts rubbing on Taehyung’s back. It’s hard to tell, but Taehyung could swear he feels Jungkook’s heartbeat picking up. “What’s up, Kook?” he asks. “You thinking about something?”  
  
“My dad,” Jungkook replies, and Taehyung’s jaw tense up immediately, “he and my mom have always been strict.” Taehyung nods against Jungkook’s chest and prays that this isn’t going to be too painful for the boy to talk about. “We grew up in a Catholic church, so I was exposed to the ‘sin of homosexuality’ before I even met a gay person. So, of course, when everyone started having sex with girls in high school, I was… conflicted.”  
  
Taehyung nods again. “You went to an all-boy’s school, right? That must’ve been horrible.”  
  
Jungkook laughs bitterly and it shakes Taehyung’s slim body with the force of it. “You can say that again. It was a very Christian school, too. Not Catholic, so that was good, at least. I never really liked the church very much, but I was… afraid of my parents. They didn’t hurt me or anything back then, but they were still super oppressive.”  
  
“Back… back then?” Taehyung chokes out. Jungkook rubs his back again to soothe him. Taehyung would feel guilty – he should be the one to comfort Jungkook – but he’s getting the sense that Jungkook takes comfort in comforting others.  
  
“I’ll get to that, promise,” Jungkook says, as if Taehyung has some sort of _right_ to know about this. “Because of my parents, I was terrified when I started liking boys. I had these fantasies where I’d get with my best friends in the bathrooms, and it was so terrible keeping it all under control. I just wanted to tell someone, but I couldn’t trust anybody. Everyone was making homophobic jokes. Even me. And then, there was this one guy who went to my school, Yugyeom… it was during my second year. We both got super drunk at a party. He dragged me into a bedroom and told me he wanted to try it with a boy, and who the hell was I to refuse?”  
  
“Wow… was that your first time, then?” Taehyung asks cautiously. Jungkook nods, his chin nuzzling into Taehyung’s hair.  
  
“It was. It was sloppy and stupid, and honestly, kind of disgusting. But it felt more right than any time I’d ever kissed a girl, so I held onto it for a while. Every time I went to church, I’d pray that God would forgive me for being gay, and every Friday night, I’d go over to Yugyeom’s place and fuck him before his parents got home from work.” Jungkook twirls a lock of Taehyung’s hair around his fingers absently as he talks, as if what he’s saying isn’t as heart-wrenchingly tragic as is. “We became best friends eventually. Never dating, I didn’t like him like that, but having so much in common just brought us together. One day, he told me he came out to his parents. I went home later that night, and the second I stepped in the door… I…” Jungkook’s voice wavers as it grows weak and Taehyung feels a hot tear drop onto the hand resting just below Jungkook’s face. His heart skips a beat. “My dad grabbed my arm and threw me around for a while. It wasn’t anything serious, no bruises or anything, but he kept screaming at me and telling me I can’t be a faggot.”  
  
“God, Jungkook…” Taehyung can’t help the tears in his eyes, and now they’re both crying again for the second time that day.  
  
“After that, I stopped seeing Yugyeom. I was a total asshole to him, because I blamed him for what happened. He confronted me after school one day, asked me if I was going to choose my closed-minded family over who I am, over everyone else out there who’s like me. I couldn’t handle it, I couldn’t take all that on, so I punched him in the face and walked away. He transferred schools and I never saw him again.”  
  
Taehyung flinches visibly and Jungkook holds him tighter, petting at his hair. “S-sorry, I just… the violence…” Taehyung whispers, internally cursing himself for not being stronger.  
  
“I know,” Jungkook mutters as he shakes his head weakly. “It’s a fucked-up pattern I’ve developed ever since then.”  
  
There’s a lull in the conversation, and as Taehyung processes it, a dark thought comes into view, looming in his head like a storm cloud. He cranes his neck to look up at Jungkook and draws circles on his arm. “How about your siblings?”  
  
Jungkook’s watery gaze turns almost ghastly at the inquiry. “I’ll… get to that some other time. It’s kind of a long story, and it’s tougher to tell.”  
  
Taehyung’s entire stomach twists, but he swallows it down for Jungkook’s sake. “You care about them a lot, don’t you?” Taehyung asks. “You used to talk about them all the time. You were always so proud when one of them said they wanted to be like you.”  
  
“Yeah, they’re incredible. My dad doesn’t like it when any of us appear weak, especially me and my brother, but he made an exception when it came to showing each other affection. He saw it as brotherly love; I saw it as being allowed to have _feelings_ for once.” Jungkook sighs a heavy sigh and gives Taehyung’s forehead a firm kiss. Taehyung kisses his chest in return. “The day my dad first really hit me was when I came back from school a few months later. He had been snooping on our internet activity and saw that I watched gay porn. I was always so careful… I’d use my phone and turn off the wi-fi, but I think I forgot to turn it off this time. He told me to come upstairs, and when I got into my room, he was waiting for me. He showed me the internet activity through my own computer. I told him I had no idea what it was. Maybe if I had just been honest… it wouldn’t have hurt so much…”  
  
“Kookie, it’s not your fault! You know that, right?” Taehyung tries. Jungkook nods, but Taehyung still doubts he really believes it.  
  
“He really gave me a good beating that day. I guess he felt especially offended that I was using his internet for my sick, twisted faggotry.” He chuckles darkly at that, and it makes Taehyung’s heart ache. “I was old enough to defend myself, but I figured it’d be easier to just let it happen. I’m lucky I was as old as I was. If I had been younger… l-like my brother is… it probably would have fucked with my psyche a lot more.”  
  
“Still…” Taehyung breathes. “It’s not just something you can get over, you know?”  
  
“Yeah,” Jungkook sighs, defeat in his voice. “I know that well, TaeTae. And… and you took so much of my rage.”  
  
Taehyung isn’t sure what to say to that. He knows he should be concerned about being used - spiteful, even - but he can’t find a single part of himself that feels anything but sorrow. “I always knew there was a reason. I knew you weren’t a bad person.”  
  
“How does any of this _not_ make me a bad person?!” Jungkook yelps, like a part of him doesn't want to be forgiven at all.  
  
“Kookie, people deal with trauma in all kinds of ways. Sometimes it’s constructive, and sometimes it’s not. Trust me… I know that well.” Taehyung lets a hand drift to his upper thigh, the only part of him still concealed by his boxers. Jungkook gives his forehead a comforting kiss.  
  
“Right,” he breathes. “Well, the good news is, now we can be fucked up together.” He forces the words through tearful chuckle. Taehyung laughs too and snuggles in closer. “I’m sorry, Tae. No matter how much you try to say you’ve forgiven me, I’ll never forgive myself. There’s just no way I could.”  
  
“That’s ok,” Taehyung replies. “You don’t have to forgive yourself. Just let me be here.”  
  
And with that, Jungkook really lets himself cry. He sobs his heart out into Taehyung’s hair, stopping only momentarily to inhale his scent, and holds him tight like he’s a pillow. Taehyung takes it all in – all Jungkook’s pain, his hurt, his rage – but this time, he wants to do it. He’s prepared to do it. He’ll do it because being here, being cared for and caring for somebody else, finally feeling like he’s loved – it makes him regret ever being alone in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you have it, the ~smut~! I hope it was good, since I spent hours and hours yesterday editing it over and over lol! Please let me know what you thought!


	8. Strength

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, all! <333
> 
> I'm sorry about the long wait for my updates - I promise they will come more frequently now. I've decided to take off from this semester (depression is not fun) so I will have more energy and sleep to work on writing. On that note, stay strong everyone, and do what you need to do to feel good.
> 
> This chapter is short, but it's meant to be a sort of transition between their pining stage and the struggles of their relationship. I hope you enjoy <3 
> 
> Also: OMG 2000 hits AND over 100 kudos?! I love you all so much <3 Please leave a comment, too, because they keep me going.

It’s getting dark when Taehyung finally stirs awake. He’s not sure how long he’s been asleep for, but the bed is distinctly empty, and Jungkook’s absence makes his blood run cold. _Did he change his mind? Did I push him too much?_ Taehyung pushes those thoughts away; if Jungkook were that two-faced in his feelings, he’d be the best, most despicable actor in the world. As Taehyung climbs out of bed, a small paper on the nightstand catches his eye.  
  
_“Had to go to a Baseball game. Left at around 3:00, will be back by 9:00, promise.”_  
  
Taehyung smiles wide and can’t resist the urge to give the note a kiss. He places it back down and checks the clock: 7:45. _Holy shit, I slept for over four hours?!_ Right on cue, Taehyung’s stomach growls so hard it almost hurts, but he doesn’t have any food in his room and he sure as hell isn’t going out when Jungkook could get back any minute. He decides to sit on his bed and try his hand at meditation again.  
  
He crosses his legs, focusing on his breathing and on letting his thoughts float to the sky. It’s hard at first, but he has nothing better to do, so he keeps at it. Sure enough, time begins to slip by him. The only moments where he drifts back to reality are when his stomach growls at him insistently.  
  
Taehyung yelps when a warm hand is placed on his shoulder. He stares up to find Jungkook staring right back at him, a soft smile adorning his face.  
  
“Were you meditating?” Jungkook asks as he places a brown paper bag on Taehyung’s desk. Taehyung nods, undeniably satisfied that Jungkook returned after all, and flops backwards onto the bed. “You looked really handsome.”  
  
Blushing, Taehyung swats at Jungkook’s shoulder. “Quit it. How was the game, anyway?”  
  
Jungkook sighs, his slouched shoulders caving in further with the sound. “Blegh... we lost, and Coach blamed me for not being on time. I mean, sure, I was like an hour late, but it’s not like we don’t have any other shortstops.”  
  
“You’re better than them,” Taehyung states like it’s obvious, because it is.  
  
“Well yeah, but that doesn’t mean I should be forced to attend every single game and perform my best every single time. It’s not fair.”  
  
“So quit,” Taehyung shrugs, looking up at Jungkook’s standing figure with hope in his eyes.  
  
“Tae… don’t ask me to quit, OK?”  
  
Taehyung pouts and turns away. “I’m not asking you to quit, I’m just reminding you that if you don’t like it, there’s no reason to keep doing it. I know you like the game, but there are other games you can play. Games that don’t involve asshole coaches and asshole teammates.”  
  
Jungkook takes a few moments to think about that, and Taehyung catches that glimmer of hope in his face again, but it’s gone shortly after. Nevertheless, he nods with a gentle smile. “Thanks, I appreciate that. Really.” He sits on the bed next to Taehyung and cards his fingers through the older’s hair. “You always know just what to say.”  
  
“Jimin says I’m sensitive,” Taehyung pouts. “Maybe that’s why.”  
  
At this, Jungkook cackles. “Jimin’s right, you’re very sensitive. It’s one of my favorite things about you.”  
  
Taehyung smirks up at Jungkook. “What are the others?” he asks. Jungkook raises an eyebrow and leans in closer.  
  
“Well… your sensitivity is one of them. Then there’s that adorable look in your eyes you get when you’re surprised or scared or excited, or… well, really anything, it’s all adorable,” he says, tracing his thumb gently along Taehyung’s cheekbone. “And, of course… your ass.” As if to emphasize his point, he slips a hand under Taehyung’s hip and gives his butt a quick squeeze. Taehyung squirms away with a yelp and pouts.  
  
“Rude,” Taehyung admonishes.  
  
“What? I can’t touch it, TaeTae?” Jungkook challenges, raising an eyebrow.  
  
Taehyung lets out a sigh. “Yeah, you can,” he says, smiling despite his defeat. Jungkook flashes him a shit-eating grin and crawls over.  
  
“Good. Cuz I want to touch it right now,” he murmurs deviously. Taehyung yelps and squirms away, giggling furiously as he goes. Jungkook pounces and they tumble to the floor behind them, laughing like a couple of idiots. The younger tugs Taehyung so he’s straddling the younger’s hips. “Gotcha,” he sneers between breaths. He gropes Taehyung’s ass firmly with both hands and licks his lips crudely.  
  
“You’re a pervert,” Taehyung whines, bracing himself on Jungkook’s strong shoulders. Jungkook sticks out a tongue.  
  
“You got that right,” he grins. “Speaking of being a pervert... you remember that time you knocked on my door a few weeks before we stopped talking?” Taehyung furrows his eyebrows in thought, but nothing rings a bell. “It was right after I jacked off, and I didn’t have time to clean up, so I just tugged on my shorts and opened the door,” Jungkook snickers. Taehyung gapes at him, wide-eyed.  
  
“Wait, I remember that!” Taehyung gasps, his nose crinkled in disgust. “It smelled so strongly of fucking sex in there I almost choked on the air itself and died!”  
  
Jungkook cackles at him and squeezes his butt cheeks harder. “Guess what I was thinking about that time?”  
  
Taehyung gulps hard and leans in closer, watching Jungkook’s gaze darken as he moves in. He huffs in frustration, too embarrassed to say it himself. “Oh, I don’t know, Kook…”  
  
“I was thinking about you,” Jungkook breathes, flickering his tongue out to wet his lips. “About how when we were hanging out the day before, what I really wanted was to shove you against the wall and fuck your brains out.”  
  
“Oh, god…” Taehyung stammers, letting himself fall closer until Jungkook cranes his neck and meets his lips. Jungkook licks into his mouth, his tongue matching the rhythm his strong hands are using to massage the older's ass. Taehyung pulls away, overwhelmed at the conflict between the blood rushing to his cock and the sharp pang of hunger in his stomach. “K-Kookie, I’m hungry,” he whines.  
  
Jungkook stares at him in confusion for a second, but then he laughs. “You’re so weird, Tae,” he giggles. “Only you would say you’re hungry in the middle of a sexy make-out session.”  
  
Smirking, Taehyung gives Jungkook a wink. “Wasn’t _that_ sexy. I’ve seen better.” With that, Taehyung spins around and walks over to the brown bag he assumes has his dinner in it. Before he can reach it, though, Jungkook spins him around again and pushes him against the wall, a challenging snarl on his lips.  
  
“You’ve seen better, huh?” Jungkook mutters, nosing at Taehyung’s neck. “When, exactly, did you see better, baby?”  
  
“I- _ugh._ ” Taehyung tries weakly to wiggle free but Jungkook’s pinning him by his wrists. Plus, not a single muscle in his body (besides his empty stomach, perhaps) wants him to fight this off, it seems.  
  
“You hurt my pride, TaeTae. Better say you’re sorry.”  
  
Taehyung tries to escape one more time, just for good measure, and quickly surrenders to Jungkook’s strength. He huffs out a sigh. “I’m sorry, Kook. Your sexy times are the sexiest of all.”  
  
Jungkook licks at Taehyung’s neck without warning and the older shudders profusely from the sudden touch. “You got that right, babe,” he growls. “Don’t ever make me think about you being with somebody else. It makes me furious.”  
  
“You’re a possessive boy, aren’t you?” Taehyung smirks, his heart swelling at the thought.  
  
“Hell, yeah,” Jungkook growls, even lower this time, and that rattles the smirk right off of Taehyung’s face. “Nobody gets to touch you but me.”  
  
Taehyung swallows hard, because he’s pretty sure Jungkook said the exact same thing to him in his dirty dream just that Friday night. He wonders briefly if this, too, is a dream. Perhaps Jungkook’s just putting on a show with his outlandish possessiveness. On one hand, something about it is shockingly arousing, but on the other hand, he hears Jimin’s voice in his head, warning him about being manipulated. And yet, the way Taehyung’s heart is exploding in his chest makes him think that maybe he likes it a bit too much to give it up.  
  
“What… what would you do if somebody tried to flirt with me?” Taehyung stammers.  
  
Jungkook finally moves from his neck and gazes at him with a ridiculous grin. “I’d cut their dick off!” he chuckles. Taehyung rolls his eyes in disappointment, and Jungkook cocks an eyebrow. “Wait, you were serious? You have to get me more into the mood, TaeTae. Set up a scene.”  
  
“What are we, roleplaying now?”  
  
“Kinda,” Jungkook says with a shrug, returning to lick at Taehyung’s collar. “It’s roleplay in that it’s not real, but it’s not in that I’d go insane if anybody else tried to touch you.”  
  
Taehyung shudders a sigh as Jungkook pushes his knee between Taehyung’s legs, providing the most fleeting of friction to his crotch. “I’m at a café. Silverstreet. I get off from work at 7:00 in the evening and I go sit at a table to eat dinner. You walk in a little while after and find that I’m sitting with another guy. He’s clearly flirting with me, and when you get closer, you hear him offer to take me to a bar for a good time…” Taehyung trails off when he hears a low, rumbling growl from Jungkook’s chest. “What are you, a fucking wolf-?”  
  
“I’d walk up and kick the chair out from underneath him.” He interrupts, the grip on Taehyung’s wrists tightening. “Then I’d kick him in the ribs just to make sure he got the message, and tell him if I ever see him talking to you again, I’ll make sure he doesn’t get off so easy.”  
  
“Are you a fucking psycho or something!?” Taehyung gasps, his eyes rolling back a little as Jungkook swoops down to lick at the older's pert nipple.  
  
“Then I’d pull you outside and pin you against the store wall. I wouldn’t care who else is nearby; I’d lick into your mouth so hard you’d beg me for it.”  
  
“Sh-shit, Jungkook,” Taehyung gasps. He tries to move his wrists again, growing desperate to touch _anything_ but Jungkook’s grip is unrelenting.  
  
“Then I’d take you home where nobody else could see you and fuck you so good you’d forget that man even existed.”  
  
“Jungkook!” Taehyung yelps, throwing his head back. “P-please, I…”  
  
“You need to eat,” Jungkook says, nonchalant. He releases Taehyung’s wrists just like that and steps away, smirking as he gives Taehyung’s lips a quick peck. Then he turns to set up the food containers on the floor, leaving a stunned Taehyung still against the wall, gaping at the younger.  
  
“You fucking jerk!!” Taehyung screams. He stomps over and smacks at Jungkook’s strong back, but the younger only laughs. “You can’t just tease me like that and then pretend it didn’t happen!”  
  
Jungkook cackles and tugs Taehyung down onto his lap, grinning at him with that bunny smile. “You’re cute when you’re mad, too. Man, am I lucky.” Taehyung huffs and tries to get up but Jungkook just pulls him back into his lap. “Nuh, uh. This is where you’re sitting, baby.”  
  
Taehyung rolls his eyes, but settles into Jungkook’s lap anyway. Jungkook hums in content and rests his chin on Taehyung’s shoulder. “What did you get?” Taehyung asks, deciding it’s better to just forgive the cruel teasing, _for now._ He opens a container and scoops a small, controlled portion out onto a paper plate.  
  
“Chinese,” Jungkook answers. “That’s honey chicken, this one’s lo mein, and that’s broccoli with garlic sauce.”  
  
“Ooh! Veggies!” Taehyung grins. He grabs the broccoli and scoops a slightly larger bit onto his plate.  
  
“Here,” Jungkook says, a tone of dissatisfaction in his voice. He snatches the plate from Taehyung and piles it up with food, far more than Taehyung can possibly eat, and hands it back to him. “There!”  
  
“What the fuck, Kookie?! I can’t eat this much!”  
  
Jungkook brings a hand to rub Taehyung’s stomach. “Just eat until you’re _really_ full, not ‘brain wants me to stop’ full.”  
  
Huffing his disapproval, Taehyung grabs another plate and piles it up just as much in a faulty attempt at revenge. He passes it to Jungkook, who accepts it happily with a ‘thank you.’ Taehyung huffs in surrender and reaches over to grab his laptop, where he puts on a Netflix show. Jungkook takes a few bites, then brings a heaping bite up to Taehyung’s mouth.  
  
“I’m not a baby, Jungkook.”  
  
“Yeah, but you’re _my_ baby, so open up,” Jungkook says with a pout about as annoying as Taehyung’s.  
  
“That’s fucking creepy,” Taehyung grumbles, but he opens his mouth anyway and chews dutifully. Jungkook snickers behind him. “What?” Taehyung pouts again.  
  
“Good boy,” Jungkook grins. Taehyung gapes at him and slaps his arm, causing a few bits of food to fall onto the rug.  
  
“What the hell is that supposed to be?” Taehyung yelps. “Are you really a pervert or something?”  
  
“Yep! I already told you I am, so what?” Jungkook shrugs with a gleeful smile. He puts down his plate and wraps his arms around Taehyung’s waist. Then he makes a point to inhale his scent as loudly as possible.  
  
“Creep!” Taehyung yelps, but he doesn’t even attempt to put up a fight. As if it's even worth pretending the attention doesn't make his heart flutter. “Are you into little boys, Kookie? Is that why you call me baby? And now ‘good boy?’”  
  
“Hey, you’re taking it too far,” Jungkook frowns. “I’m saying those things because I know you like the praise. Plus, there’s nothing wrong with liking that kind of stuff. I like being possessive and wild, so why can’t you like being doted over?”  
  
There’s logic behind that – or perhaps Taehyung just wants to believe it that badly – so he nods and leans back into Jungkook’s chest. “You can call me whatever you want, Kookie.”  
  
Jungkook kisses at the back of his neck and Taehyung can feel a smile against his skin. “How about kitten?”  
  
Taehyung gapes and tries to wiggle around to face him, but Jungkook just holds him in place as he howls out a laugh.  
  
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” Taehyung grumbles. He scoops up another bite and chews it bitterly.  
  
“Whatever you say, kitten,” Jungkook snickers. Taehyung elbows Jungkook in the chest, but he decides that it probably hurts him more than it hurts the muscle-freak. “Let’s finish eating quickly so we can get back the roleplay, yeah?”  
  
Taehyung rolls his eyes. “Yeah, all right,” he mutters. They’re just watching a crappy rerun of “Friends,” but the light-heartedness of the humor lures them both in. Jungkook buries his face into Taehyung’s hair whenever he laughs at a corny joke. As they watch, Taehyung finds himself wolfing down his food without a second thought until barely a few bites are left. “Wow,” he breathes. “I… I ate all that?”  
  
And then it’s back: the guilt. The regret. He starts thinking about all that fat going to his stomach, to his arms, and he feels sick all of a sudden. It’s more than he’d eaten for a meal in months and he can’t think about anything else.  
  
“Tae,” comes Jungkook’s voice. He reaches an arm around and rubs at Taehyung’s stomach. “Do you feel full?”  
  
“Yeah,” Taehyung says shakily, and he’s not lying this time.  
  
“That’s what matters, ok? If it scares you, if you think it’s bad, just tell me instead of keeping it all in your head.” Taehyung gives him a nod, so Jungkook nuzzles into his neck. “What are you feeling, babe?”  
  
“Like… like all that food is going to make me fat,” Taehyung replies. Jungkook hums in acknowledgement. “And like I failed myself by eating that much, like I’m weak. Even though you told me to eat it, it still feels like I fucked up.”  
  
After a long pause, Jungkook sighs. “It’s like I said in the diner, Tae. I can’t make you realize that you’re wrong. All I can do is make sure you stay as healthy and happy as possible.”  
  
There’s something about those words that makes Taehyung feel like he’s floating between a dream and reality. Like Jungkook is a stable rock keeping him from being sucked down the rapid waters of his own mind. He moves over to the bed and sits on the edge, watching Jungkook watch him.  
  
“I’m fucked up,” Taehyung states. He smiles sadly at a confused Jungkook, still sitting on the floor where he left him, and pats the vacant space by his hip. Jungkook rises slowly and joins him, wrapping a protective arm around Taehyung’s slim waist. “You sure you still want to stay with me when I’m like this, Jungkookie?”  
  
“No matter how many times you ask me that, the answer won’t change, TaeTae,” Jungkook says with a sure smile. He cups Taehyung’s jaw in his hand and gives him a slow, steady kiss. It brings Taehyung’s feet back on the ground. _I’m not dreaming._ When Jungkook pulls away, his eyes are miles deep and Taehyung wants to drown in them.  
  
“I can’t believe you’re here like this,” Taehyung breathes. “I was… so lonely.”  
  
“I know, baby,” Jungkook whispers. He holds Taehyung’s head against his chest and rubs circles into his back. “You’re not alone anymore.”


End file.
